To wonder what exactly middle class and upper class Mums do to be skinny

[Humpy84]

I am a Mum of a two year old turning three July. Not an age that he can be packed up for long walks in buggy.

I have gained weight and feeling overwhelmed by everything.

I have noticed and I think it is obvious that middle and upper class Mums tend to be slimmer.

I want to know if you identify this and if so what is your weekly shopping routine, meal plan, how do you exercise with or without toddler/s, tips and tricks etc, diet plans, etc etc.

@Humpy84 do you think you could work?

I am nutritionally aware.

Food is inextricably tied up with physical and emotional health.

Which means I know what foods are best for optimal health ( plenty of vegetables, seeds, fermented and micro nutrient from sprouting), oily fish etc and base my food intake on them.

However if I want chocolate, cake, cream etc or want a takeaway with family and friends I can have it but will reduce or skip a meal to compensate for it to keep my overall intake balanced.

I don't eat at regular times as I find that restrictive but at least one meal a day in the week and most meals at weekends are with close family/ friends so food serves an important function socially not just nutritionally.

So separating your nutritional requirements from social and emotional requirements in food is a balancing act, and if you make sure all these needs are met on a weekly rather than daily basis ( I don't worry if I over eat as I balance it out over another day for example) you will be fine: and slim!

Oh and couch to 5k app for mobile is meant to be v. good too!
Agree weight isn't everything, but taking control of it will probably help you feel better in general.

I’m middle class and I’m fat. I don’t have time for exercise. I am busy doing something else all my waking hours. But I work in a demanding profession and have a long commute.

The only slim mums I know are SAHM with childcare. They go to the gym or for runs during the weekdays and have time for cooking healthy foods. We do eat pretty healthy but it would be a lot healthier if we weren’t scrambling to pull it together after work. They all just seem to have lots of free time. My dh and I just don’t.

@poster Prettyvase thanks this is exactly what I wanted ; to learn and be inspired and motivated by others mindsets/eating philosophies.

@Lonelytiredandlow are you married to my DH’s double ? You’ve hit the nail on the head. Thank you for your genuine empathy and solid advice.

That's Ok - you can do this, just make some small changes and stick with them. Everything seems hard with small kids and I can guarantee there are loads of mums near you feeling the same way. Find a network at ryhme and sign (or whatever you have - usually weekly in the library or community centre) if you need some local support or maybe even someone who wants to do similar. I remember going on very long walks with a good friend with the kids in buggies. They slept/looked at ducks on the river/had a picnic and we got to chat the whole time. If you think of them as day trips rather than a chore it becomes easier!

I can tell you what I do (2 kids, 6 and 2 , both hate buggies). oldest is prone to ear infections, both are terrible sleepers
we always go out, every day. there is no bad weather, just bad clothing. We don’t use the car for anything under 45 min walking distance.
i carry my kids as they dislike buggies.
we buy fresh food, very little processes stuff
shopping on foot - if you have a toddler on you back and need to carry you shopping back for 20 min, you only buy what you need.
i also now work full time (and my kids are at school/childminder as that is what works for them)

Very interesting, I can imagine that you’re as fit as fiddle. Thanks x

OP, you need some steps in the right direction, if you think, you are over PND.
There’s plenty of info but I found books like Louise Parker method helpful to understand the basics of nutrition and shop and cook accordingly.
“You can’t outrun a bad diet” so shorting out your diet is the first step. Also, sugar and high carb consumption for me are usually related to tiredness. Watch when you crave and eat stuff.

If you husband prioritises the gym daily and never gives you a chance, he’s a knob. There’s no polite way of saying it. His life is unchanged while you stay at home all day with a demanding toddler.
He needs to cut the gym frequency and you do a couple of days. Doesn’t have to be gym, an hours of fast walk alone can kick-start your fitness. I know, some people do it with kids but I had a very active toddler and buggy running was out of the question but taking DC out for walks and parks can be beneficial for both.
Look into putting your kid into a better routine. I’ve had similar issues and it was the best thing, I’ve ever done. It wasn’t easy at first but it was a dream when come 6pm, she’d ask for her bath and was sleeping by 7 until 6am.
I’m in my 40’s now so I can dedicate time on myself but I live with these women. A large percentage come from slim families or families with “healthy” eating habits. I quoted healthy because some are healthy but some grew up with mothers eating one ryvita for an entire day and think that a glass of celery juice and a bulletproof coffee is fine as a daily calorific intake. While I’m not saying everyone has an eating disorder but it takes a very strong will (and sometimes a good surgeon) to maintain a size 6 or 8 after kids as you age.

Thanks heaps for telling it like it is about the upper class cracker diet. This is great advice, think you’re right that routine would make huge difference and be good place to start. Nice to know that I’m not imagining my toddler being difficult in buggy and probably just need to do walks !

It's nothing to do with class, it's to do with goal setting and determination. We all know that staying slim is hard, very hard. Some people thrive undercthe challenge of doing seething difficult whilst others collapse at the idea.

Determined people tend to be more successful as they are putting themselves in a position to be faced with more opportunities.

I do believe determination is something we are born with but also emphasize depending on our upbringing. Money doesn't come into it at all. Staying slim is about eating small portions of healthy food most of the time whilst enjoying treats but being able to say no when having more means gaining weight, and exercise. Either of these require money.

Comparing ourselves with others doesn't help though. It's not about others but ourselves and being in the right mindset to be able to set ourselves goals, challenges and limits.

I have always suspected that a large number of women are not honest about how little they eat. I’m not casting aspersions on people on this thread and I’m not trying to judge. It’s fucking hard to be a woman and mother, on one hand told you have to be slim and youthful and active, and on the other being told it’s not cool to be openly dieting, or be too obviously attentive to appearance. You can’t win. The cool women are supposed to sink gin and tonics and cook delicious filthy food which they shovel down without counting the calories all while maintaining size 8 figure. I think lots of women are actually plotting their daily calories very strictly on apps such as My Fitness Pal, doing a lot of meal-skipping, surviving on coffee and not talking about it.

Put DS back in the daycare.

Go back to your studies.

DH needs to give you time at the gym and cut back his hours there.
He especially needs to start doing the bedtime routine with DS.

You have an inconsiderate DH problem, not a weight problem. This is the heart of it, not 'another story'.

Your husband doesn’t sound very nice. Dictating to you how to manage your ds’s health, looking after his own. Then treating you like a machine to use and abuse. No wonder you’re depressed even without anything postnatal. Time to redress the balance. Think very carefully before you have another child if this is on the agenda.

Im honestly struggling to lose weight due to

1. Lack of sleep
2. Cant afford all the healthy foods
3. Time to go excersise (no nanny)

I will do it its just harder...but u do see a class issue. If all you can afford is frozen food, or you just dont have the support it is hard. And some people are just lucky anyway

I think there are socio-economic factors at play, yes - these are well-documented and range from being time-poor, resource-poor and the availability, accessibility and affordability of fresh food, and of course 70-80 % of your physical build is genetic, some health conditions and medications mean you put on weight more easier and so on.

But in your situation, it is not socio-economic factors because, as you say, your husband works out almost daily and looking good. It is the fundamental inequality in your home. Your DS’s health issues have been made your problem to solve by your husband.

Why on earth was taking him out of nursery the proposed solution by your DH? That was bound to impact on you. You have a toddler with sleep issues and your DH is at the gym every night. By the way I fully sympathise, my DS had ear infections, he would not settle at all in nursery or go to sleep before 10 or 11pm. It drove me to distraction and to be honest, my marriage ended because it was all put on my lap, plus my husband’s life did not change one iota, and my husband was basically a control freak about how things should be.

If you do not have equality in the home, you will not have equality outside it.

Things I did:
Changed nursery to one with lots of outside space. The previous nursery was an old town house with wooden floors and high ceilings - way too noisy for DS. He thrived with the outside space and more flexible routine. So, just because your DS disliked one childcare provider, he will not dislike them all. Starting looking for alternatives. Try to figure out what exactly DS disliked about the old nursery.

Exercise - we aim for 60 minutes a day, whether that is swimming, cycling, walking, park time. You can build a routine around it. This is possible even if you work. I cannot afford the gym and I could not leave DC to go, so this involves them. I learnt to dive and can swim 20 - 30 lengths in the half hour DS has his swimming lesson now, for example.

Ask your health visitor if there are any healthy lifestyle programmes for families in your area. I have done two with DC and they are excellent. Paradoxically, also helped very slim DD who was prone to anaemia. Take whatever support you can get as you are in a difficult position.

None of this will be solved overnight, but it is about making small changes to a healthier lifestyle.

Ideally, your DH would recognise that leisure time (for the gym) should be split equally, and you would both look for an alternative childcare situation so you can get back to study. If that does not happen, then you need to break down the issues into manageable chunks and seek what support you can elsewhere.

(And then when you are a hot shot lawyer, you can draw up your own divorce papers)

Time, better food maybe more protein than cheaper sugar, money to commit to a really nice gym. Mostly time and food.

I’m a size 10 with a three year old. For exercise we go outside, he sits in the buggy and we’ll walk twenty minutes to the park, then I’ll be on my feet chasing him around. Or he ‘walks’ (walks for about five mins then I end up killing my arms carrying him). We do this most of the day, going to charity shops or the library, or friends houses, lots of walking and moving. No naps, has been like that since he’s one. By the evening he is exhausted and goes to sleep by 7-7.30.

On a working day I’m sitting down but my work distracts me so I just have a sandwich and coffee for lunch. Fruit for snacks plus one snack of something tasty like cake. Something I find helps is not keeping too many snacks in the house to tempt you, if it’s not there you can’t eat it! I hate the idea of going to a gym so none of that! You don’t have to pay to exercise to stay slim.

If your toddler is sleeping badly and you are tired that will be having a bad impact on your eating and sleeping too. Don’t be hard on yourself. Perhaps focus on trying to improve his sleeping instead, then you will be in a better mental place.

Your dh is definitely not helping by going to the gym every night, you need to tell him what you and your child need. He needs to do a shift doing bedtime when you go out to the gym!

Bigger kitchens..they burn more calories walking to the fridge?

They don't eat breakfast. Also they just eat less in general, I don't know why I think they are just more aware of it than some people. I have 2 skinny friends, one who works out at the gym a lot! And rarely eats breakfast and just a slice of toast for lunch and a normal dinner. Another who just doesn't eat breakfast has a sandwich for lunch and normal dinner. No snacking at all.

You have a DH problem.

My friends and neighbours who aren't middle class have managed to keep weight down or lose it after having children because they live with at least one adult - all but one case it's their partner - who give them time out from the children.

Your DH shouldn't be going to the gym everyday in the evenings but giving you time off. If he wishes to exercise everyday then he should do it to first thing in the morning so you can have time to do stuff in the evenings.

Also by not having regular time alone with your children he isn't developing the best relationship with them. Is he not bothered about this? As it makes a big difference when they get older.

I agree with you op. The more "middle/upper" class mum's at my school are definitely slimmer, and wear nice clothes. They are nice people too, and pretty - I'm always envious. It's definitely what they eat (or don't eat) though. Most of them airily mention no breakfast, salad for lunch, small dinner and no alcohol.

Probably been said already but food is not a focus in their lives. They do other more expensive things as a treat.

When I have money, things like getting my hair done in my lunch hour and nails, waxing etc often means I don’t have time to eat.

Sat at home I’ll nibble and eat much more in a day than when I’m busy.