To ask those who have high earning partners......

[Hollypies]

I’m shocked by the amount of women on MN with very high earning DP/DHs and I wonder, how did you meet and what is your life like? I can appreciate this is a little nosey, but after years of dating/being in relationships with men who are very low earners and with no ambitions in terms of their career....I’m very curious. I’ve always assumed that highly successful men/women usually mix with their own kind and meet an equally high earning spouse through their work or social circle... but thought it’d be interesting to ask!

I’m afraid it isn’t.

And another one

Wealth is relative isn't it. If you live in a sw London road and all the houses are worth £3m and the residents are bankers, surgeons, lawyers, with clients who are oligarchs, you will lnow you are very well off but you won't feel enormously wealthy.

Yeah but regardless of where you live, most people don't send their kids to private school.

Well they did where we used to live! And they do where we live now. It absolutely isn't a regardless of where you live thing.

Why so many posters can’t accept that some women just don’t enjoy working? Not everyone wants a career, has enough stamina or determination, likes waking up early or wants to spend their day in a stressful environment. Each to their own.

He is a high earner. I am high earner.

I can't imagine it being any other way. I wouldn't be prepared to support a partner who didn't contribute financially.

Why so many posters can’t accept that some women just don’t enjoy working? Not everyone wants a career, has enough stamina or determination, likes waking up early or wants to spend their day in a stressful environment. Each to their own.

FFs, so the man doesn't work either.
The state looks after the family? or what?

Modgnik, no, my husband is looking after our finances and pays for schools, medical insurance and other expenses. I just don’t like working, I tried many times, find it very stressful and DH is ok with me staying home and not contributing financially. I hold several degrees, I enjoy studying but find work environment stressful.

I just don’t like working

Being brutally honest I couldn't sell myself like that.

Well, my partner is prepared to support me, because me supporting him has specifically contributed to him having such a successful career, and enables him to continue to do so - up to and including shifting to the other side of the world. So it's a win/win situation.

Actually, I've given up a shit load of goals and dreams to enable his career - which I appreciate for providing for the lifestyle to which we've become accustomed.

My DH has a very successful career- but so do I. You don't have to sacrifice your own career for a partner to be successful. That is a depressingly sad view- its isn't 1957. It is possible for both equal partners to have a successful career.

You don't have to sacrifice your own career for a partner to be successful

You don’t have to, it’s perfectly valid if you want to.

Wealth is relative isn't it. If you live in a sw London road and all the houses are worth £3m and the residents are bankers, surgeons, lawyers, with clients who are oligarchs, you will lnow you are very well off but you won't feel enormously wealthy.

In most conversations, when we talk about wealth, it is relative to the average. In your example, your own personal sense of wealth may be skewed, but you still unquestionably and objectively are wealthy.

You don’t have to, it’s perfectly valid if you want to

How would you feel if your DH came home and announced that they wanted not to work anymore but wanted to stay at home?

How would you feel if your DH came home and announced that they wanted not to work anymore but wanted to stay at home?

When does it really happen like that? I don’t know about you, but when I was married we made decisions like that jointly.

Had the decision been made the other way I would have been equally as happy with it.

How would you feel if your DH came home and announced that they wanted not to work anymore but wanted to stay at home?

You’re presuming that all the women who are SAHM’s have made the decision unilaterally. I imagine that’s rarely the case.
Our decision was based on many discussions. It was a mutual decision. If ever one of us wasn’t happy with the arrangement, we would discuss it and find a mutually agreeable solution. As it happens, I would like to go back to work when my youngest is 1 (he’s currently 18 months). We’ve dicussed how this will work practically, childcare fees etc. If DH wanted to stay at home we’d discuss that too.

My DH regularly comes home and announces he doesn't want to work anymore

Problem is that at least one of us has to, because we kind of like having a roof over our heads!

I don’t know where 18 months came from. He’s currently 14 weeks.

When does it really happen like that?

I know at least 2 couples were in their late 40s/50s that have broken up because the wife refused to work after the children has started school in 1 case and left home in the other. The men were very high earning and felt that they could no longer carry a passenger as it really wasn't what they had ever signed up for- they imagined that both would work equally when they married as newly qualified professionals.

They are both now married to working professional women.

^ sounds like they had poor relationships with a lack of communication.

I know at least 2 couples

That’s nothing more than anecdote though.

That’s nothing more than anecdote though.

In response to a post that said that it doesn't happen?

Ooops, pressed too soon!

Realistically I think it’s rare that decisions are made unilaterally, much more likely that a couple makes decisions.

And whilst decisions don’t take place in a vacuum, it’s important that a couple does what is right for them.

That’s nothing more than anecdote though.

Most of mumsnet is anecdote

Yawn, why not aim to be a high earning woman yourself rather seek advice as to how to land a high earning man?

I earn well over six figures, approx £40k pa more than DH.