Bathing your kid twice a day .... is it me? Am I an evil step mother.

[lickencivers]

I’ve gained two lovely step children. One of which suffers from pretty horrific eczema. Especially on hands (all cracked open at the knuckles etc). Whilst I have dry skin myself I have zero experience of this sort of stuff with my own DC.

DP and their mum seem to be using a lot of steroid based cream and epiderm but it doesn’t do a thing to ease him.

I’ve suggested alternative things (like putting porridge oats in a sock in the bath) as helped the itching when Mine had chicken pox etc

However, they bath their kids normally twice a day. If not twice then definitely religiously every night. Without fail. Gina Ford babies —I didn’t do routine either— any way. Any help or advice? Because I’m getting ulcers biting my tongue.

Can you find information on caring for skin with eczema and print out for him?

Or mention what you know from your medical knowledge.

dd had eczema as does my sister. Bathing every day can worsen it let along twice. Every other day at the the most would benefit here.

If mum has MH issues causing her to insist the kids are constantly bathed then no amount of stuff printed out from the internet is going to change her behaviour, nor is it going to give your DP a backbone.

How about 'discovering' that your oatmeal bombs have clogged the pipes up and nobody can have any baths for a couple of days? Or finding some excuse to put swimming on hold? It might not make any difference, but if it does you have a convincing argument that DP is colluding in damaging his children's health, and if he doesn't care about that then what are you even doing with him?

I think it's up to your DP to attend medical appointments and find out what is being advised by the children's GP.

Even though you are a medical professional, it doesn't mean you automatically know what is the best course of treatment for your DPs children.

As you will have read up thread, washing daily is absolutely recommended by some GPs.
Eczema triggers and solutions can be very different for different people. There is no one size fits all.

If you were SM to my DC and took it upon yourself to intervene without knowing the full medical history or medical advice given, I would be extremely annoyed with you; especially if you ended up making the eczema worse in the long run.

Your DP doesn't need print outs biased towards one way of thinking, he needs to pull his finger out and get involved in physically attending his DCs medical appointments so he knows their vital medical care information, first hand!

I s not just about the twice daily bathing though is it?

Your partner is ineffectual to the point of stupidity.

Depends on the type of eczema. I get keratin spots with mine so I try and shower daily so I can exfoliate gently with a flannel which helps to no end. Took until I was an adult to work that out. Other types of eczema you're definitely better off sticking to maybe 2 baths a week.

Lush body conditioner is like a moisturiser for in the shower so traps more moisture in the skin and it lasts sooooo much longer for me than moisturiser. Before I discovered it I could moisturise my entire body every couple of hours and still be dry as a bone half an hour later. As PPs have mentioned you need to moisturise immediately within a few minutes of getting out of the bath for it to be effective. I think the Lush store is great because you can go in and swatch all the moisturisers down the inside of your arm and see if you have a reaction to any of them before you buy them. They do solid body conditioners as well which are even more effective at trapping moisture in and have the added benefit of working well in the bath.

I have met a few people with really bad discoid eczema on hands which cracks open and is really unpleasant. They found a tea tree balm (tea tree oil with beeswax and coconut oil iirc) slathered on basically an inch thick and bandaged up overnight worked wonders.

I would only bath twice a day if the bath included some medicated lotion or some other prescribed cream etc for the Eczema.

It's probably making the eczema worse but I don't think there's much you can do OP. It's up to the parents and as a step parent it's very difficult for you to start a conversation with the mum about something like this without it being taken the wrong way.

Pressed post too soon! I also wanted to add;

Your DP is the one who should be getting involved. He needs to stand up for his child. This is his fight, not yours.

Asked him last night where they see a dermatologist etc and he said that they were told to use the fucibet on it. No discussion regarding showers or baths or water was had. Just fucibet and the epiderm. I’ve basically lost my shit in a rather hormonal way at him and said enough is enough. I’ve been subtle I’ve been clear medically I’ve tip toed but not any more. He was v quiet for a bit and then went and put some child’s farm and socks in his dc hands. Has agreed to email his ex re concerns. We shall see. Think he was taken back. I’ve also absolutely banned swimming for the next few days (they’re with us til return to school next week)

My DS has eczema and a dermatologist told me that baths are not bad for eczema as everyone seems to think, it's the opposite in fact. Twice a day is ridiculous though.

Well done @lickencivers

Those poor poor children.

There is something very strange going on there with the Mum. I would say it's verging on abuse. Swimming, a shower then a bath, then a bath in the morning.

Maybe she doesn't think her kids are "clean" because of the eczema.

Horrendous, I'm not sure I could be around someone who physically hurts their kids for no need.

Such a difficult one. I do hope you can resolve it for your own peace of mind and the comfort of those poor poor children.

OP, why are you completely disregarding the posts that say current advice they have received is to bath daily?

Sounds like it's not working for the children in question but it doesn't mean the mother is being neglectful if that is what she has been advised to do?

And yes if course you would also shower them after swimming?

You may want to note OP, that its GP's who tend to advise not bathing daily whereas all the posters who say they have been advised daily baths, seem to be under more specialist care?

Consultant dermatologists do recommend frequent bathing (sometimes even bleach baths ) for people with infected eczema. Often alongside a prescription for fucibet.

Please do not interfere with the kids treatment plan when you have no knowledge of their medical history. You’d think a “medical professional” would know this . If you want to help the kids, get their father to be more involved with their medical appointments/communicate better with his ex, but please don’t assume this is just the mother’s “mental health issues” and you know best.

My LO has just received a eczema diagnosis and I was told to give her 2-3 baths a week and to use Dermol during the bath, and another type as a daily moisturiser.

www.mumsnet.com/parenting/child-eczema-qa?fbclid=IwAR22jyqDwvV-NW7eeN7B6bT56RZpYVEjDHOKfPC4IU0kvENz9ylVO9AzYgE

Well done for showing some concern
Most water is hard and will dry out the skin
Could u suggest that you give a trial period when the children are not bathing twice a day and monitor the difference.

My children are adults now but I was told not to bath the one with eczema more than twice a week and in fact when it was really bad I was told only once a week (district nurse came and bathed, creamed and bandaged). Twice a day seems extreme for any child and potentially damaging for a child with eczema.

Jesus, twice a day for eczema makes me shudder. Ds had it badly at a point and washing him too much just made it worse.

Look up dr richard aron. Saved my sanity. And anyone who has a child suffering.... Please do look it up. It really doess work.

My DC has eczema and is under dermatology. We have been told:
Bath once a week - no more
We use epaderm and cetraben morning and evening as a minimum but up to 10 x per day if eczema is bad.
Porridge baths or a bath with classic head and shoulders can help with itching (I find the latter to be more effective but it’s trial and error)

The only steroid we’ve ever found to be effective is Elocon. You only use a tiny amount for no more than a week but it’s amazing stuff. None of the others have ever had any impact but this really does make a difference

The best and only thing you can do is defer to the advice of the dermatologist

Can I be clear I’ve made NO assumption that any Mh issue of the mothers is the reason why she baths them. I’ve also repeatedly said I have bitten my tongue. Good old MN for sticking the boot in.

I did say I had no experience of eczema in my own DC however I have studied and read and I see a dermatologist for my own psoriasis.

As for the “OP, why are you completely disregarding the posts that say current advice they have received is to bath daily? ”. I’m not. I’ve been told by DP that the dermatologist suggested to use the fucibet and no advice was given as to baths. There’s no bath oils etc on the prescription lists.

I guarantee that bathing was discussed at the appointment. Especially because their eczema is infected (hence the fucibet). They will have been told about the importance of keeping the skin clean. Bath oils often aren’t recommended because they can irritate the skin it doesn’t mean daily bathing wasn’t recommended, just water is sufficient if an emollient is used immediately afterwards.