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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be suspicious of my DH

141 replies

twattingtwattytwatster · 17/04/2019 22:41

On Saturday my DH fell asleep with his phone on, I tried to shut it down and the tab for WhatsApp was opened, it’s password protected so I couldn’t get into it, but the last messages he sent that night were to let’s call him Bob Smith, now Bob has a cute fluffy dog as his profile pic and the last message sent to him contained a kiss emoji.

I’m not naive, you don’t message random blokes and use the kiss emoji unless you are gay or actually messaging a woman whose name you have changed.

I’ve just asked DH about it, I finally got him to admit it’s a woman, but he won’t tell me who she is, why he’s sending her kiss emojis or why she is hidden under a mans name. He said it’s nothing...my fucking arse!!

He had a five month affair ten years ago so I know perfectly well what he’s capable of. For the past two years he has treated me like shit, told me I’m not good enough for him because I won’t wear lipstick to pop to the shop, accused me of disrespecting him because I wanted to buy some Doc boots and told me he has women coming on to him all the time and because I don’t give him enough sex he’s going to take them up on their offers.

His absolute classic had to be six months ago when I was waiting for biopsy results after having a tumour removed from my eye and he told me ‘if you were a good wife, I’d be on my knees in tears at what your going through...but I’m not’.

So given he is a total an utter cunt, am I being unreasonable to think there is something going on with the emoji woman.

OP posts:
FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 22/04/2019 23:39

Good god get rid of this hideous excuse for a man as soon as you've seen a solicitor for legal advice.

Chocmallows · 22/04/2019 23:44

No don't message, instead manipulate the liar back!

As many have said get proof of the affair and all assets, get a solicitor.

Pack up his stuff for him to collect in bags outside the door, arrange for DCs to be out, tell him he has to move out due to the affair and needs to collect stuff just before he comes back. Then contact her and say she is welcome to him.

Push him at her, it will help as you can then show you are in house with DC and looking after them.

In the long-run you don't need him, but you need a fair proportion of the assets.

valuationssa · 13/10/2020 06:26

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LavaCake · 13/10/2020 06:29

YANBU but seriously - who cares? He’s such a horrible prick you have every reason to leave him regardless of whether he’s having an affair. Even if he’s being faithful do you want to stay with such a cunt?

SuzieQQQ · 13/10/2020 06:32

Just get rid of him! Is this really what you want your life to be?

ErnestOwl · 13/10/2020 06:51

Forget her. Concentrate on you.

Lazyteens · 13/10/2020 06:54

Zombie thread alert!

Nanny0gg · 13/10/2020 09:14

@twattingtwattytwatster

Cheryl, we do have sex. But when you have a house full of teenagers sometimes finding a free moment is difficult and can I just say when your partner says things to you like, ‘when I get home from work I expect to be rewarded’ and ‘all you have to do is open your legs’ it doesn’t make you feel like dragging him upstairs for a hot steamy sesh.
I wouldn't let him near me!

You may have to stay with him at present, but disengage. Completely.

Move into another room for a start.

Nanny0gg · 13/10/2020 09:15

FFS. ZOMBIE

Storyoftonight · 13/10/2020 09:27

This was 18 months ago. I'm sure OP has made a decision by now.

TurquoiseDragon · 13/10/2020 09:30

ZOMBIE

romeolovedjulliet · 13/10/2020 09:44

if women are coming on to him why doesn't he shag them and leave op alone ? 'wanting a reward when he gets home,' huh, he's get a reward from me, a kitchen knife between the shoulder blades, no kidding for being such an abusive piece of shit.

MadCatLady71 · 13/10/2020 09:52

Get some legal and financial advice. You have one life, your time is precious - don’t waste any more of it with this horrible man. There will be a way out, you just need to find it. It’s obvious from your posts that you’re tough, smart and resourceful; you can build yourself a great new life and leave him to rot. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.

Really, emoji woman is irrelevant. She’s welcome to him.

Bonne courage.

JaffaCake70 · 13/10/2020 09:54

@twattingtwattytwatster

I have three children, one at uni, one at sixth form and one still at school. At heart I am strong and I used to be fierce, but I am so fucking worn down. I have literally given up my life for a raging arse hole and I have nothing to show for it. All the potential I had, wasted...I feel ashamed of myself.
I felt this comment to my core. I had so much potential too, then wasted most of my adult life being in relationships with absolute twats. I'm 50 years old now, single and feeling quite worthless. I know this comment isn't helpful in any way, just to let you know you're not alone in the way you're feeling.

Get rid of this bastard, he sounds narcissistic. Let 'Bob' have him, he'll torment her after a while too, these crappy men never change.

JaffaCake70 · 13/10/2020 09:57

@Lazyteens

Zombie thread alert!
New(ish) Mumsnetter here. Have I just sussed out that 'Zombie' means that a thread is really old? And therefore not worth posting on? Ahh well, I have just posted on this one but I'll know for future!
valsqld1 · 13/10/2020 10:38

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