To think you shouldn't ask a vegan to buy you meat/animal products?

[Ragnasath]

A younger relative told me yesterday in casual conversation about how her housemate at university often asks her to pick up meat or animal products from the supermarket for her.

There's a few of them living together and all buy their own food but will all take turns buying loo roll, fairy liquid etc that are communal. My relative said that often when it is her turn to go and get these things, a particular housemate will often say 'can you pick me up some ham slices/ Cadbury chocolate' etc whilst you're there. This relative is a passionate vegan and feels very strongly against animal cruelty etc and has been vegan for 5 years as a result. She said that she'll usually say no to the friend because she doesn't want anything to do with the purchase of animal products but will offer her a vegan alternative (i.e I don't feel comfortable buying you cadburys but am happy to get you oreos or bourbons instead etc). Apparently the housemate often gets annoyed at this response and will roll her eyes about how she's being ridiculous because housemate offers to give relative the money to buy the items so it's not coming out of relative's pocket. Relative still says she wants nothing to do with the purchase of animals or animal products.

The relative says she never asks her friend to pick her up any snacks or food because she doesn't want to feel like she has to reciprocate by buying her housemate food which goes against her values.

I think it's pretty awful of the housemate to put her in that position tbh. You wouldn't ask a committed Muslim to pick you up a bottle of wine would you and I don't see much difference in this scenario

She sounds precious

She doesnt have to kill the pig

Are you aware that buying pork though is financially funding the killing of pigs and contributing to the demand for dead pigs?

I'm vegan and I get it. It's not food. It's like saying "oh can you pick me up some slices of dog meat - oh don't worry, I'm paying for it"

I don't see the problem with being vegan and buying meat for someone else.

I'm vegan and would be ok with non-meat items; meat/fish etc would be a flat no from me. A little compromise helps in these situations....

I think it's one step too far. They're not asking her to consume it.

If the flatmate will then go out and purchase the item anyway, then your relatives refusal isn't going to stop an animal product being used.

All she's going to do is alienate herself, lose friends and probably get a name for being difficult.

The demand is the same whoever buys it

The friend might go out and buy it anyway but then at least relative knows she had no hand in it whatsoever, surely?

I agree. Vegetarian here! I used to buy things e.g. if visitors coming, to include meat in their lunch (that I would somehow prepare without touching, as quite honestly it fills me with disgust).

Now I don't- I prepare people things they enjoy, am mindful of this and I think very thoughtful in preparing things. But I will not spend my money on something I disagree with so fundamentally. I feel like I am still morally involved in the killing of the animal.

My personal opinion, and certainly not one I would openly volunteer (unless specifically asked).

So its not a relative, its you?

YANBU, and neither is your vegan friend. All she’s doing is choosing to live by her principles. She isn’t forcing her housemate to be vegan, she just isn’t willing to be personally involved in the animal products industry in any way. Her housemate should be respectful of that and stop asking her to compromise her beliefs.

Look at it this way. Lots of people in this county don’t feel comfortable eating horse meat. If you were on holiday in France with friends and someone asked you to buy them horse meat while you were in the supermarket, you would have a right to say no because it makes you uncomfortable. It’s the same thing. Everyone is allowed to uphold their own boundaries about what they do and don’t feel comfortable with.

I would not buy animal products for someone else either.

Veganism isn't the same thing as a plant-based diet. It's the practical implementation of the philosophy of anti-speciesism.

I wouldn't help someone eat a human that had been murdered for them, and because I'm not speciesist, I wouldn't help them eat a non-human animal either.

I am not vegan (yet). Currently vegetarian but working my way towards veganism and completely agree with my relative

I can understand the issue here, I am also vegan.

As someone who has an ethical objection to animal exploitation, I wouldn't want to buy it for someone else. I have no control of the diet of others, but want nothing to do with buying dead animals.

She should just refuse if she feels strongly. I have vegan friends who would care and those who wouldn’t. One colleague jumps out of their skin if there is a leather bag nearby.

Here's thirty quid. Can you pick up some smack, a packet of Sterling Dual, two cans of Tennants and a copy of Barely Legal whilst you're getting the washing up liquid and teabags, please?

I'm not asking you to pay for it, inject/smoke/drink or wank to it.

I do think it's unreasonable to expect somebody to buy something they have a fundamental objection to, whether it's a legal or illegal substance and whether most people think it's absolutely fine/normal to do so or not.

I’m a vegetarian but DH and DD are not. If I go to the shop, or do an online order wouldn’t refuse to get meat and make DH do a separate shop. A lot of my friends are also vegetarian/vegan with meat eating partners/children and they wouldn’t refuse either. So sorry but I don’t agree with you. That said, this isn’t a husband/wife scenario and it’s perfectly ok for your relative not to do their housemate’s shopping if they don’t want to. Maybe they should just stop telling this housemate when they’re going shopping and just go out and get the communal stuff when it’s her turn without announcing it in advance.

Staunch carnivore here. I think it depends on the reason for the veganism. If it’s simply that you don’t like eating meat, I see no reason not to pick up a meat product at the shops for a mate.

If, on the other hand, you believe that Meat is Murder or that there’s no moral difference between eating a pig and eating a human being, of course you’re not going to picking up lamb cutlets or whatever at the local Sainsbury’s, regardless of whose money pays for it.

Where I think your friend is going wrong is in offering to pick up alternatives like Oreos. There’s something about that that feels a bit superior and proselytising and would get on my tits. But then, housemate should have the wit to stop asking.

She does refuse. The problem is that the housemate then gets annoyed about this

Does the flat mate ask others to pick up non vegan things as well? Just wondering whether she's specifically asking the vegan to try to make some sort of point?

To me, ham in particular is too close to human meat so someone saying "can you go to the shop and buy me some packet human slices" to you would be fine coulddo and magic? Even if you were reimbursed, it's going to turn your stomach isn't it. Grim.

I don’t think it’s up to other people to decide what she should be comfortable with. If she doesn’t want to be involved in purchasing animal products, why should she? Presuming her housemate is capable of doing it herself, and especially if your relative doesn’t make requests in return!

If she’s explained it to her housemate before it actually comes across as pretty dense to keep asking her and continuing to get annoyed at the same answer

Life long vegetarian- absolute no from me.

Disgusted that others can’t see how upsetting this would be.

I'm not vegetarian, vegan or religious in any way, by the way.

I am a meat eater and agree with your relative. I am an ardent anti smoker, I wouldn't pick up cigarettes for someone even if they were paying.