To ask why some mum's don't care about feminism?

[ExtraPineappleExtraHam]

I have a daughter. I want her to have the same rights as her brother, the same opportunities, the same life experiences.
I try not to bore but I think that any mum who has a daughter should be interested in feminist issues, if not for herself. Yet I still feel that not enough people give a shit.
I post on another group where mum's dissect every part of the parenting experience. We're talking thread after thread of car seats, which sling to buy, how to talk a toddler out of a tantrum without using negative language. Yet when I posted about how we can encourage girls to get into STEM I got no response. Does anyone care? I feel like I get nowhere when I try to get the debate going about how we should give our daughters the best toolkits to go off there and be amazing. In real life too, I sometimes feel people glaze over when I talk about equal rights, like it doesn't effect them. You are a woman, you should care!!

I get where you're coming from, but it's not a particularly accessible subject. Tantrums and car seats are familiar to all parents, I imagine a lot of people just don't know where to start with big issues like this.

I wasn't trying to get a big debate going, it was more 'here is a great STEM role model, does anyone else have any other examples of great women who are alive today who we can use to show our daughters that you can do anything?'

Is it because you focused on STEM? Many women have done amazing things outside of STEM subjects too, does it have to be limited to that? Maybe that was the issue?

It's still not particularly accessible. I have degrees, have worked in academia so I do have talking points around this - I think I'm in the minority to be honest (not trying to be goady it's just not a universal experience). I probably wouldn't respond to that on Facebook either, seems a bit out of place with the other topics.

I think it's because many women don't believe that there is inequality anymore. It's not something which they believe in or give any thought to.

This is not my personal opinion btw.

We are so conditioned to accept what is the norm, what is shoved in our faces by the media, or by our immediate circles, often we just accept the status quo.

It’s a tricky one. SIL, who benefited from private education, paid for by her mother, rails against feminism despite having a daughter.

I’m regularly disappointed by the attitude of women to their daughters.

I feel like I'm too uneducated for feminist subjects so tend to avoid. I do want my dd to have the same rights as her brothers though. Now I'm off to Google what STEM is.

I think feminism is a bit of a Pandora's box, inasmuch as when you start looking and paying attention, you start seeing sex based injustice and discrimination everywhere. If the smooth running of your everyday life is dependent on you maintaining the status quo, for whatever reason, the cognitive dissonance is going to be very uncomfortable. It takes integrity, imagination and empathy to stay the course. An openness and willingness to see things for what they are as opposed to how it would be nice if they were.
I am currently experiencing similar cognitive dissonance around the climate emergency, having to face up to and process the fact that our elected political leaders have not been telling the truth about climate change nor acted in our best interest for decades. I'm really struggling with this one.

Science Technology Engineering and Maths

Because if the forum is full of people in that first fog of parenthood, choosing slings and car seats, then careers aren't really on your radar, I'd have thought.

Plus, after a conversation I was having yesterday about what first solicitors, and then barristers are charging per hour, the Scientist in my family was definitely saying they wouldn't encourage any of our dc into such a poorly rewarded profession

They do care- just not in the same way you do. Your particular example re STEM figures/examples was abstract. If I was discussing car seats/slings/toddler tantrums etc and a fellow poster popped up with a question about STEM role models I would secretly be thinking "Christ I'm trying to wrestle with bedtimes, mealtimes, constantly questioning kids, work, relationships, family, money, aging parents and this eejit wants me to throw out a couple of examples of STEM role models?"

I have three daughters (13 to 8) I care a great deal about feminism, I do a great deal but tbh I'm a bit rusty on STEM examples but I can talk forever on the importance of female reproductive rights. Nothing gets my back up more than the accusation that some women don't do feminism right.

Nothing gets my back up more than the accusation that some women don't do feminism right.

Nothing else to add to this. Agreed.

I have an almost 11 year old girl. No one (family, teachers, tv programmes, characters in the books she reads etc) has ever told her she can't do something 'because she is a girl'. She joined her primary school at age 3 (Nursery Class) and both the girls and boys have always done every single subject - including PE - equally and together. From the age of about 9 they did start getting changed for PE seperatly and the girls have had a few girls only lessons about periods but that's it. Her secondary that she will be going to will also be everyone does the same equally. So at what point in her life she will suddenly think 'I can't do that because I'm a girl' I don't know. Perhaps these parents you talk too don't really get into discussions about how to give their daughters the same chances in life as their sons because it never even crossed their mind they would tell their children 'you can't do that because you are a girl/boy'.

What bookmum08 said. OP seems to be tilting at windmills.

As a mum of both, I want my kids to grow up with equal rights and opportunities. What I cannot abide is all the current fashion/trend/message of ‘the future is female’, ‘girls rule the world’ etc. The way to raise girls up is not by dragging boys down.
What I want is to see the message ‘hey there kid, you’re an awesome person full of so much potential to go out there and do good!’. Priorities.

Well I wouldn’t have clicked on your thread as it sounds boring and I don’t have a dd, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important. And I absolutely believe that boys and girls grow up thinking there are things that are “ok” for one sex but not the other. I see this in things my dc tell me - from nursery up. That video “run like a girl” is excellent if you haven’t seen it - shows the change to confidence/self belief that happens to so many of us around puberty.

As you have toddlers it might be a bit early for Stem ! They will care but baby steps (literally !)

OP I find your idea sexist.

All parents should care about feminism, parents of boys have an equal resonsibility to educate about sexism.

I have one child of each sex. I feel no less obligation to educate my son about feminism.

It’s about time and place for many, you are looking years ahead, others are focused on the now.
I’d probably be thinking more about the way young girls’ choices are more narrow than when my daughter was a child, 20 years ago. Clothing, toys and accessories are far more gendered now.

Why do you feel the need to shoehorn your toddler into STEM to make a feminist point?

My DD couldn’t be less STEM. But she’s doing feminism in her own way. And that’s ok.

Maybe stop trying to make political points and let people, you know, get in with what’s important to them?

Ah yes, I did leave out the bit where you think you are creating a mini me and end up with a whole new person with different opinions instead!

Haven't got a clue what you are talking about 🤦‍♀️

The occasion / audience was wrong. Easier to talk about detail of car seats etc when you’re in the mire. It doesn’t mean people don’t care about their daughters doing STEM. The people in the group might or might not but many do.

We're all about feminism and stem in our house

How exactly did you post? Are you wanting to push your girls into stem?

My eldest is only 4 but I tell her she can be/do anything and call out others who make silly comments.

Twice she has come home from nursery and the boys have said something like "you can't like dinosaurs youre a girl" and twice I've talked to the nursery manager.

Feminism is something everyone needs be involved in, mums, dad's, women, men, girls and boys. But just because someone isn't actively pushing stem doesn't mean they're doing it wrong.

As an adult stem is just not my thing but that doesn't mean I'm not a feminist