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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be suspicious of my DH

141 replies

twattingtwattytwatster · 17/04/2019 22:41

On Saturday my DH fell asleep with his phone on, I tried to shut it down and the tab for WhatsApp was opened, it’s password protected so I couldn’t get into it, but the last messages he sent that night were to let’s call him Bob Smith, now Bob has a cute fluffy dog as his profile pic and the last message sent to him contained a kiss emoji.

I’m not naive, you don’t message random blokes and use the kiss emoji unless you are gay or actually messaging a woman whose name you have changed.

I’ve just asked DH about it, I finally got him to admit it’s a woman, but he won’t tell me who she is, why he’s sending her kiss emojis or why she is hidden under a mans name. He said it’s nothing...my fucking arse!!

He had a five month affair ten years ago so I know perfectly well what he’s capable of. For the past two years he has treated me like shit, told me I’m not good enough for him because I won’t wear lipstick to pop to the shop, accused me of disrespecting him because I wanted to buy some Doc boots and told me he has women coming on to him all the time and because I don’t give him enough sex he’s going to take them up on their offers.

His absolute classic had to be six months ago when I was waiting for biopsy results after having a tumour removed from my eye and he told me ‘if you were a good wife, I’d be on my knees in tears at what your going through...but I’m not’.

So given he is a total an utter cunt, am I being unreasonable to think there is something going on with the emoji woman.

OP posts:
ZippyBungleandGeorge · 17/04/2019 22:43

YANBU but why on earth are you with such an awful excuse for a human being?

Babysharkdododont · 17/04/2019 22:43

Fucking hell, why not just ltb and leave him to emoji woman!? He sounds like a cunt

Cherrysoup · 17/04/2019 22:44

Any DC? What's the housing situation (thought I'd get the mumsnet questions in there first!)

Honestly, why are you with him when he's this shit to you?

Mintandthyme · 17/04/2019 22:45

Why are you even with him??
The emoji is nothing compared to the other stuff

BleakBetty · 17/04/2019 22:46

Put him in the bin. The comment after your biopsy is absolutely unforgivable. You’re worth so much more.

NCforthis2019 · 17/04/2019 22:47

You’re the bigger fool for staying with someone like him. Sorry OP

ConfCall · 17/04/2019 22:47

Raise your bar, OP. You can do better.

PinkiOcelot · 17/04/2019 22:48

Wow! OP he sounds horrific!

Absolutepowercorrupts · 17/04/2019 22:48

no you're not BU but you are definitely BU to stay with someone who treats you like shit.
If your circumstances allow, leave right now. He's not going to get any better.
To use a cliche, you have one life. Is this how you want to live?

BanginChoons · 17/04/2019 22:49

Forget emoji woman, the other things are enough justification to get rid.

GirlcalledJack · 17/04/2019 22:49

Ummm regardless of the obvious cheating why on earth are you still with him?

He sounds like a hideous person!
Why would you think he is worth having a marriage with?! It would be nigh on impossible to find anyone who is a worse person and partner.

Singlenotsingle · 17/04/2019 22:49

He's a nasty piece of work. You should be pleased if he's got an OW. It means you can dump him with a clear conscience, your halo Halo shining bright.

twattingtwattytwatster · 17/04/2019 22:51

I am basically fucked financially, I spent 8 years working to pay DH through uni and his professional qualification, he was offered a partnership at the time of his first affair, I told him the figures didn’t add up but he was listening to some fucking airhead and pressed ahead, remortgaged the house and it all went tits up two years ago and we lost every penny he invested.

I just cannot afford to leave at the moment, I make and sell jewellery and do some content writing but it’s just not enough to pay our stupidly huge mortgage. I have fought tooth and nail to keep a roof over our heads.

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 17/04/2019 22:51

The only YABU here is why you’re still with him?!
You could do soooo much better and live a life of either peace and alone or with someone who loves you and treats you well Flowers

pigsinarow · 17/04/2019 22:52

You sound like a switched on, strong woman from your post so why are you with him? This WhatsApp thing aside, why are you still in this relationship? Can you leave? Like, now?

User987654433 · 17/04/2019 22:52

Regardless on if hes cheating, bin him.
Hes no good.
You will be happier without him.

SeriouslyStrongCheese · 17/04/2019 22:52

Any kids?

pigsinarow · 17/04/2019 22:55

Cross posted.

Can you mentally disengage from the relationship and take steps to leave ASAP? I understand practicalities. Perhaps if you emotionally detach yourself from him it will be a little easier. No house or money is worth being treated like that.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 17/04/2019 22:56

Yes I'd say there is something going on. I'd say he's pretty much told you this.

I think it doesn't sound like you're surprised, or bothered, as it pales into insignificance against some of his other shit like comments after the biopsy.

I really think you need to leave. Even if you have a much more frugal lifestyle and live in a worse area etc and have to take some shifts in a supermarket in the evenings to get through it...I think you will be a lot happier than you are with him

twattingtwattytwatster · 17/04/2019 22:57

I have three children, one at uni, one at sixth form and one still at school. At heart I am strong and I used to be fierce, but I am so fucking worn down. I have literally given up my life for a raging arse hole and I have nothing to show for it. All the potential I had, wasted...I feel ashamed of myself.

OP posts:
CherylCheshire · 17/04/2019 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

twattingtwattytwatster · 17/04/2019 23:02

Cheryl, we do have sex. But when you have a house full of teenagers sometimes finding a free moment is difficult and can I just say when your partner says things to you like, ‘when I get home from work I expect to be rewarded’ and ‘all you have to do is open your legs’ it doesn’t make you feel like dragging him upstairs for a hot steamy sesh.

OP posts:
ZippyBungleandGeorge · 17/04/2019 23:03

@CherylCheshire nice to see you value yourself 🙄 , some of us know we're worth more than being treated as a sex receptacle and married accordingly. Also, maybe if he didn't treat OP like a cunt she'd be open to sleeping with him

DisplayPurposesOnly · 17/04/2019 23:05

CherylCheshire, youve posted nothing but shite all evening. It's past your bedtime now.

Lifeisabeach09 · 17/04/2019 23:06

Would he agree to sell the house if you separate?

You cannot waste more of your life on this prick.