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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About a different meal to the one that's been slaved over?

523 replies

breakthepattern · 14/04/2019 19:31

Person A thinks that's what's been served for dinner (2 adults, 2 DC under 7) is what we're eating. End of. If you don't like it, you don't eat it, that's your choice. It's delicious and not "out there" or very unusual.

Person B thinks if you've never had it before, try it a little and then say you don't like it, it's ok for you to be made an alternative just for you, so you don't go hungry.

Who is BU?

For further info it's one of the DC refusing the food.

It's squash risotto with sage and pine nuts so quite "adult" depending on your perspective / diet.

And the replacement alternative was a ham and cheese wrap, no cooking involved.

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 14/04/2019 21:00

About a different meal to the one that's been slaved over?

Don't you cook every day? You cooked a family meal, not a State Banquet.

There’s not a chance I would have eaten that as a child

There's not a chance I would eat it as an adult. I don't eat squash or rice or pine nuts so for me that meal would be inedible but would happily prepare something else for myself.

If the person who doesn't like it is a child, are they old enough to prepare themselves something else to eat?

Floofboopsnootandbork · 14/04/2019 21:00

OP you are obviously person B

I’d have said she was person A, the dramatic “slaved over” and saying the meal was delicious and not "out there" or very unusual when thats actually an opinion, not a fact makes me think that’s the obvious one.

OffToBedhampton · 14/04/2019 21:01

*not gone well , i meant!

In my DC's lives so far, I've had one throw up at the table and 4 who've been sick in the car on way home, where they've been made to eat something they said sorry but they really didn't like it (I learnt after first time, the other times were by well meaning but bossy family who they were with at the time)

So my DC know they absolutely can say sorry but it's not going down well, if it's making them feel nauseous.

cantkeepawayforever · 14/04/2019 21:01

Here is what we're having for dinner. Eat it or wait until breakfast.

I think that is entirely reasonable of you have cooked something that either is, or is very close to, something they usually eat, or something that you could reasonably predict that they would eat knowing their likes and dislikes (e.g. lasagne if eat spaghetti bolognese and have also eaten white sauce in the past, or baked breaded fish if they have eaten fish fingers, or chicken casserole if they have eaten roast chicken and vegetables with gravy)

However, if you have cooked something genuinely 'new', then i don't think it is reasonable, even for children without the medical issues that DS had around food, to expect it to be their only option at a main meal. Expect them to try it, yes, but not to eat enough of it to form the main part of the meal - exactly as others said, routinely having bread or vegetables or salad or fruit or cheese or yoghurt as part of the meal to eat as well as a taste of the main dish is a really good 'non-contentious' way round it.

SpriggyTheHedgehog · 14/04/2019 21:02

I'm with person B. It's cruel to force a child to eat something or go hungry. If you literally can't afford anything else then that's a different matter, but otherwise they could have fruit, bread and butter, a sandwich, cereal etc. There's no need to cook another meal.

AdaColeman · 14/04/2019 21:03

Pine nuts are actually seeds, so nut allergy sufferers might well be OK with them.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 14/04/2019 21:05

My kids have always loved butternut squash risotto and I've always put sage in it. My recipe is from an Anabel Karmel toddler book.

I've always offered a meal and never offered an alternative if they kids don't eat it. They had to sit with it in front of them for 10 minutes before I took it away.

I did always offer them a snack later on though to make sure they don't go to bed hungry.

KittyMarrion · 14/04/2019 21:08

I would never force anyone to eat something they had tried and didn't care for. I wouldn't want anyone in muy household to go without dinner either so I would opt for option B.

DC has sensory processing difficulties and struggles with certain foods. I always encourage them to try but without pressure.

As a vegan my heart always sinks when the vegan option is butternut squash. It's often mushy and bland.

Chouetted · 14/04/2019 21:08

I would say that learning to eat a meal you don't like (as opposed to "will make me vomit") is a useful life skill, but under 7 is not an age at which one can be expected to learn it.

Dreamscomingtrue · 14/04/2019 21:09

Two of my sons have nut allergies, to different nuts! You really need to have an allergy test to see which nuts you are allergic too. Both can eat peanut butter, one is only allergic to almonds, which is in a lot of things, so he has to check labels. The other son is allergic to walnuts and hazelnuts which is in less products, usually confectionary.

Thesearmsofmine · 14/04/2019 21:11

I’m person B. As long as they try I am happy if they don’t like it they can have something else just toast or a bowl of cereal or something. Rarely happens though.

BedraggledBlitz · 14/04/2019 21:12

I'd go with B, as long as they had tried the food before dismissing it. No big deal, it's easy to make a wrap.

My reply has been shaped by having to eat my dad's boil in the bag cod and parsley sauce every Wednesday for 2 years.

IHateUncleJamie · 14/04/2019 21:12

I am an alternative meal maker as I was the child of person A but to the nth degree - being made to sit for hours and force down food even if it was cold and made me gag.

My dd has been a food refuser since she was weaned. She would only eat a very limited repertoire and our battles to try to get her to try new foods only led to terrible anxiety for her and stress for everyone. (Turns out there is a medical reason for this so I’m glad we started quite early on to make alternatives for her when we wanted Chili, curry, risotto and so on.)

If I were the OP I would say “please try this” and if the child tries it and really cannot eat it (and that particular risotto is a very adult taste) then say “Well done for trying” and give them a healthy alternative. It’s not worth the grief of having a major battle over a meal that wouldn’t even appeal to some adults.

Punishing a child by making them eat what is provided or “go hungry” gives me the horrors.

So Person B is right, IMO.

Thesearmsofmine · 14/04/2019 21:12

My parents were person A and it messed me up when it comes to food. I am opposite with my own children and they will try anything.

Whoops75 · 14/04/2019 21:13

I’m person B

Risotto is poo

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 14/04/2019 21:15

I wouldn't provide an alternative, or DD would start insisting on one at every meal Hmm But there would be loads of veg with it, from the (small) selection of veg that she deems acceptable. We get through most dinnertimes with her that way! Thankfully DS eats basically everything with gusto.

Boulezvous · 14/04/2019 21:15

I love squash risotto but wouldn't even cook it for my 16 and 18 yr olds. It's just not a flavour they would go for. I think it's fair to ask kids to try something but I'd go B and let them have something Wales that's easy.

I cook a chicken or prawn risotto and they've always loved it since they were young. But it's creamy and proper comfort food. It's not hard to make - just 30 minutes of stirring then throw in the protein at the end.

AventaRizon · 14/04/2019 21:17

Doesn't sound all that appetising to me, I certainly wouldn't foist it on a small child.

LynnTheseAreSexPeople · 14/04/2019 21:18

Another vote for B. and offer a simple alternative (not something complicated or made to order) if they didn't like it.

Weepingwillow5 · 14/04/2019 21:18

In our house the child would get weetabix or peanut butter sandwich

Totaldogsbody · 14/04/2019 21:23

I like risotto but hate sage and not keen on butternut squash. I do think this risotto is maybe a bit too adult for children but if its been made I'd want them to at least try it. I would go with a chicken risotto next time though. Give them something else if they dont like it, only because I think this risotto might be an acquired taste would normally expect everyone to eat the same meal.

TatianaLarina · 14/04/2019 21:26

Only in this country would risotto, sage, pine nuts, squash be out there.

Italian children it without a squeak.

Sounds delicious OP, I’d take it any day over Shepherd’s pie or chicken nuggets.

I’m with A.

ChicCroissant · 14/04/2019 21:31

I'd say the OP is B, her DH is A (or possibly inlaws!) and they are both points scoring a bit!

But I'd be with B, no point in going hungry - we all have dislikes and it's fine IMO to eat something plainer. Especially, if as I suspect, the DC is known for having plain tastes and A was probably aware that they wouldn't like it anyway.

le42 · 14/04/2019 21:36

I grew up with A - I would never in a million years tell my mum I didn't like something as I knew it would hurt her feelings. We had to eat whatever my mum had made... no alternatives. Though it was a lot simpler food than what you made, roast dinners, mince, stew etc

winbinin · 14/04/2019 21:36

When DC were little we would have probably have served salad/veg and garlic bread on the side of a dish like that. If they didn’t like the main dish I would expect them to fill up on the sides. Maybe with a piece of cheese or scoop of humus for protein. Any additional bits offered would have been very dull to ensure they didn’t get picky!