Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be suspicious of my DH

141 replies

twattingtwattytwatster · 17/04/2019 22:41

On Saturday my DH fell asleep with his phone on, I tried to shut it down and the tab for WhatsApp was opened, it’s password protected so I couldn’t get into it, but the last messages he sent that night were to let’s call him Bob Smith, now Bob has a cute fluffy dog as his profile pic and the last message sent to him contained a kiss emoji.

I’m not naive, you don’t message random blokes and use the kiss emoji unless you are gay or actually messaging a woman whose name you have changed.

I’ve just asked DH about it, I finally got him to admit it’s a woman, but he won’t tell me who she is, why he’s sending her kiss emojis or why she is hidden under a mans name. He said it’s nothing...my fucking arse!!

He had a five month affair ten years ago so I know perfectly well what he’s capable of. For the past two years he has treated me like shit, told me I’m not good enough for him because I won’t wear lipstick to pop to the shop, accused me of disrespecting him because I wanted to buy some Doc boots and told me he has women coming on to him all the time and because I don’t give him enough sex he’s going to take them up on their offers.

His absolute classic had to be six months ago when I was waiting for biopsy results after having a tumour removed from my eye and he told me ‘if you were a good wife, I’d be on my knees in tears at what your going through...but I’m not’.

So given he is a total an utter cunt, am I being unreasonable to think there is something going on with the emoji woman.

OP posts:
Chickychoccyegg · 17/04/2019 23:06

@CherylCheshire what a disgusting comment

Ineedamanipedi · 17/04/2019 23:08

OP I'm open-mouthed reading your post especially re what he said about your biopsy. I really, really hope you find yourself in a position where you can LTB. Sometimes there's never a right time though you've just got to find the strength, you sound like a very lovely person.

GirlRaisedInTheSouth · 17/04/2019 23:08

I can’t believe you’re putting a house over your future happiness! That’s insane! If I were you, I would LTB, sell the house, buy an apartment and invest some money into growing your jewelry and content-writing businesses.

Treaclesweet · 17/04/2019 23:08

What are you talking about @Cheryl

I'm sorry if that's the kind of marriage you have. It doesn't have to be. You have the right to say no to sex and still be loved and valued by your partner. Anything else is just coercion and not at all normal in a healthy marriage.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 17/04/2019 23:09

@CherylChesire, ODFOD

OnceUponAThread · 17/04/2019 23:09

I'd ignore Cheryl. She's been posting similar on every thread I've seen this evening. Just report.

Ineedamanipedi · 17/04/2019 23:10

cherylcheshire lol at your comments. You've been brainwashed good n proper haven't you love?

twattingtwattytwatster · 17/04/2019 23:12

We can’t sell the house, in order to buy into the practise we had to borrow over the equity in the property, the house prices crashed and we are still in negative equity.

OP posts:
twattingtwattytwatster · 17/04/2019 23:14

Oh Cheryl just wanted to add I am so much more than just a hole.

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 17/04/2019 23:15

Is the mortgage in both names? Or could you leave and let this wanker to pay it himself? I'd rather be penniless than live with that waste of oxygen.

Ceebs85 · 17/04/2019 23:15

Surely living in a rented studio flat is better than living with this abusive twat? Please break free from him, you are worth so much more than the way he treats you.

I'm sure others will have excellent practical advice. Please follow it and get out as soon as your can! This is no life

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 17/04/2019 23:16

Cheryl are you sniffing glue again?

SittingAround1 · 17/04/2019 23:18

Can you cover the mortgage by yourself? Would moving out and renting the house cover the mortgage (you'd have to inform the bank if you did this)?
Could you renegociate the mortgage to get a lower monthly repayment and pay for it on your own?
How much are you in negative equity -is there anyway you can save this amount up?

Basically, it sounds like you need to look into your financial situation in order to be able to get rid of this man.

Feelslikecrystal · 17/04/2019 23:21

WTactualF @CherylCheshire you surely are kidding. Thank fuck I don’t live your life, sounds horribly depressing where you are.

Sorry OP don’t have anything constructive to add for you.

AlexaAmbidextra · 17/04/2019 23:21

Oh I see Cheryl, our resident Stepford Wife has popped up again. Hmm

Iflyaway · 17/04/2019 23:25

Well, if you have 3 (almost 1) adult sons I presume you have a 50% stake in a divorce settlement?...

He's ground you right down though, so time to get off the carousel he has you on and find out info on your rights.
Knowledge is power.

Don't worry about a troll like Cheryl... she left her brain in the 1950's.

likeridingabike · 17/04/2019 23:26

Even if financially you're stuck in the same house, separating will be better for you than pretending that your H isn't having an affair and putting up with his BS, I speak from experience.

You need legal and financial advice, I know of at least one couple who split up with a house in significant negative equity, they both moved out and rented the FMH out to cover the mortgage, until it was possible to sell and both rented elsewhere, depends on the house but for then this was the best option financially as it was a large family home, they both downsized into smaller rentals in a cheaper area.

Theoldwoman · 17/04/2019 23:28

And why exactly are you with him?

Bookworm4 · 17/04/2019 23:28

@cheryl
What if a man refuses sex? Has the woman failed to be an attractive enough wife?
I hope you don't have daughters.

LightDrizzle · 17/04/2019 23:30

I think "Cheryl" has a penis and an articulate ex-wife.

Sunonthepatio · 17/04/2019 23:32

Just give him the debt laden house and move out.

TriarFuck · 17/04/2019 23:36

Very occasionally, I wish MN had a 'like' button on posts. @LightDrizzle 's post is one of those occasions.

OwnerOfThatChocolateBar · 17/04/2019 23:39

More fool you for being with him

Aria999 · 17/04/2019 23:41

He sounds like pure poison. If you can't leave can you at least tell him the marriage is over, you're not going to sleep with him any more and if he wants to put it somewhere else he's more than welcome?

Then at least you wouldn't have to shag someone you think is an a/hole.

CakeNinja · 17/04/2019 23:41

Oh my god, I think I know Cheryl the doormat in real life. Her husband really is a total cunt.
Op, I just want to send you love and a big hug Flowers

Swipe left for the next trending thread