Do you ever wish you married for money?

[augustales]

Or do you ever wish when picking a partner you considered money?

[downcasteyes]

"I’d recommend marrying a good hearted, kind and decent man or woman with a strong work ethic who can make you laugh."

Every magazine for teenage girls should have this on the cover!

[Honeydukes92]

I always thought so as I’d grown up struggling, but;

Early twenties I dated a guy. His family were incredibly wealthy (known all over the world) but he’d taken his fathers surname so had no idea until he told me.
I’m talking, private planes and islands level of wealth.

We had a real connection, and that angsty intense kinda love thats addictive at that age. But he was VERY guarded and I had quite a complex about being ‘less than’ him 🤔 felt like I’d never establish muself in his shadow.

We had his CRAZY row one night because he wanted to send the children (which we didn’t even have yet) to boarding school abroad!! I left shortly after and I don’t regret it. It’s a very different world/mentality and whilst I don’t want to struggle financially... I don’t want that life either!

[EleanorOalike]

@downcasteyes

Thanks, I’d agree with you if it wasn’t so bloody hard to find one .

[MaybeDoctor]

I partnered-up and then married young to someone with not much money but a lot of intelligence, drive and ambition. Twenty-five years on he has achieved everything he ever dreamed of, but is still not content. We have a lot of money, by anyone's standards, but he feels that I don't contribute enough.

I don't and can't regret it. But I didn't foresee that his drive and desire for success would cause such significant problems in our relationship.

[downcasteyes]

@EleanorOalike Don't give up! They are out there. Took me til the age of 31 to find mine. He's a much better person than I will ever be, in every way.

[happyhillock]

Yes i do especially as im sitting here practically skint

[gubbsywubbsy]

I picked a husband based on I knew he was ambitious and sensible but I find those things attractive rather than a jack the lad type .. it worked out really well for us but I also love him very much and wouldn't change him regardless ..

[EleanorOalike]

@downcasteyes thanks, I’m 35 and have definitely given up! Well done though for finding one.

[MitziK]

No - but I'd have liked the one I have to become wealthy, as it must be nice to have a single moment in your life where you aren't worrying about how the bills are going to be paid.

[SuperSara]

@Honeydukes92

That’s really interesting. Not hugely dissimilar to a relationship I was in at around 18 to early 20s.

Although certainly not wealthy on the scale you’re talking of, my ex’s father had (still has) a very successful business which he’d started from nothing and grown into something which made him and the family very well off.

I mention that because he’d come from quite a poor background himself so I assumed he’d be very ‘normal’ and easygoing with regard to money, despite the wealth he’d acquired but, in reality, even at my young age he was pulling strings with my ex around when he should propose to me, when we should marry, children, the house he’d buy for us, etc.

It was very bizarre and quite frightening actually. Needless to say it was also off-putting and I split with ex before it went too far.

I subsequently married a great man who is a relatively high earner and I managed to progress my career to the point where I’m at around 70% of his salary.

I’ve never given a second thought to the ex and “what could have been...” until earlier this year when by complete coincidence I boarded a flight home from Asia and ex’s father was a couple of rows behind me! He didn’t recognise me, or if he did he kept quiet, as did I, but it got me to thinking about how it would have been with him as my FIL and in all likelihood how awful it would have been.

It felt almost overwhelmingly empowering to be sat there feeling as though I was his equal - long haul business class after a successful meeting - rather than what I’d have been if I’d married his son, which I expect would have been a producer of grandchildren and a bored ‘housewife’.

Anyway, cool story and all that, but I know I’d hate to be with someone for their money.

[GaraMedouar]

Yes, my ExH had a very low paying job, so I had to be bread winner and work full time. I went back to work each time when the babies were very young, and couldn't be a SAHM or go part time, which I would have preferred. we didn't divorce over money issues though. Then my ExP was a lovely, friendly Baloo the bear type of guy, but no responsibility. Loads of debt, self employed hobby job. We had a child together, and eventually after years of him 'cocklodging', I suggested he contribute financially or leave. I had lost respect over time with him. He chose to leave, with a shrug. No maintenance whatsoever for our DC.
Won't be doing that again. If I ever have a partner again, don't want him to be rich, but just financially solvent. But rich would be good!

[trilbydoll]

For all my dreaming of swanning around all day while an army of nannies and housekeepers do all the boring stuff, actually now we have dc I think it's very nice to be equals financially. I like it that sometimes dh is more important, sometimes I am more important and very occasionally we let dc come first

[PeterParkersSpider]

Yes, I do regret that. I married far below me. I can't imagine marrying a rich man being much worse than marrying a low class abusive arsehole.

But then again money isn't everything and it can't buy class.

[RaininSummer]

I am actually much happier with my broke partner than I ever was with much richer ex.

[Crushedvelvetcouch]

BlueMerchant

Yes.
I think I set the bar low in all respects if I'm totally honest.

This in spades.

I'm an absolute idiot and only just coming to realise now that I am the architect of my own misery because I married poorly.
I didn't ever believe that I deserved somebody to look after me because I have such poor self esteem.
Now we're in our thirties my friends are expressing incredulity that somebidy as 'attractive as I am' couldn't have done better for themselves.

Its not my looks that are at fault, its my self worth and I wish I had realised this years ago.

I will be advising my daughters to make sure that they marry well, they shall not repeat my mistake if I have anything to do with it.

[Butteredghost]

It wasn't an option for me as I'm rather unattractive and my personality isn't much better.

But that's fine. It's important that my partner have a sensible attitude towards finances - no constant over spending, endless debt, gambling etc.

[MooBaaLaLaLa]

I married the poorest and shortest man I ever dated and I've no idea why.

I think my lack of self esteem led me to make bad choices and I assumed other men never took me seriously as a marriage prospect.

Looking back though, I could have done a lot better, I wasn't short of offers but I didn't realise at the time.

I'm pretty unhappy but there's a part of my brain that says I don't deserve a nice life.

[Crushedvelvetcouch]

MooBaaLaLaLa

I can sympathise completely.

It really is shit, isn't it?

[justarandomtricycle]

There are happy and sad poor people, happy and sad rich people and happy and sad people in between.

Life is what you make of it, better to marry for happiness and love than anything else I think.

Of course that's no guarantee of a happy life, but that guarantee doesn't exist whatever you do.

That's the most unpleasant thing I've read in along time and , as a class, I hate men.

You should probably address that. Prejudice is small-minded and will only limit you.

[GiantPretzel]

I will be advising my daughters to make sure that they marry well, they shall not repeat my mistake if I have anything to do with it.

What about not behaving like Mrs Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, and advising your daughters to consider their likely income when choosing a career, rather than view their economic potential in terms of what they rate on the marriage market?

[lboogy]

Absolutely! I have expensive tastes

[Crushedvelvetcouch]

Because GiantPretzel,
despite having a good degree, career and salary I am miserable as sin married to a cocklodger. I also love my daughters immensely and categorically do not want them to find themselves in a similar predicament.

Will that do for you?

[SnowyAlpsandPeaks]

Right now I’m skint. I’m missing my previous salary. So right now- too right I would!

[Chickenwing]

Nope. Me and dp struggle along every month but he is wonderful and my life with him is amazing. He makes me happier than anything money could buy.

[unlimiteddilutingjuice]

I can't imagine the circumstances in which a rich man would want me!
I'm no one's idea of a trophy wife.