About a different meal to the one that's been slaved over?

[breakthepattern]

Person A thinks that's what's been served for dinner (2 adults, 2 DC under 7) is what we're eating. End of. If you don't like it, you don't eat it, that's your choice. It's delicious and not "out there" or very unusual.

Person B thinks if you've never had it before, try it a little and then say you don't like it, it's ok for you to be made an alternative just for you, so you don't go hungry.

Who is BU?

For further info it's one of the DC refusing the food.

It's squash risotto with sage and pine nuts so quite "adult" depending on your perspective / diet.

And the replacement alternative was a ham and cheese wrap, no cooking involved.

My rule is that if you really don't like it, you can have toast or make yourself a sandwich (mine are 7 and 10 so old enough to do this).

Incidentally all three of mine love squash risotto but don't like the pine nuts. And have done for a really long time. So up yours @Fatted

Seriously though, butternut squash and sage is a pretty standard flavour pairing, I'm surprised so many of you are saying you don't like the sound of it!

That sounds absolutely delicious- can I come round as you have a spare portion ...?

B definitely wins.

I wouldn't expect a small child to like sage, pine-nut and squash risotto. As an adult, I love that kind of meal but it wouldn't have appealed to me when I was younger - I'd rather go to bed hungry!

But I also don't understand the train of thought that kids have to eat/like what you do, else they don't get fed anything. You wouldn't force an adult to eat something they hated.

I eat most things, but I hate risotto.

I'd hate to be told it's either that or nothing, seems pretty cruel.

@Jeezoh that is a clever idea - I am stealing that!

A, we’re a family of 6 so it’s impossible to please everyone all of the time. But as previous posters have said, if it was a new dish (ie not a ‘dislike’ pulled out of thin air!) it would definitely be served with bread and salad so they could fill up on those.

They would be expected to make an effort with the new food to show courtesy to the person who has made it rather than to ‘earn’ pudding.

@DianaPrincessOfThemyscira I'm sure your DC do. But mine don't. And neither do most PP by the look of it.

Also tastebuds diminish as we age (the reason many people add more salt as they get older) so what might taste mild/medium spicy to an adult could taste very spicy/strong to a child.

I’m middle aged and despite trying it countless times I still find any risotto queeze inducing due to the rice in sauce texture.

"Slaved over" seems a little melodramatic given that this is a child who has said they don't like it?! It's fucking risotto, not the Cystine Chapel.

Person B is being more reasonable here.

FWIW, if those are new flavours for a child I probably would have included the pine nuts and sage and maybe a bowl of cheese on the side to be stirred in to give them control over flavour.

Person B because

1. you risk making food the arena for family power struggles and you need food to thrive
2. different things taste different to different people, especially when you gave fresh new tastebuds rather than old dull ones
3. some childhood food rejections have sound evolutionary reasons (e.g. Kids rejecting slimy foods like mushrooms or oysters or maybe butternut squash) more likely to survive than those who did not

Option B. In my house growing up mealtimes were a battleground because my brother was a fussy eater and my parents always tried to force-feed him food he didn’t like. Looking back now I think they really focussed on the wrong things, just blindly following their own parents’ approach to parenting. My brother branched out a lot on his late 20s and is no longer a fussy eater. Those years could have been less stressful for everyone and it would not have made any difference.

Option A creates stress for everyone.
Being forced to eat something that you consider ‘yucky’ or eating nothing has 2 negative outcomes for a child. Not exactly a result that’s likely to endear them to that dish or its constituent parts again. It really is awful feeling like you have to swallow something that in your mind you decided you don’t like.

I’d definitely opt for option B especially if it was the first time the child had experience of this food. I’d ask the child to try it, and if they didn’t like it, I’d make it clear that a simple alternative can be arranged after everyone else finished eating.

I say that as a parent who cooked more lovingly prepared from scratch, absolutely not outlandish tasting meals that were declared ‘yucky’ by the kids while me and my husband would struggle to find anything remotely offensive about their taste.

In young kids, food issues can turn into phobias which are a lot harder to overcome. My eldest was a really bad eater, at one point in time her diet was so restricted and our dinners such a battleground that we’d all start stressing about the meals hours before and the results were consistently bad. Ended up involving our GP for help and the most important piece of advice we were given was to remove stress from mealtimes. Presenting a few options at the table with child being in control of what and how much of it they’d eat. Even if at the start it’d just be the one thing she always ate. Not watching her every mouthful but letting her just get on with it while we chatted at the table. Applauding her exploring of the new foods even if it was to sniff it and put it back. Not penalizing for food choices. It took time but it worked. As she relaxed, she was more willing to try new things. She now eats most things and is willing to at least try most new foods and gets excited about new tastes and textures.

I appreciate that it doesn’t sound like your child has an actual eating problem, but I’d still try to stick to no drama at mealtimes.

Good luck OP, I know how stressful these things can be.

Don’t shame the kid, just make the ham and cheese wrap. Squash risotto isn’t nice.

Are you going to tell us which one you are, OP?

Person A ibu.

Sounds a lovely meal to me.

Adults don't/rarely eat meals that they don't like.

Mealtimes should be enjoyable!

Well risotto is gross so I'd be having a sandwich

If the child had previously eaten that dish: option A.

If it was new to them: option B

DS was a fussy eater, due to a really bad stomach issue around the age of 1 which left him with pretty constant stomach ache and 2 years of toddler diarrhea. He not only only ate really bland food, he also only ate food prepared by trusted food preparers.

If he had eaten a food before, he had to eat it and there wasn't an alternative. No fuss - either eat it or not, but no alternative was forthcoming.

If he hadn't eaten it before, then bread, cream cheese and a piece of fruit was always available as a 'zero preparation' alternative, and one I always carried with me.

Whichever he ate, house rules dictated that he stayed at the table throughout the meal - he didn't have to eat, nobody pleaded with him or persuaded him to eat, but he had to sit up with us and talk or watch. He couldn't not eat because he referred to play.

We did, over time, re-introduce a wide variety of foods, and he is now 6'2" tall and omnivorous - except for lettuce and raw tomato. FiL has still not forgiven him for NOT eating smoked haddock stewed in milk with green beans and boiled potatoes at the age of 2, but tbh FiL has not spoken to him directly since he was born, despite seeing him regularly, so it's not a big deal.

Depends on how fussy the child usually is. If they usually eat well but this time didn't like it I would make an alternative.

If they tried it and don't like it I'd make an alternative.

I’m with the kid. Squash risotto sounds far from delicious. 🤮

I'm firmly in the 'A' camp for things that I know the DC like/ have eaten before. I don't cook alternatives. If they don't eat it, they can go hungry.
With the meal you've described, I'd have anticipated that at least one of my DC might not enjoy it and would have served it with a side of bread and / or have a pudding to follow. Therefore, if they didn't eat it, I wouldn't cook / prepare anything else but they wouldn't go hungry either.

I would offer something boring like plain crackers as an alternative but not make another meal.

Person B. I couldn't live with person A, I like to choose my own meals and allow others to do the same. People have different tastes and wants.

Option b is reasonable.

B is unreasonable and bonkers.
sage and squash taste different to small children.

Argh... B is reasonable
A is unreasonable