To ask those who have high earning partners......

[Hollypies]

I’m shocked by the amount of women on MN with very high earning DP/DHs and I wonder, how did you meet and what is your life like? I can appreciate this is a little nosey, but after years of dating/being in relationships with men who are very low earners and with no ambitions in terms of their career....I’m very curious. I’ve always assumed that highly successful men/women usually mix with their own kind and meet an equally high earning spouse through their work or social circle... but thought it’d be interesting to ask!

According to one website, DH’s and my combined income put us in the top 3% of the UK.

Here are some statistics: 25% Earn gbp 78k, 10% earn 170k, 5% earn 270k, 2% earn 460k

@Harujakubabe, your figures don’t match with what I am finding when googling. For example an article I found in the Guardian from 2017 says ‘the top 1% in Britain are defined as those earning more than £162,000 before tax, according to HMRC’s latest Survey of Personal Incomes (SPI).’ And another article in the Guardian from 2017 says those who earn over £70,000 a year are in the top 5% of earners. The absolute mega bucks, super rich is the top 0.1%.

This graph on Wikipedia matches approximately the figures in the Guardian articles I cited. For the year 2013:

Those who earn approx £65,000 are in the top 5%
Those who earn about £110,000 or more are in the top 2%
Those who earn about £160,00 or more are in the top 1%

sorry @harajukbabe, I tagged your name wrongly in my comment above. @paisleycrib, I also forgot to tag you to show you much less than 17% of the working population earn £170,000 a year as was suggested by harajukbabe’s figures. According to the graph I
posted above, in 2013 those who earned more than approx £35,000 would be in the top 17% of earners.

Met when DH was a student. Through online dating. I was 19, he was 21. He graduated into a great job and was promoted within 3 months. Life is great with us, DH’s family is the family behind a major bank. Growing up vis parents were rarely there. He refuses to be the same so he works his arse off during the day, evenings and weekends are us time.

Haven't RTFT as I about puked in my mouth at one of the earlier comments about Tindr being narcissists and men with asperger's, thanks for the casual hate there scotswhateveryournamewas.... However today on Youtube a video came up for me, not sure why, something about how to get a luxurious life, and it was a woman expunging on how to be a "sugar baby" and be part of the babe jet set. It was truly horrific but the worst part was that the sheer number of girls commenting were seeking the same thing, to snag a rich man. It seemed a bit high-end escort. I can't believe girls actually see this as a valid career move.

My DH earns 6 figures. Before we had kids I had a great professional career and earned more than he did. I went part time after child 1 and stopped climbing the career ladder and eventually "retired" altogether after child 3. He just kept slogging away, working really hard and putting in the hours and has worked his way up the salary bracket and earns some amazing commission. His job made it very difficult to do my job after we had kids. I now run my own business which fits around the kids. He's come from a poor working class background and worked like a trooper to get where he is.

Most of the high earner husbands I know are bankers/ doctors/ lawyers / businessmen/ tech and met their wives at uni, in the workplace or through family, when they were not high earners. When they settled down and did become high earners some of the wives chose to be stay at home mums for practical reasons as some of the hubbies worked crazy hours and they preferred to look after the kids than have a nanny. The ones who kept their careers had no option but to hire live in aupairs or nannies. I must admit I’ve often been repelled by already successful men for a host of reasons such as overly materialistic and can only talk about money or respect money, philanderers believing the hype of their success, professional arrogance, stereotyping shallowness, cultural miopía etc. Therefore I personally think looking for a wealthy man is overrated, but ambitious is interesting. So I would suggest like Michelle Obama says stick with the man you love and you will be rewarded......etc. Something or other and I would encourage him to do what he loves , be patient and positive and not nag too much when he is too busy working to take you out or do stuff together...something from Ivana Trump about how to marry a millionaire...was it accept that they will be extremely busy and not there for you much? That’s the price you pay for wealth...hence the old adage of the lonely depressed aging trophy wife so learn to be busy and fulfilled in your own life etc. Or conversely have your own ambition and you will attract others like you possibly.

And if that doesn’t happen and you become rich from pursuing your ambitions then who cares if the guy you love isn’t if there are other things about him that you value or need much more, like kindness, an ear, nursing you to health, loving, good with kids or whatever! Maybe you don’t need that now but after you’ve tried a rich selfish twat you might

We met at work.

He is in a technical field. He became an independent contractor. That wasn't easy on our family. We've had good and bad times financially.

He's introverted, i am more extroverted.

I work very hard to support him bc i am chronically ill and cannot work out. I try to keep up on housework, meals, laundry, etc., he's not one who likes working around the house (but he does. Every weekend).

Idk about anyone else. We didn't mean to have wage disparity; we fell deeply, madly in love 32 years ago.

But i made certain (after living with a dead beat) that i chose to fall in love with a responsible wage earner. His good salary came much later and we both sacrificed to do it. He has a much better education from the beginning.

Good luck. Love is a choice. Infatuation (hormones) lead you down a dangerous path.

I don't doubt you personally at all! But it does seem rather strange that 2% and above of high earners in the UK are all on Mumsnet. Or at least their wives are!

I'm the higher earning partner....I'm on MN all the time when I should be doing something more productive (like everyone else!). I wouldn't usually be posting during a working day unless I'm having a quick look while eating lunch at my desk.

I've taken two days off before Easter to potter around the house and catch up on life admin and things that need to be done around the house.

I grew up in a working class family so I'm too stingy to pay other people to do things if I think I can do it myself

God I'm agog at some of the figures people are earning on here. Husband and I have been married 30 years earn nothing like the figures here but own our own house with no debts have nice holidays and more importantly are very happy

I don't think it is weird high earner women are on mumsnet. If you work in an office (I am working in my home office today) you are more freedom to post when you like,whereas my son who drives a van for al iving is working constantly in the working day so could not be on line. That would be the same for cleaners, call centre workers (and surgeons and barristers when in court) all of whom are hand on all or most of the time they are working.

I just pickd high paid work when I was 14 (commercial law in London) because I wanted particular things in life and it worked out well but women can be equally happy with no money or earning it by cleaning their husband's house, providing sex and minding his children etc etc.

or earning it by cleaning their husband's house, providing sex and minding his children etc etc

Nice little dig there!

Although actually the wives of rich husbands tend not to do the cleaning or childcare as they have a cleaner and a nanny and there is now no legal obligation to provide sex within marriage (when I married a husband could not rape his wife in English law as you gave continuous consent to sex when you married, but that has now changed).....

Not all wives of "rich husbands" stay at home. Many choose to do so but many others quite like working.
(Caveat: I don't love my job per se but I enjoy working).

or earning it by cleaning their husband's house, providing sex and minding his children etc etc

Its our house and our children

And im sure dh would agree that i dont provide him with sex

I don’t ‘provide’ sex to my husband, I have sex because I enjoy it and because I want to have sex with him.
I mind our children, as does he when he’s not at work.
Our cleaner cleans our house.

Actually, my dh provides me with sex, in our house. I care for the children.

I think we’ve had this conversation before, but you didn’t simply “choose” commercial law in London. You probably had some luck in getting there. Many people graduate with law degrees now and cannot find a job. I would have loved to have been a lawyer, but I do not have the intelligence, to be frank. I’m sure you worked your arse off for it, through school, university and after. It is not “because you chose”. You are being unfair both on lower earners and on yourself by insisting on using that word all the time.

I care for OUR children ffs. Told you I’m not that bright .

or earning it by cleaning their husband's house, providing sex and minding his children etc etc.

See now that is offensive

I do not “earn” my money by providing my DH with services
By staying at home I enable him to focus solely on his career whilst still being able to have a family (which he wanted!) and we both consider his earnings “family money” because it is a joint effort on both our parts to enable him to be successful at work and earn it

I was just waiting for the thread to turn into a dig at SAHMs because these threads always go this way on MN. Apparently we are little more than brain dead milking cows who leach off our husbands and don’t “contribute” to society according to the things I’ve read on MN

Whatevs

I was just waiting for the thread to turn into a dig at SAHMs because these threads always go this way on MN. Apparently we are little more than brain dead milking cows who leach off our husbands and don’t “contribute” to society according to the things I’ve read on MN

I rather like cows and I am not so keen on society anyway .

I don’t think this has been an anti-sahp thread though. I think everyone has been fairly civil. I mean the “providing him with sex” etc was clumsily worded I think. Weird, for a hotshot lawyer, but whatever.

Yeah i agree cup

I like xenia as a poster even if i dont agree everything she says

Theres no 'side' to her

DH earns a good, almost 6 figure wage, and we paid our mortgage off a couple of years ago. Not in London, but we are SE. We are both 33 and have a 2 year old child. As a PP has said, all money is family money - just one account and savings account between us.

I work one day a week in a job I love, and worked hard to get. Any chance of further promotion isn’t possible right now, but I am happy with that.

DH is the one that works full time as he earns far more, would not be able to work part time, and would struggle to get back into the field after time off. His hours aren’t too long, and he never has to work weekends etc.

My work is far more flexible, as long as I maintain my registration.

I love the life we are able to live. We never worry about money, have a cleaner, and are able to take our parents & child on lovely holidays. I am able to enjoy all my time with my DC, and never feel that I am rushing anywhere for drop offs / pick ups etc. We are able to just enjoy life together and have fun.

We met at sixth form and were friends for a few years before getting together.

I think its lovely to read about these experiences of couples 'growing up together'. I hope I can find my 'best friend' in part two of my life too.