Bathing your kid twice a day .... is it me? Am I an evil step mother.

[lickencivers]

I’ve gained two lovely step children. One of which suffers from pretty horrific eczema. Especially on hands (all cracked open at the knuckles etc). Whilst I have dry skin myself I have zero experience of this sort of stuff with my own DC.

DP and their mum seem to be using a lot of steroid based cream and epiderm but it doesn’t do a thing to ease him.

I’ve suggested alternative things (like putting porridge oats in a sock in the bath) as helped the itching when Mine had chicken pox etc

However, they bath their kids normally twice a day. If not twice then definitely religiously every night. Without fail. Gina Ford babies —I didn’t do routine either— any way. Any help or advice? Because I’m getting ulcers biting my tongue.

It's difficult if you don't know what advice has been given. We have been advised by ds' s dermatologist to give him daily 10 minute luke warm bath. We use dermol 600 in the bath which is antimicrobial, wash with dermol 500 then diprobase on straight after. Ds's skin has improved no end since this was introduced and he has gone from eczema covering 70% of his body to just a couple of small patches and very infrequent flare ups. Previously we were doing 1 bath a week on gp's advice. So I think the advice has changed recently. Your dp really needs to go to an appointment to find out exactly what the care plan is. We have advice line at the hospital to call a specialist nurse if any concerns, is there someone like that he can call and have a chat with in the meantime?

So if they have their baths on the nights they go back to their mum, or every night even, why do you have to persist with the morning one? Presumably if bathing twice a day is part of a care plan, this will be written down somewhere? Why can't your dh take the children to see their doctor? They may have a plan but it's obviously not working.

Do they have a custody agreement? If their mum is using the threat of withholding the children, surely that in itself needs looking at?

I do understand the need to have strong routine if you are struggling, but in trying to avoid conflict, your dh is colliding in his children's misery.

It's not the children's fault the current plan isn't working.
It's not the children's fault that their parents cannot discuss this rationally.

Good luck, your obviously knows this has to get tougher before it gets resolved.

I don't know what the current advice is, but when dd2 was small we were advised that at least one bath per day, with emollient (diprobase oil) and then use the diprobase gel immediately afterwards. We were told that the bath (short and lukewarm) meant that the gel was absorbed more?

It did work in our case, but we also reduced allergens, removed dairy, and switched to fairy non-bio washing powder.

This was 20 years ago and I assume that things have moved on but it did work in our case.

She still has to use fairy non-bio though, otherwise things flare up again

itchylittleworld.com/our-eczema-trials-wet-wrap-therapy/
We found wet wraps were amazing good for eczema.
We got 2 long sleeved tops and 2 bottoms, like tights. Made out of bandage time material.
One of each was wet with warm water, squeezed out really well, then put on a heavily moisturised, no steroid cream, child with the dry layer on the top.
The GP prescribed them and they came with a DVD Thomas the Tank Engine uses wet wraps.
They were the only thing that really worked and I’m surprised they are not so well known.
We used them at night and DC didn’t get cold with warm pyjamas on the top and they didn’t get wet.
I believe you can also get gloves for hands.
The link gives a bit of an idea about them.

Love the assumption that because you are a step parent you have “zero experience” as though you can’t have any experience of parenting or life if an SM.

Direct quote from the OP, not an assumption at all.

Read this article last week or so. They mention the name of the cream which has helped their baby to beat the eczema. www.express.co.uk/life-style/health/1112428/eczema-cream-baby-treatment-rash-on-face-skin-salvation

You sound like you don’t want to do it . I feel sorry for the poor child . The poor child suffering .

You need to offer to attend a GP appointment with the child’s parents to raise your concerns and ask the GP to clarify hue the skin should be cared for . And then stick to that .

Agree a consensus with the parents of the child in a civil and grown up manner .

And if you don’t want to take on a child with severe eczema or find it stressful , don’t bite your lip , discuss with your partner and agree how this will be managed .

The child needs an army of love and support , not adults arguing and doing different things .

In the article I had posted the link to it above the parents say they stopped using the steroid creams as the eczema was getting worse. The cream which helped their son a lot is called Skin Salvation

This isn't a helpful post, but I did the Gina Ford routine on both my kids (very contentedly 😉) and it definitely does not suggest 2 baths a day.

I wish people who hate routines would stop slagging off a brilliant book for those of us who do.

That's all! Good luck with the eczema.

I'd find it hard to be in a relationship with someone who disregarded what I said to this extent.

He sort of nods along and then ignores me and baths them out of habit I think.

^^

This? Not good.

Haven’t RTFT so apologies if someone’s mentioned this already, but I have to say that Child’s Farm moisturiser (quite cheap, available at Boots) has changed my life.

It's extremely weird to shower your kids after swimming and then walk home and put them in a bath when they're crying in pain. Then what? Get up the next morning and bathe them again? You make him sound like an idiot tbh. Like some sort of automated robot...I will keep washing my child's cracked and bleeding skin....
Is he impaired cognitively? If not, then he's a sadist or a paedophilic monster who likes his kids naked. Stop absolving him of responsibility here and putting it onto the mother.

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/bath-oils-childhood-eczema-provide-no-clinical-benefit/

limiting baths and making them much much cooler made my son's eczema much better

*Our kid molly ;
*
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Im actually belly laughing!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣

Get Your OH to take his ass with kids or not to the GP. Him blindly following orders that are hurting and upsetting his children isn't doing anyone any favours. He needs to grow up,ask for professional advice and do what's best for the kids (at least during his time).

I will print off all the reports ive found and physically present them to DP.

Have you read the National Eczema Association's advice too? Or just the ones that agree with you?

Because this could well be the correct care plan for those children, if it is followed correctly.

Dear God- swimming, then a shower, then a bath?? For a kid with eczema that is like torture. That poor child. I still get terrible eczema in winter and shower as infrequently as I can get away with, and use aveeno bath/shower oil and lush dream cream. What your DH and his ex are doing is absolute madness and actually quite cruel.

Wow. I have eczema and shower every 3 days because it makes it much much worse

Agree with everyone else, my DC has this and that routine is making the problem 1000% times worse.

Oh, this is awful, poor children No advice as such as everything I thought has been said already, but I hope they get something sorted. 2 baths a day is horrific and will not be helping eczema IMO unless possibly using some medication in the bath thats from a specialist, but even then I would think it was overkill.

DH cousin has eczema and the more often he baths/showers, the worse it is, the drier it gets.

Just to say, my daughter has suffered dreadfully with eczema since she was a tiny baby. For a long time we went with commonly dished out advice of bathing her as little as possible (once a week). However a consultant at the skin hospital told us that this was absolutely the wrong thing to do and she should bath daily. We followed his advice and the improvement in her symptoms has been notable. She still has problem areas (hands, back of knees and heels) but is no longer 'head to toe'.

My DH has severe eczema and is under strict consultants orders to bath every day. She stayed with me for a week and had to be sure that was available. Totally creams afterwards. Even if on a school overnight trip or away at French camp whatever she must have access to a bath. If she follows this regime she remains clear unless triggered by other issues.

Dn not my husband!

We were told categorically, by the GP, not to Bath our dc every day due to their eczema.

Just to add dc are now 11 and 9 so advice may have changed. Only one of them still suffers mildly now.