To wonder what exactly middle class and upper class Mums do to be skinny

[Humpy84]

I am a Mum of a two year old turning three July. Not an age that he can be packed up for long walks in buggy.

I have gained weight and feeling overwhelmed by everything.

I have noticed and I think it is obvious that middle and upper class Mums tend to be slimmer.

I want to know if you identify this and if so what is your weekly shopping routine, meal plan, how do you exercise with or without toddler/s, tips and tricks etc, diet plans, etc etc.

It's interesting how many PP on here are negative in the way they talk about thinner people and smaller eaters.

The title says 'skinny' rather than the more positive 'slim'.

'Restricting' what one eats rather than 'moderating', and it is seen as negative, rather than something quite normal that humans do day-to-day regarding most activities (eg generally we restrain ourselves from rushing across a road when traffic is coming, or sleeping too long after the alarm has gone off so that we are late for work).

" constant discipline which much be hard and a bit boring." Rather than 'they listen to their body, enjoy what they eat and stop eating when they have eaten what they need '.

"3 packets of biscuits would stretch much further than 5 bananas would." But 5 bananas (or, for 90p, I'd rather have 5 apples) will keep you fuller for longer than 3 packets of biscuits.

" I find it hard to believe people's appetite is that small." Yes, whether you believe it or not, it really is. I see it again and again on here that the number of calories of my TDEE (ie that I need for a stable weight) is dangerously low. Maybe the issue is what you are thinking, rather than what they are eating.

"there are women out there subsisting on steamed vegetables and rice " Or maybe they are not 'subsisting' but eating what they need, and quite possibly enjoy, in order to lose or maintain the weight they wish to be.

There are comments about just nibbling on a lettuce leaf - as if that's a bad thing - and the frequent suggestion that high calorie foods are tastier than low calorie ones. Personally I like lettuce (in moderation!), some types are quite tasty and I find a lot of ready meals have a very samey 'ready meal' taste which I find unpleasant. But there are lots of low calorie foods that are delicious. (eg apples, as above).

And I find the ideas around poor people and rich people confusing. I've been poor and now I'm 'comfortable' (rather than rich), I've been busier and less busy, but I've always weighed the same. I've never enjoyed either cooking or exercising, but I eat quite a bit of raw food as I prefer the taste and texture (ker-unchy carrots - yum!) and don't consume more calories than I get around to burning. Many of my eating habits developed when I was too poor to afford much in the way of sweets, cakes, etc, so I still regard them as a treat to enjoy only occasionally.

Smotheroffive I worked in the City for many years and it was true there, the only woman I remember being heavy was back from her third mat leave. I hardly ate when I had that job probably due to peer pressure to stay slim. I’d eat a soup and some nuts from 8 AM - 6 PM.

There were heavy men though. But also fair share of fitness freaks as well.

The link is clear and well documented in numerous research studies and is a major public health concern. It is a multi-faceted issue and not one easily solved

Noone is denying the link, there's just disagreement on the cause.

If we really want to understand the difference, why not focus on those who are not stapped for cash but not rich enough to have a life of leisure with gyms, nannies and Waitrose shops.

So amongst those in the middle, why are some fat and others slim?

If I had the time and money to do my favourite exercise class every day I would!
I remember thinking just the same when I was off work for 6 months. I did the first two months and then I gave up because at the time, I just didn't enjoy it and I lacked motivation.

you sound like a wonderful friend to go on holiday with prettyvase

Being a size 16 isn't a life sentence of arthritis and no energy

AvocadoDream - whilst I totally buy into the fact that certain types of diet make long-term weight loss incredibly difficult, I don't think that you can dispute that long-term calorie restriction and high levels of exercise will result in anything other than weight loss or weight control.

I am slightly obsessed with My 600lb Life and without fail, every single time the overweight patient is hospitalised and put on a calorie restricted diet - they lose weight and these are utterly sedentary people with incredibly complex health issues.

The biggest issue usually is that it is almost impossible for people to stick to calorie controlled diets. People's relationship with food has become so fucked up that, certainly in Western countries, people rarely eat because they are hungry, they eat because they are socially conditioned to at certain times of the day, because they are tired, lonely, depressed, angry, unloved, have been abused, are emotionally repressed and so on. The dieting industry relies on people failing, not just once but constantly, that is how they make their money - so it seems equally absurd to me to not ponder the massively dysfunctional relationship many people have with food too!

I have also noticed that very thin mothers often have pale, tiny children. Not always, but often.

People regain weight after dieting because they go back to the bad habits that caused them to gain weight in the first place, not because dieting changes how their metabolism works long term.

Overweight people, with the exception of those with underactive thyroids, don't have a slow metabolism, they actually burn more calories than lighter people with the same activity levels.

Obesity is a complex hormonal issue, not just the calorie you have consumed. What you eat matters, when you eat it, composition of your diet, stress you experience, quality of your sleep.

Yes, but there is good information out there. A lot of posters seem to be arguing over the capacity to do the basics. Eating fruit and veg. Or cooking meals from fresh food. If a person is doing this with no success then they could look at portion sizes. If those have been tweaked with no success then is the time to look at other factors such as hormonal issues. If they went to a doctor with the main symptom of being overweight they wouldn't go straight to getting tested for hormonal imbalances. You have to do the simple stuff first to rule an incorrect diet out.

I have also noticed that very thin mothers often have pale, tiny children. Not always, but often.

Really? That as a stereotype is almost laughable.

It isn't a stereotype at all. I was also very thin when I had my first child who isn't tiny and pale - obviously one doesn't automatically mean the other.

But I have noticed personally that a lot of upper and middle class mums that I know, who are very thin, have thin tired looking kids. I can think of 6 off the top of my head. So I always wonder if the food restrictions apply to the children as well.

If I had the time and money to do my favourite exercise class every day I would! I would also get regular meal kits such as mindful chef. I'd definitely be slimmer!

These things are not magic though. The meal kit involves cooking fresh food with some instructions provided. It is just an overpriced way to do it. The exercise involves paying someone else to order you to do certain exercises.

I say cut out the middle man.

not because dieting changes how their metabolism works long term.

But I think there is evidence that this is the case. Your first point is also true. I think they work in tandem.

But it is much more effective to not gain weight in the first place than to gain and lose, no matter how you do it.

Didn't there used to be a phenomenon called 'muesli belt malnutrition'? When parents restricted fat in their children's diets? Not sure if that's actually a thing but I vaguely remember it.

Faz or it could be your perceptions regarding the ideal body type have adjusted to the predominant cultural norm you affiliate yourself with,

No I don't think so. I know plenty of upper middle class mums with healthy looking children. It is just the super thin ones. I don't see why it would be that surprising, if they are restricting 'fattening' foods which might be healthy as children are growing, or carbs which children need.

Faz well, if your are talking about the extremes, possibly. There are incorrect diets both ends of the weight scale. However, I thought the thread was examining primarily how obesity was connected with low socio economic status.

@formerbabe Do you tell alcoholics that it's easy not to be an alcoholic? Just don't drink.

Do you tell drug addicts that it's easy to stop...just don't shoot up anymore?

It’s interesting you liken overeating to alcohol and drug addiction, though I’m not sure the overweight and obese would be happy for you to saddle them as pathologically “food addicted”.

Either way, as with all addictions they need to be addressed as they affect lives and eventually kill the addicted person. Including eating too much unhealthy food and not exercising. You don’t tell drug and alcohol addicts “Oh, okay then, poor love. Not your fault and nawt you can do about it now. Keep on keeping on.” Do you.

The onus is on the addicted person to value their health and take steps to overcome it so they don’t die. Particularly if they have family who care about them.

Healthy food tasting bland or not wanting to do exercise or claiming no time or money or fancy footwear or any of the other arguments I’ve read on this thread are just excuses to remain on the slippery slope of defeatism.

I think that, irrespective of your income level, being slim and the compliments it attracts and how it makes you feel about yourself define you, and you work hard to remain thin. You think about what you eat and think about how much exercise you get. You become aware if your clothes get a bit tight and immediately take action to leave off the grub or alcohol a bit.

I should think that if you're a bit weighty, being slim seems such a long way off and such a battle that you stick with the eating regime you have, because, short-term it gives you a bit of fun and happiness.

So, both regimes become a bit of an imprisoning cycle of their own.

The other striking thing about "My 600lb life" is the number of people who have had some really traumatic experiences, often have difficult relationships with their parents (quite a few brought up by grandparents) and overwhelmingly not well off. You might say poorer people are more likely to go on the programme as presumably there is some payment or help to afford the surgery, but the rest is frighteningly consistent.

The bit about money/class is about population level statistics. There will always be individuals that buck the trend, but you can literally see the health inequalities in different areas. Also quite apparent what areas are better suited to walking and public transport vs. driving just by looking at the prevailing body types, again, not everyone, but prevailing.

All the "posh" but thin women I know, survive on rice cakes and salad and at best eat one proper meal a day. They are exercise enthusiasts too, so play tennis, go to the gym, have personal trainers and they are always "in training" for something

I don't survive on rice cakes and salad. I like my food and I eat a lot, not all healthy. But I exercise a lot too - and I do eat a lot of salad stuff. I run at least 3 times a week, swim once a week and do a session with a personal trainer once a week. This morning, I have run 4 miles and have eaten a large bowl of porridge, an apple, a piece of bread, a tomato and some cheese as an open sandwich, a carrot, and 3 slices of a chocolate orange.

My BMI is around 21. I am not posh but some people might think that I am.

However, I do think a lot of "posh" women don't eat much. I had a work colleague who used to come into the office having not had breakfast and didn't have lunch until about 2pm and it would just be a sandwich. I don't know what she ate at night but she was much slimmer than I was at the time and didn't do any exercise other than normal life, so it was all down to food intake with her.

Rice cakes are overrated as a healthy food

It is an addiction for many. I'm not talking about people who are a couple of stone overweight but seriously morbidly obese people, then yes, it's an addiction and a form of self harm imo. I'm not saying that means we should roll over and just accept it but it takes serious psychological help rather than the "eat less, move more" advice from the smug brigade.

Which reminds me so much supposedly healthy stuff that marketers have been pushing for last few decades - juice, cereal, crackers aren’t really that healthy. You could think you were making good choices all day and not be

I bet they ( the skinny middle and upper class Mums) don't sit down to a breakfast of leftover chocolate eclairs, Protestant traybake - see other thread, Pringles and some Easter egg.

@formerbabe I’m confused. It sounds like you’re saying overweight people need serious psychological help to begin to eat healthier. Correct?