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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not let him see the kids

313 replies

Insywinsyy · 17/04/2019 12:56

Last week DP took DD’s to a trampoline park where DD (7) lost her mobile phone. We got her another over the weekend but she couldn’t remember her iCloud login details so DP logged into his account on her phone so she was able to put some Apps and stuff back on to it.

Last night DD (7) came in from her friends, handed me her phone and said there was an album titled “hidden” and it didn’t have very nice things in it. So I obviously took the phone and checked and to my absolute horror and disgust there were numerous porn pictures and some pretty graphic porn videos.

I quickly deleted everything from the album and said to her I would tell him to sign out of his account on her phone and we would make her a new account.

Because he had signed into his iCloud on her phone, all his pics and videos also went on to her phone.

I have honestly never felt so ill in my life, the fact he even had this stuff in his phone is bad enough but for my 7 year old to have been exposed to this is making me feel sick to my stomach, to say the least.

I didn’t want to cause a scene last night in front of the kids but I did ask him to sleep on the sofa as I couldn’t bare him being near me. This morning when the kids went to school I told him I wanted him to leave. At first he refused to go and said it wasn’t his fault those pictures ended up there!!

The house is mine, everything is in my name so I told him if he didn’t go I would call the police to remove him. Eventually he went.

I have a 12 day old baby and he has just text me asking if he can take the baby to see his aunt later. I really don’t want him near us but I don’t know if stopping him seeing the kids is the right thing to do either. Would I be unreasonable to tell him he can’t take the baby to see his aunt?

OP posts:
Aridane · 17/04/2019 15:46

This man is dangerous

Eh?

pallasathena · 17/04/2019 15:46

Loads of victim blaming....child is 7 ffs.
OP I totally get your reaction. Its a line in the sand for me too.

Mosschopz · 17/04/2019 15:47

This is the kind of shit you risk when you give a 7 year old a device that accessed the internet

RomanyQueen1 · 17/04/2019 15:49

There's no victim blaming, nobody is blaming the child, it's the parents who are irresponsible.

AnnieMay100 · 17/04/2019 15:49

I’d be angry about the fact he has posed photos of himself, has he cheated in the past? Any signs he’s likely to? Sorry to add a downer but that was my first reaction. As for your dd she’ll forget about it in time id personally take the phone away until she’s a bit older too. Kids can find anything online there’s nothing stopping her typing a ‘rude word’ Into google and finding porn herself accidentally. If you don’t trust her dad I can understand why you wouldn’t want him to take the baby if there is more to the story, but it will give him ammunition against you. Don’t let yourself look the bad guy in this. When you’ve calmed down talk to him and see if you can come to arrangements if you’re certain it’s over.

Aridane · 17/04/2019 15:51

He had graphic porn on the phone that he gives his dd to play with and downloads it one her phone- and somehow the OP is the bad guy

Yes - but for the overreaction of saying the father cannot see his own children

Richmond1972 · 17/04/2019 15:53

how embarrassing is that going to be, explaining to people why your wife kicked you out. "because i had a porn folder on my phone, it transferred to DDs phone and she saw it". Shock

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 17/04/2019 15:53

I’m completely against porn but it was a mistake.
I think you are over reacting if he’s usually a normal guy and it’s not extreme porn x

pallasathena · 17/04/2019 15:55

RomanyQueen1

Its the FATHER who is irresponsible ...why blame the mother too???

lyralalala · 17/04/2019 15:56

This is the kind of shit you risk when you give a 7 year old a device that accessed the internet

Except photos and videos saved to the phone don't require internet access...

lyralalala · 17/04/2019 15:57

Romany
My WTF was at the suggestion that it wasn't a big deal because it would happen at some point anyway.

Shinesweetfreedom · 17/04/2019 15:58

Well you are not going to know everything that a 7 year old is able to view on YouTube.
YouTube on a television in the family lounge in front of everyone is one thing,but in private, on a phone where anything can be viewed,er just no.
Age 7 absolutely not,give your head a wobble.

BertrandRussell · 17/04/2019 16:01

“This is the kind of shit you risk when you give a 7 year old a device that accessed the internet”
This was not on the Internet. It was on her father’s phone.

Nicknacky · 17/04/2019 16:01

Annie why should my husband be angry I have photos of myself on my own phone?

Whodafeck · 17/04/2019 16:02

How the fuck did the op let a 7 year old have access to a phone she didn’t have the passwords to?

Inadvertentlybrilliant · 17/04/2019 16:03

For everyone harping on about allowing the 7-year old the i-phone, maybe the OP was not the only person involved in that decision? It may well have been a joint decision with OP's DH.

Whatever you think about what age to give a child a phone, there have now been numerous comments about it. I think the message has got through now. It's getting really boring just going over the same old things. It also doesn't help the OP who is obviously very upset (and has recently given birth so probably exhausted and hormonal). Give her a break, guys, please.

NoCauseRebel · 17/04/2019 16:04

He had graphic porn on the phone that he gives his dd to play with and downloads it one her phone- and somehow the OP is the bad guy? Give me strength! but that’s not how it happened is it? Leaving what the DD accessed aside for a moment, both the op and her DP were to blame because when the DD lost the phone and was given another one, they didn’t have the iCloud details to enable her to log straight back into her account.

Him having porn on his phone is a completely separate issue,and is between the OP and her partner. However they are both culpable for the fact that a seven year old has had unsupervised access to resources which could equally have contained the same kind of porn and would have continued to do so had she not lost the phone in the first place and had the DP not logged her in via his iCloud account.

So while I wouldn’t be happy about a partner having any kind of porn on his phone regardless of who had access to it, the fact that he did has highlighted a massive flaw in the OP and his parenting.

multiplemum3 · 17/04/2019 16:05

How very fucking dramatic you are. It's not great but you want to stop him seeing HIS children which would cause a lot of emotional damage to them?

lyralalala · 17/04/2019 16:08

Him having porn on his phone is a completely separate issue,and is between the OP and her partner. However they are both culpable for the fact that a seven year old has had unsupervised access to resources which could equally have contained the same kind of porn and would have continued to do so had she not lost the phone in the first place and had the DP not logged her in via his iCloud account.

The photos and videos were downloaded to the phone. So not on the internet, just in the photos folder so they wouldn't have been available on the DD's own account as they wouldn't have been there.

Even will full parental controls that blocked porn online these photos and videos would have been accessible because they were saved to the phone.

Shadowboy · 17/04/2019 16:10

A 7 year old with an iPhone?!!!
Bonkers!
Also some men watch porn. It’s not illegal. Did you not check her phone over? If she’s 7 you are responsible for all content.
Also where in the world are you that your child is in school today? Mega late Easter break!

Nicknacky · 17/04/2019 16:11

My kids are in school today. Are all week apart from Friday

CardsforKittens · 17/04/2019 16:12

I really don’t understand why so many people are minimising by saying it was just a mistake, or deflecting by saying a 7 year old shouldn’t have a phone. This is a very serious matter. Or do some of you think that seeing a bit of porn is harmless to a little girl?

Nicknacky · 17/04/2019 16:13

Because it was a mistake, he didn’t go it deliberately. And no one can undo what’s done.

lyralalala · 17/04/2019 16:13

Did you not check her phone over? If she’s 7 you are responsible for all content.

What bollocks. The father set up the new phone he should have checked the content he was putting on there.

adaline · 17/04/2019 16:14

I really don’t understand why so many people are minimising by saying it was just a mistake, or deflecting by saying a 7 year old shouldn’t have a phone.

None of this would have happened if they hadn't bought a 7yo a mobile phone in the first place.

Her dad made an easy mistake - set up the new phone with his account details and didn't think through that all his stuff would be transferred to the new phone.

But a 7yo should not have an iPhone in the first place - especially not one that she can take out of the house and use unsupervised.