Bathing your kid twice a day .... is it me? Am I an evil step mother.

[lickencivers]

I’ve gained two lovely step children. One of which suffers from pretty horrific eczema. Especially on hands (all cracked open at the knuckles etc). Whilst I have dry skin myself I have zero experience of this sort of stuff with my own DC.

DP and their mum seem to be using a lot of steroid based cream and epiderm but it doesn’t do a thing to ease him.

I’ve suggested alternative things (like putting porridge oats in a sock in the bath) as helped the itching when Mine had chicken pox etc

However, they bath their kids normally twice a day. If not twice then definitely religiously every night. Without fail. Gina Ford babies —I didn’t do routine either— any way. Any help or advice? Because I’m getting ulcers biting my tongue.

I always though baths were bad for eczema prone skin but we've been under too different eczema nurses (so far!) and the advice from both has been daily baths and keeping the skin well hydrated with lots of cream / ointment [we found which ones suited us best]. Bath is important as skin needs to be clean before you are adding all the extra layers or moisture.

Bath has to be water only (with some Dermol 500 during a flare up) but yep we have daily baths here and that is in our eczema care plan.

I find a warm bath with Dead Sea salt helps mine.
Then cetreban emollient.

I use the gym 4/5 times a week but manage to stay perfectly clean and smelling nice with a wash (simple soap!) and shower and hair wash twice a week.

It's kept my skin clear for a long time

They’ll take them swimming. Shower them after. Then bath again when home. I literally bang my head against the wall while I can hear the tears from the bathroom. I have reached my limit tonight tbh

That’s awful o/p. It sounds like they need help. I don’t know who you’d call as an adult without PR though? Gp/hv/school nurse? Or do they have a dermatology contact? Possibly a phone call to express your worries that you are hearing the child very distressed and think the parents may need some help managing the condition?

How old are they?

Do they live in a hard water area and do they have a softer? My son had bad ezema and we were offered a water softener if he participated in a study on how water softeners could improve ezema. I think its really bad to be using so much steroid cream as thins skin for when he is older. My friend has patchy skin she said was from too much steroid use when younger.

Would you be able to speak to their health visitor, on a "no names" basis so that you don't get any flack from it, but just ask her to raise the issue when she next sees the DC?
Your DH is being ridiculous, if he is ignoring/won't read the articles and research that you have sent him.

Child's farm is also great!

"DP I really hope that you don't mind but I came across this article (produce scientific peer reviewed paper - you'll find loads) and it made me think of DSS/DSD. It suggests only a thing X times because of XYZ. I feel a bit awkward because I don't want to step on toes but do you think it would be worth a try?" Would be my first tack to open the subject and then you can go up/down as needed. It is tricky when they're not your own so it's a bit of diplomatic trickery to meet their needs whilst avoiding an international incident!

I'll clear up I wash daily but bath twice a week!
Other days is a quick 2 minute under shower

I don't only wash twice a week 🙈

Bleach baths?

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/atopic-dermatitis-eczema/expert-answers/eczema-bleach-bath/faq-20058413

Those poor babies. I have really dry skin and water makes it 100 x worse it is agony the minute water hits it.
I don’t know what the answer is if your being ignored. Just wanted to echo everyone (well almost!) else.

Current advice is once a day some kind of bacteria on the skin that should be washed of daily. My baby has eczema at one point we were emollient 4 times a day to get under control.

Iv also been told emollient should be washed off after each application to avoid build up so maybe that's why the two baths. Iv never done this but it makes sense as we did have build up when we were applying four times a day.

Wtf - this is cruel and has to be stopped.

I have a DD with chronic eczema and it can be hard to get your head around what helps - but two baths a day plus regular swimming in chlorine is either sheer idiocy, or a coldly deliberate way of hurting a child.

Which is it - is your partner an idiot, or is he deliberately hurting his child?

I couldn’t live with someone who did this tbh, seeing the pain DD’s eczema causes her.

How can you ignore evidence based research, doctor's advice and your own children's screams just to avoid getting a rollicking from your ex? I think this would be making me evaluate the whole relationship tbh.

I have minor eczema on my hands but it doesn't take a genius to realise that repeatedly striping their skin of oil with hot water is going to make dry skin worse.

I was told to bath my son twice a day and to cover him in a 50/50 mixture of aqueous cream and emulsifying ointment. It worked wonders so not such a bad idea

Maybe they’re following this and key is to moisturise within three minutes of getting out of the bath or shower. Are they doing that?

nationaleczema.org/eczema/treatment/bathing/

I would have agreed with you OP as my DS suffers too. He gets a bath twice a week but his skin despite creams remains dry and sore so I looked up the guidance-

nationaleczema.org/eczema/treatment/bathing/

Might have to rethink what I am doing

Does she get benefit payments because of the eczema? Some kids qualify for this. If so she might have an ulterior motive to keep it problematic.
FWIW Cetraben has been bloody amazing in clearing up our DCs eczema.

Does DC not see a dermatologist or at the very least a GP about the eczema?

Dermatologist for my 8 month old DS has us bathing him every night for no more than 10 minutes using hydromol bath emollient and dermol 500 as a soap sub, along with moisturizing him 4 times a day with cetraben (tried epaderm, zerobase, zeroderm, hydromol... cetraben has been the best at actually making his skin feel smooth) and using steroids for flare ups.

IME, if what you're using/doing to treat the skin isn't working then it needs to be changed asap. Can't DP see it's not getting any better? Won't he take DC to see a GP?

Hmm, ok.

I take back my angry words if they are actually doing the moisturising within three minutes thing, as detailed on aweedrop’s link.

Bloody hell @Serin! There are loads of parents saying they were given the same advice, there's no reason to think it's sinister

Not your problem. Put the telly on and leave them to it. If they want multiple drama filled bathtumes daily, let them crack on. Seems ridiculous to me but mine behave a shower x2 per week.

Maybe get the most recommended cream on the thread because you start using that cream and have it in your bag to slip a bit onto him when you can to see if it helps ?
If you make it a huge issue they are going to feel you don't rate their parenting and in a step family you have walk a finer line.

Has your DH spoken to the dr? My cousin had a very servere skin complaint. It wasn't eczema, far more serious than that so this may not be relevant but my aunt was advised to bath with emollient regularly.
My son and i both have eczema and we've had the advice to limit baths but skin care advice isn't always the same for everybody so it might be worth your DH trying to speak to the GP/dermatologist if he hasn't already.

Once a day is ok for a bath/shower or less often but twice a day seems excessive. I found a lot of what the eczema society recommended useful with DD. She's 9 now and flare ups are less frequent.
Avoiding rubbing the skin so flannel or sponges; no rubbing with a towel to dry off, just pat dry.
Steroid creams aren't bad if used correctly. Avoid perfumed laundry products and any bath stuff-baby products and the likes of Child's Farm claim they to be good but they are awful.