Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be suspicious of my DH

141 replies

twattingtwattytwatster · 17/04/2019 22:41

On Saturday my DH fell asleep with his phone on, I tried to shut it down and the tab for WhatsApp was opened, it’s password protected so I couldn’t get into it, but the last messages he sent that night were to let’s call him Bob Smith, now Bob has a cute fluffy dog as his profile pic and the last message sent to him contained a kiss emoji.

I’m not naive, you don’t message random blokes and use the kiss emoji unless you are gay or actually messaging a woman whose name you have changed.

I’ve just asked DH about it, I finally got him to admit it’s a woman, but he won’t tell me who she is, why he’s sending her kiss emojis or why she is hidden under a mans name. He said it’s nothing...my fucking arse!!

He had a five month affair ten years ago so I know perfectly well what he’s capable of. For the past two years he has treated me like shit, told me I’m not good enough for him because I won’t wear lipstick to pop to the shop, accused me of disrespecting him because I wanted to buy some Doc boots and told me he has women coming on to him all the time and because I don’t give him enough sex he’s going to take them up on their offers.

His absolute classic had to be six months ago when I was waiting for biopsy results after having a tumour removed from my eye and he told me ‘if you were a good wife, I’d be on my knees in tears at what your going through...but I’m not’.

So given he is a total an utter cunt, am I being unreasonable to think there is something going on with the emoji woman.

OP posts:
PositiveVibez · 18/04/2019 05:50

A woman has every right to deny her husband sex but her marriage is over the very first time she exercises that right

U okay hun?

Humpy84 · 18/04/2019 06:13

No OP that sounds really disrespectful and not at all romantic and sweet. Of course you don’t feel like having sex with him. From your posts it sounds like there’s a tiny part of you that believes you’re not a good wife and deserves this. You’re not at your best as a person or s wife because he doesn’t treat you nicely. You haven’t had the opportunity to be at your best because of him. A partner should build you up and instead he has worn you down. A marriage is a garden that should be watered, he has taken your water bottle and his own and thrown them out. Your garden is in drought, there are no water supplies, find a new garden. You will find energy for work and finances, you didn’t know you had if you start again without him.

As for the wa message, he is clearly up to mischief of some sort and this is unacceptable, you are loyal and deserve more,

ilikebeckerinmyoldage · 18/04/2019 06:15

I know this might sound crazy, but honestly if it were me and we were in that much debt and living with him was so fucked. I'd probably declare bankruptcy, get the fuck out of the house, rent and never see the fucker again.

81Byerley · 18/04/2019 06:16

Move into a rented room, declare yourself bankrupt, just go.

cakecakecheese · 18/04/2019 06:44

Well yeah he's probably up to something but given the way he treats you really you should be packing him off to 'Bob' and enjoying life without this gigantic arsehat.

AvengersAssemble · 18/04/2019 07:08

Why have you stayed with this piece of shit for so long? You deserve a bloody medal OP, what a twat he is.
Please pack his bags and tell him to go to whoever will have him.

Shoxfordian · 18/04/2019 07:22

He sounds awful. He doesn't even seem like he loves you anymore. Divorce him op

ZenNudist · 18/04/2019 07:24

Legal advice. You are entitled to something from the partnership.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 18/04/2019 07:28

He's no prize ! Let 'Bob Smith ' have him - see how she likes them apples.
He sounds like my twat of an ex , all i feel for his new girlfriend is sympathy !

Saltystraw · 18/04/2019 07:32

I think you need to cut your loses and declare yourself bankrupt, Move on, start over..

His obviously cheating, but aside from that you deserve better. I bet you will shine once your away from him.

Mummaofmytribe · 18/04/2019 07:34

If the finances are that dire it could be a blessing in disguise! Nowt to lose, is there? Just walk. Take the kids, go to family if you can, and find a job and a flat.
If he can find the money to pursue you in Court, you can't get blood out of a stone.
If you can find any job you can and hopefully benefits to top it up a bit while you still have kids at school you could survive.
You'll feel so much better just for getting away.

DoctorDread · 18/04/2019 07:58

Don't declare yourself bankrupt. That's a terrible idea. But do go to citizens advice. Do speak to women's aid. Do your homework. I did. There is always a way out. Always. I lost everything. But I got free and life is now better. I couldn't see the wood for the trees and stayed because I didn't think I was financially able to do so.

But I sought advice, made a plan, and did it. And so can you.

Fannybaws52 · 18/04/2019 08:08

So you are trapped paying a mortgage for a house you'll have to sell anyway with a man who hates you while your life passes you by?

Why? Why waste another minute?

Take the money you can now and get a private let. Keep your businesses going but apply for part time jobs too and get your benefit entitlement. You'll probably find you CAN afford your own life.

Leave him with the house.

You gave him a chunk of your life so don't give him any more.

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2019 08:12

Why don't you get a job and then move out? Your kids seem to be old enough that child care isn't an issue? I don't think thr messages are the issue, there are much bigger issues, so why not get yourself financially independent and split?

WhyTho · 18/04/2019 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bringthethunder · 18/04/2019 11:16

Lets be realistic; you know he is cheating on you. The real question is how much more of this man are you going to accept and put up with? Your kids are of a decent age now where you could boot him out and build a new life. The house is in negative equity but that's equally as much his problem as yours. Personally, I wouldn't have him under my roof given that he is blatantly cheating on you and disrespects you on such a regular basis. Be fierce again OP, and tell him to sling his hook!

pinkoneblueone · 18/04/2019 11:19

Why are you still with this man? You deserve way better!

blackcat86 · 18/04/2019 11:23
  1. He's probably cheating on you again and he doesn't even care.
  1. Dump him anyway for that list of totally twatish things he's said to you.
Rockmysocks · 18/04/2019 11:40

What ilikebecker said.

Cut your material losses and leave that vile turd to his stink.

Nousernameforme · 18/04/2019 11:43

For everyone saying move I don't think she has any money to move. Going into a private let costs thousands and it doesn't sound like her jewellery making and content writing would cover that.

You need to get a job asap you can your youngest is at senior school so can let themselves in etc. Then start saving all your wages tell him its being saved for a surprise/ paying for a holiday some bollocks he will swallow then in a couple of months you should have enough to afford a small 2 bed place depending on rental prices near you

Floralhousecoat · 18/04/2019 11:53

He's counting on you feeling trapped by the financial situation and staying with him. Even if you can't move out just yet, please emotionally disengage from him. Don't do a thing for him. Separate rooms. Cook only your own meals. No laundry for him. Don't so much as make a cup of tea for him. If he tries to initiate normal conversation, don't respond beyond what's absolutely necessary. Decide that you have broken up but living in the same house for now. Grey rock him while you work out how to disentangle yourself from him.
Don't respond or engage with him. It's the only way to save your sanity.

IdblowJonSnow · 18/04/2019 11:54

Giggling at 'angry walking in basement' Grin
Op please leave any way that you can. What a miserable way to live and he is a terrible role model for your kids.
Get any decent paid job and go if u can't kick him out.

Moomoomoomoomoo · 18/04/2019 12:14

He’s a fucking abusive twat and you need a leaving plan at least.

rainbowstardrops · 18/04/2019 12:35

Jeez, a kissing emoji is the least of your problems here!
I know it's easier said than done to just up and leave but bloody hell, that's precisely what you need to do!!!
Walk away with your head held high because right now, he's laughing at you for putting up with his shit.
Stop the sex. Stop doing his washing and cooking and start showing him that you won't tolerate his crap anymore!
Blimey, do it for yourself and your children Thanks

Dontdragyourfeet · 18/04/2019 12:36

All the potential I had, wasted...I feel ashamed of myself

It would only be wasted if you stayed with him. It's never too late to start again. Could you seek free legal advice re your finances and the house? And even if you can't leave at the moment, could you put together a plan to leave? Having something positive to work towards (and knowing you are getting one over the bastard) could help.

Swipe left for the next trending thread