Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be suspicious of my DH

141 replies

twattingtwattytwatster · 17/04/2019 22:41

On Saturday my DH fell asleep with his phone on, I tried to shut it down and the tab for WhatsApp was opened, it’s password protected so I couldn’t get into it, but the last messages he sent that night were to let’s call him Bob Smith, now Bob has a cute fluffy dog as his profile pic and the last message sent to him contained a kiss emoji.

I’m not naive, you don’t message random blokes and use the kiss emoji unless you are gay or actually messaging a woman whose name you have changed.

I’ve just asked DH about it, I finally got him to admit it’s a woman, but he won’t tell me who she is, why he’s sending her kiss emojis or why she is hidden under a mans name. He said it’s nothing...my fucking arse!!

He had a five month affair ten years ago so I know perfectly well what he’s capable of. For the past two years he has treated me like shit, told me I’m not good enough for him because I won’t wear lipstick to pop to the shop, accused me of disrespecting him because I wanted to buy some Doc boots and told me he has women coming on to him all the time and because I don’t give him enough sex he’s going to take them up on their offers.

His absolute classic had to be six months ago when I was waiting for biopsy results after having a tumour removed from my eye and he told me ‘if you were a good wife, I’d be on my knees in tears at what your going through...but I’m not’.

So given he is a total an utter cunt, am I being unreasonable to think there is something going on with the emoji woman.

OP posts:
justarandomtricycle · 17/04/2019 23:44

Oh, dear, this doesn't sound good, OP. Flowers even If he hasn't snuck off the reservation, the level of bitterness in him is not good. At the very least there needs to be some real communication, but please prepare yourself and stay safe.

@Cheryl: I think you're going over the top. A mismatch in sex drives can be a terrible thing, with what is trivial in one partner's eyes driving the other secretly into depression and worse, this "first time you say no" nonsense is just that. What you describe there is not long term strife, it is sexual incontinence.

Itssosunny · 17/04/2019 23:46

So given he is a total an utter cunt, am I being unreasonable to think there is something going on with the emoji woman.

I thought you were going to say this actually, "So given he is a total an utter cunt, am I being unreasonable to stay with him."

Longdistance · 17/04/2019 23:46

As the saying goes ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me’.
He clearly doesn’t give a shit about you.

Acis · 17/04/2019 23:47

I doubt Cheryl is a doormat. I think he's a man who can't persuade women to stay with him but pretends he's rejecting them because they can't satisfy his enormous libido.

Justgorgeous · 17/04/2019 23:50

Cheryl. I really hope you don’t have children who are going to end up with your warped view of women and their worth. A sad post.

Cantthinkofanythingrightnow · 17/04/2019 23:51

@Lightdrizzle Grin that made me lol

Queenie8 · 18/04/2019 00:04

OP please leave, for you, and your self preservation and as an example to your kids. I left my exH, I had two dc under the age of 3, and I'd given up my well paid job to be a sahm. I got him to leave, I signed on, I claimed every benefit I was entitled to. Seven years later, I'm not penniless, I'm now in a relationship with a man who values me and respects me. My kids are happy and settled, and I am too. It'll be a hard year or two, but you will come out the other side. Honestly, nothing is worse than you are living now.

Get your head together, get your documents together and seek legal advice, then action stations. You can do this, you've got this.

Chloemol · 18/04/2019 00:11

@CheryCheshire. Wow ‘the first time she exercises her right not to have sex her marriage is over’ What world are you living in, she doesn’t want sex, he does and insists, in my eyes that’s rape. Everyone man or woman has the right to say no and should be respected.

lovinglifexo · 18/04/2019 00:11

I think what Cheryl is really poorly saying is that if a man isn’t getting any, he will eventually look outside. For a lot of men, that’s how they feel loved.

If you were hungry, you’d search ur house for food and if there wasn’t any you’d leave ur house and find food.

I’m not saying that’s what’s happened here, OP’s DH clearly has a lack of respect etc but I’m always surprised when women complain about their husband extramarital affairs and you ask them and they say they haven’t slept together in YEARS !!

OldAndWornOut · 18/04/2019 00:18

Is Cheryl really the op's husband?

Absolutepowercorrupts · 18/04/2019 00:19

So much reporting of trolls, and so little time. It's fucking hard work on Mumsnet tonight.

FrozenMargarita17 · 18/04/2019 00:23

Eff the bloody emoji woman I can't believe he said that to you after you had a tumour removed! What the actual FUCK

GirlRaisedInTheSouth · 18/04/2019 00:52

...we are still in negative equity.

Then walk away. Actually, run. Take the kids and run.

LagunaBubbles · 18/04/2019 01:04

Like everyone is saying I can't understand why you are still with him. You would be better off emotionally separating as this situation will be affecting you whether you realise or not.

SandAndSea · 18/04/2019 01:11

A woman has every right to deny her husband sex but her marriage is over the very first time she exercises that right.

What complete and utter nonsense!

SandAndSea · 18/04/2019 01:13

OP, you've got to get out. It's not too late. Get some proper advice and start actively planning.

ogidni · 18/04/2019 01:20

Forget the house, walk away. Just walk away. Think about it. You really can just get up and walk out. How could your life be worse if you left?

lboogy · 18/04/2019 01:44

If you're in negative equity then what's the point of staying? Is it to give the kids stability? If so I can understand that. Maybe start working on a plan to secrete money in an account he can't touch. Could your parents help you with that?
Basically you need to leave him and start financial planning how you're going to do so without him.
Good luck

LilQueenie · 18/04/2019 01:47

Sorry, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles in the sex-driven world we live in.

What world is that then because it appears everyone else here has some self respect and knows a man doesn't need sex on tap with whoever he chooses.

EKGEMS · 18/04/2019 02:18

Cheryl You need a psychiatrist who enjoys a challenge

Moorfields · 18/04/2019 04:22

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Kittycat87 · 18/04/2019 04:25

YANBU

Any woman with a sense of reality would get worried about seeing something like that.
Is there any way you can gather more information/ proof about this situation?

Meretricious · 18/04/2019 05:02

Can you get financial advice anywhere? About what you’d be entitled to through benefits? Can you afford to rent on your own. Or tell him you’ve separated but stay in house?

PregnantSea · 18/04/2019 05:08

Cheryl is definitely a bloke who hasn't had sex in 15 years lol.

OP, you need to leave. I actually don't think it even matters who "Bob" is or what's happened between them, the marriage is over anyway. His treatment of you is disgusting. It doesn't matter about the finances, it's not worth you putting up with this absolute shite. Sell the house, stay with a friend, get a new job, whatever. Do whatever you need to do to free yourself of this vile man. Your mental health shouldn't be put on hold for financial reasons.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/04/2019 05:17

I'd ignore Cheryl. She's been posting similar on every thread I've seen this evening. Just report.

I think 'she' is probably angry-wanking in 'her' mum's basement right now. Just ignore.