To ask why some mum's don't care about feminism?

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I have a daughter. I want her to have the same rights as her brother, the same opportunities, the same life experiences.
I try not to bore but I think that any mum who has a daughter should be interested in feminist issues, if not for herself. Yet I still feel that not enough people give a shit.
I post on another group where mum's dissect every part of the parenting experience. We're talking thread after thread of car seats, which sling to buy, how to talk a toddler out of a tantrum without using negative language. Yet when I posted about how we can encourage girls to get into STEM I got no response. Does anyone care? I feel like I get nowhere when I try to get the debate going about how we should give our daughters the best toolkits to go off there and be amazing. In real life too, I sometimes feel people glaze over when I talk about equal rights, like it doesn't effect them. You are a woman, you should care!!

We've come along way andwe are equal

We have come a long way. We aren’t done yet though: look around at gender stereotypes in this country, at the pay gap, at the way “female” jobs (including bringing up children) are less valued, look at the 80,000 women raped each year, at the numbers of women in refuges fleeing DV. Look worldwide at FGM, the way women are treated in the Middle East, the way rape is used as a tool of war.

We have come a long way but we are far from being equal.

In my world, it's girls who are showing to be more ambitious and making their ways to top careers, including studying for STEM subjects. Their brothers on the other hand seem much less interested. All the girls I know who have wanted to get onto the career ladder have succeeded very well.

Frankly, I am more in line to fight for my boy's rights because there is so much fight for feminism, I think it's boys/men who get left behind. For one, I don't understand why men are not fighting for more relaxed appropriate dress code at work when women can wear just about anything they want and men are still stuck with trousers, formal shoes and ties even when it's 30 degrees.

I will support DD and DS in whatever they choose to do. I won't be pushing DD into STEM in particular over anything else though. That would be taking away the choice and opportunity already available to her.

Honestly? Because it sounds like one of those feminist things. The ones that people trot out to make themselves feel all suffragette.

If DD likes STEM, cool. But she doesn’t. She likes princesses, barbies, make up, unicorns and rainbows. I’ve failed, obv.

Hi Guyliner!That's not what I meant and you knew that. FYI you're one of the feminists who ruins feminism.

No. Im not. People who call themselves feminist whilst not understanding it are.

They're nearly as bad as pescatairans who tell people vegetarians eat fish.

Hi Guyliner!
That's not what I meant and you knew that.

FYI you're one of the feminists who ruins feminism.

If you think feminism is "ruined" by women who care about feminism speaking up, you're a fool. When does equality stop being worth something? Because someone said it in a way you don't like?

Tunnocks
That's not what I said at all. I said that women should look to find a sahd because men manage to find a woman happy to be a sahm, it's equality.
Every couple might not need a sahp, but my point was employers shouldn't change to support both parents working, couples should do what's available to them with having children to care for.

Men can wear what ever they like where i work

God forbid anyone should 'feel all suffragette'

No. Im not. People who call themselves feminist whilst not understanding it are.

Bad feminists. You need to do it right.

It’s a big tent. You can interpret it any way you see fit. Choice, rights and equality being the end game surely?

employers shouldn’t change to support parents yes that’s really the way to make a more level playing field for women isn’t it

"“Feminism has fought no wars. It has killed no opponents. It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties. Its battles have been for education, for the vote, for better working conditions, for safety in the streets, for child care, for social welfare, for rape crisis centres, women's refuges, reforms in the law. If someone says, 'Oh, I'm not a feminist', I ask, 'Why? What's your problem?” ― Dale Spender

Yeah, bloody uppity women feminists.

tssdncp do you have a fucking problem? You can read. You can see I was specifically responding to someone telling me how I should do feminism.

Tbh I think on a parenting forum that is aimed at parents of younger children, you'd probably get more interest / responses if you asked for recommendations of great science/engineering early years toys, or books. Or ideas for simple science experiments to do with toddlers/preschoolers at home. Asking for (presumably adult) role models feels a bit inaccessible when you're in the throes of early parenthood. But making volcanoes with bicarb and vinegar - that I reckon people might get more on board with.

God forbid anyone should 'feel all suffragette’

You’re deliberately missing my point, which is that all the STEM focus is performance feminism. It’s not because people give a shit about women/stem, it’s because it’s the ‘right’ thing to be seen to give a shit about.

all the STEM focus is performance feminism. It’s not because people give a shit about women/stem, it’s because it’s the ‘right’ thing to be seen to give a shit about

Um. I’m not sure all the women in STEM programmes run by universities, businesses and schools would agree with this analysis.

'Performance feminism'?! Now I've heard it all.

Actually by focusing on getting girls into traditionally male roles you are completely undermining feminism. You are perpetuating the principle that only traditional male roles have value and therefore you are automatically undervaluing the traditional female roles.

Try concentrating on increasing the pay and status of traditionally female roles if you truest care about feminism.

Feminism is about celebrating all that is good about women, not just finding ways of women being like men

Try concentrating on increasing the pay and status of traditionally female roles if you truest care about feminism.

It’s possible to do both, you know?

Why do you think STEM is “traditionally male?

Its possible to do both. I think its important to celebrate female roles and improve the pay and conditions in the work-roles women traditionally do and i think its important not to limit women to these roles. I want to be valued for all the free care work i do and i want my secretarial role to have the status it actually deserves.

I also want to feel that society would now support me being good at maths rather than pushing me into English as actually happened. Its not undermining feminism to acknowledge that women also like these subjects and careers but arent confident enough to pursue them or dont get the early exposure so they start on back foot.

My husband and I are both successful scientists and our 2 daughters are growing up in a household where both of us contribute equally to family finances, housework and childcare. I won't draw attention to feminism, in our lifestyle there is no need.

I write scientific software, for over 30 years.
Does that sound like a 'traditionally male role'?

But, many of the earliest scientific software programmers were women. It was an undervalued occupation.

Then computing took off, men started taking over, status and salaries rose. It's not feminism that causes occupations to be under or overvalued.

But it's a perfect job for a mother - requires no physical strength, very possible do to flexibly. I've worked from home most of my career, part time since DD started school, Internet makes it ever easier to work this way. I think I helped set a precedent, there's a few other women now - and the company benefits by retention of our skills.

Sorry not directly related to the post! But ...

I work in a largely female dominated stem subject (Psychology) - well, female dominated except at the top posts where is remains male dominated. Psychology is often looked down on and not taken seriously, and seen as an easy option for students at uni. I often wondered if this is because it is female dominated and whether it would be taken more seriously if all the students were male. Sad really :(

When my DD was 2 I had no interest in talking about the future, ie STEM careers. Now she is 16 and wanting a career in science I would be interested. Does that make sense? It’s none of my doing though as I have no tangible interest in STEM subject myself.
If a girl is good at science and maths, that’s great, but it would be equally great if she excelled in English and drama, surely? And conversely for a boy.

... and related to my above post - don't get me started on Psychiatry vs psychology!! Psychiatry is unbelievably male dominated (generally middle class, middle aged males almost always wearing suits). They are paid way too much and taken way more seriously than their psychologist counter parts much (if not all) of the time. This, despite the fact that clinical psychologists at least, are educatd to doctoral level (higher than Psychiatrists) and have at least as much training. The roles are different but of a similar level, yet psychologists get paid significantly less. Oh, the sexism in the world of Psychiatry and psychology is massive!! grrrrrrr.....