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Original poster

To ask those who have high earning partners......

469 replies

Hollypies · 16/04/2019 20:33

I’m shocked by the amount of women on MN with very high earning DP/DHs and I wonder, how did you meet and what is your life like? I can appreciate this is a little nosey, but after years of dating/being in relationships with men who are very low earners and with no ambitions in terms of their career....I’m very curious. I’ve always assumed that highly successful men/women usually mix with their own kind and meet an equally high earning spouse through their work or social circle... but thought it’d be interesting to ask!

OP posts:
queenscot · 16/04/2019 21:34

Dated several high earner actuaries, Drs, business owners. Met them clubs, dating sites anywhere. High earner type can be narcissistic or Asperger types, not an easy path. High earners later on in life tend like trophy wife who dress classy who they can show off. I've had more fun with poorer guys but I love with my head.

Helspopje · 16/04/2019 21:36

I’m a consultant in the nhs (national published pay scale)
Husband earns 3-4ishx mine prebonus
We met online dating in our mid 30s

Highway · 16/04/2019 21:36

We met at university, I went into the lowly paid teaching profession. He went into private/contracting, now earns 6x what I do.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 16/04/2019 21:36

RiddleyW
Fabulous answer

Absofrigginlootly · 16/04/2019 21:36

Why is it offensive? The OP was saying she’s curious what your life is like being married to a high earner after years of being with low earners/low ambition.

It’s just a question I don’t see the offence

Greeborising · 16/04/2019 21:40

My gran used to say “successful men don’t look for a wife in Woolworths “
I know that’s awful but I would say that she had a point (albeit rather an archaic one)
Birds of a feather and all that

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 16/04/2019 21:40

We both earned pretty good ‘starter’ salaries when we met in our 20s. When we had DC his salary had outstripped mine. He also lived his job and I was unhappy at work so we agreed I would be SAHM. Since then I have done some PT jobs that fitted round school, so not great money whilst his earnings have rocketed. I retrained in a new profession which has kept me sharp, but after qualifying decided not to take a paid role but to only work pro bono for a charity whose aims I support. We are financially very comfortable now and we see this as a way of sharing our good fortune. That isn’t as altruistic as it sounds BTW, it’s superstition as much as anything else. I feel quite guilty that we have so much (particularly as I wasn’t the one putting the hours in) and irrationally feel that if I don’t share it, the universe will punish me.

JacquesHammer · 16/04/2019 21:43

When we met, I was the higher earner and supported then husband in setting up his own business. He’s now a high earner. We met in a pub Grin

chocolateworshipper · 16/04/2019 21:43

When I met DH (we met at work), I earned more than him. He now earns 10 times what I earn. It was a joint decision that I took a step back career-wise when we had DCs and he has been promoted several times since then.

bellsbuss · 16/04/2019 21:44

We met 23 years ago in a bar , I was 20 he was 27. He was a builder earning decent money and I worked in the civil service. It wasn't until he started his own building company 2 years later that he started earning more and this increased year on year as his reputation grew. We have 4 children and I haven't worked since our first was born 21 years ago. I wouldn't say we are rolling in it but we are very comfortable, have a nice house, holidays every year, nice cars, we eat out when we want to and I have my hair , nails and facials done every month. My 2 year old goes to nursery 2 days a week and I meet up with friends for lunch and spa days. I never ever take this for granted though as I grew up one of 5 children and we were quite poor and I try to instil in our children that not everyone is as lucky and not to boast about what they have. OH does earn six figures but I wouldn't and don't feel the need to tell anyone this in rl. Tbh with the way the cost of living is going I don't know what you would need to be earning to class yourself as rich now.

Sarahlou63 · 16/04/2019 21:44

High earners later on in life tend like trophy wife who dress classy who they can show off.

Not always the case. My OH (later in life) loves shedding his office uniform as soon as he gets home then spends the weekend getting dirty on the farm.

CherryBlossom23 · 16/04/2019 21:44

You really need to qualify what is high earning to you?
My OH earns roughly 3x what I do, we met online Wink. He earns more because he was naturally interested in an area that happens to pay well, is really good at what he does and works incredibly hard. I am interested in arty careers so will never be a millionaire on my own Grin. It is nice having extra money to go on weekends away or stay in nice hotels on holiday but his career makes no difference to who he is as a person or his core values, I'd love him the same if he worked at McDonald's. He worked his fare share of minimum wage jobs during school and uni but has always been good with money and saving so that helps.

bellsbuss · 16/04/2019 21:45

We met 23 years ago in a bar , I was 20 he was 27. He was a builder earning decent money and I worked in the civil service. It wasn't until he started his own building company 2 years later that he started earning more and this increased year on year as his reputation grew. We have 4 children and I haven't worked since our first was born 21 years ago. I wouldn't say we are rolling in it but we are very comfortable, have a nice house, holidays every year, nice cars, we eat out when we want to and I have my hair , nails and facials done every month. My 2 year old goes to nursery 2 days a week and I meet up with friends for lunch and spa days. I never ever take this for granted though as I grew up one of 5 children and we were quite poor and I try to instil in our children that not everyone is as lucky and not to boast about what they have. OH does earn six figures but I wouldn't and don't feel the need to tell anyone this in rl. Tbh with the way the cost of living is going I don't know what you would need to be earning to class yourself as rich now.

Camomila · 16/04/2019 21:46

I read the OP more as a relationships question than just about money...as in the OP is looking for someone with more ‘get up and go’ about them.

DH is on an average salary, but almost everyone with high earning partners I know either met at uni or through work. Apart from a friend who met her DH on a train to Wales!
I don’t know anyone who met their partners through hobbies (apart from uni ones)

Aroundtheworldandback · 16/04/2019 21:46

Dh in top 1%. Don’t have to worry about money- just one less thing to worry about.

OhTheRoses · 16/04/2019 21:46

When we met nearly 30 years ago I was high earning and DH was skint. We met at a Christmas ball. I accompanied his friend. I was at the top of my game, DH was just starting. He is a year younger but after prof quals was just starting out. He had much better prospects and much more ambition. I had money and connections.

Roll back 25 years and I was ready to give up work and be a SAHM. From when ds was born I did everything home and child related and freed dh to focus on work. Looked at schools, did parents' evenings, sorted emergencies. Made sure his pants and hankies were pressed and folded how he liked them. Cleaning and ironing always subcontracted.

I did go back to work when dc at school because I was so bored.

We are both a little driven by nature. Oh the other people at the ball all v successful - men and women alike. Most went to a famous uni - I would say all earn between them at least 300k. What's interesting is they all are still together.

bellsbuss · 16/04/2019 21:46

Sorry posted twice by accident

FairyBunnyAgain · 16/04/2019 21:46

When we met I was already earning a reasonable salary, he was a student. I built the equity to buy our first house.
My salary was better than his for around 10 years, equal for a while, then he found his niche and started to earn plenty. With 2 young DC I continued to work full time in my career but took the opportunity but to cash out on my company and work as a senior manager instead.
I still have a decent salary by DH earn some at least 4 times as much as me, neither of us flash our wealth, the only outward sign is we go on nice holidays.

NoughtpercentAPR · 16/04/2019 21:47

This is all relative isn't it. On paper, I earn about £200k a year but much less than that cash in hand after tax and overheads. I don't regard myself as high earning because I mix with people who are far more high earning than me.

I would call £500k + high earning and I won't date anyone who earns less than me. Most of the women I know date men who do the same job that we all do and met at work.

I'm not sure what the point of your question is but if it is "how do I meet a wealthy man" the answer is go where they are.

ShawshanksRedemption · 16/04/2019 21:48

We met at work (I was design based, he was IT based).

LemonTT · 16/04/2019 21:50

I love these threads because pp’s somehow find themselves compelled to reply but don’t want to post anything outing. 🤔.
So of course they have to add a few £10ks to the at least 6 figure salary, A set of twins if a SAHP and (if they too work) a slightly bigger salary themselves. Just so they don’t get recognised in rl.

Original poster
Hollypies · 16/04/2019 21:50

Sorry I should have been more clear. By ‘high earning’, I was thinking 6 figures.

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 16/04/2019 21:52

We're high earners collectively (DH's salary and my BTLs) - when we met he was on a break from employed work to develop his app sadly not FB, Candy Crush or Instagram and I was a paralegal. He then took a tech job in an investment bank for visa purposes. I trained as a lawyer and took a qualified position at £100k+ p/a. He moved to a major Silicon Valley company with a high salary plus shares. I bought a flat, a house, another house. We had DD, I now work around her for a few hours a day, he works conventional hours. So we've outearned each other at various times but it wasn't as though either of us saw dollar signs when we met the other.

OhTheRoses · 16/04/2019 21:52

There's quite a lot of scope there though - 100,000 to 999,999.

Oly4 · 16/04/2019 21:52

Met online.
His salary has doubled in the time since we met, mine has stayed the same and is much lower.
He’s as down to earth as he ever was.
His salary means we are comfortable, have a nice house, can go on holiday. We don’t have to worry if the washing machine breaks.
But I don’t take any of it for granted.