To think you shouldn't ask a vegan to buy you meat/animal products?

[Ragnasath]

A younger relative told me yesterday in casual conversation about how her housemate at university often asks her to pick up meat or animal products from the supermarket for her.

There's a few of them living together and all buy their own food but will all take turns buying loo roll, fairy liquid etc that are communal. My relative said that often when it is her turn to go and get these things, a particular housemate will often say 'can you pick me up some ham slices/ Cadbury chocolate' etc whilst you're there. This relative is a passionate vegan and feels very strongly against animal cruelty etc and has been vegan for 5 years as a result. She said that she'll usually say no to the friend because she doesn't want anything to do with the purchase of animal products but will offer her a vegan alternative (i.e I don't feel comfortable buying you cadburys but am happy to get you oreos or bourbons instead etc). Apparently the housemate often gets annoyed at this response and will roll her eyes about how she's being ridiculous because housemate offers to give relative the money to buy the items so it's not coming out of relative's pocket. Relative still says she wants nothing to do with the purchase of animals or animal products.

The relative says she never asks her friend to pick her up any snacks or food because she doesn't want to feel like she has to reciprocate by buying her housemate food which goes against her values.

I think it's pretty awful of the housemate to put her in that position tbh. You wouldn't ask a committed Muslim to pick you up a bottle of wine would you and I don't see much difference in this scenario

I’m a vegan and I personally think she’s being a bit precious. Obviously she can’t be forced in to doing anything she feels uncomfortable with (and the housemate should just stop asking as it’s obvious that she’s going to say no), but I would find this a bit tedious if I lived with her. It’s not for her, and it’s not her money paying for it. The housemate is not going to suddenly ‘see the light’ just because the relative refuses to buy Cadbury’s chocolate!

It’s almost impossible to be completely cruelty free. Vegetarianism is a step towards it, veganism another step.So For me it’s not black and white, more increments. As an almost vegan ( I’m a veggan, getting the eggs from my happyhens) I’d be ok with that stuff.
But I’m not young and passionate, I’m old and sanguine!

Sounds to me like they’re both winding themselves up.

Your relative should just state clearly that she is unwilling and politely tell her flatmate not to ask again. Repeat every time it’s asked.

“but will offer her a vegan alternative (i.e I don't feel comfortable buying you cadburys but am happy to get you oreos or bourbons instead etc” This would honestly piss me off as it would feel like there’s an implication the vegan sees her choices as morally superior. And I genuinely despise people who try to make others feel inferior for making their own informed choices about what to eat.

YABVU. Your relative is being precious and difficult, and trying to force her views on others with the whole “I’ll buy you an alternative I think is suitable”.

I wouldn’t put up with that; we wouldn’t be friends for long.

Obviously vegans see being vegan as the morally superior choice. That's why they're vegan, no?

Vegetarian here with carnivorous offspring.

I think if your relative is vegan on principle, TANBU to not want to shop for items that would be objectionable to them personally. They might be sounding a bit preachy about it though. Perhaps a change in tone is needed.

The housemate doesn't have to "see the light" though-just realise that Op's relative doesn't want to buy (for anyone) consumables containing animal products.

I can see why the housemate would find it frustrating. Equally, I agree with the reasons why a vegan wouldn't want to by meat or animal products. I think the eye roll might come at the offer of a vegan alternative - it might come across as patronising. Im a veggie and have been for over 20 years. Personally, It woudnt bother me. I did mils shopping when she was laid up and just bought what she asked for, even though I wouldnt buy it myself. I think your relative needs to say to the housemate that she will not buy any meat or animal products on behalf of anyone else, so please do not ask and leave it. Stop offering the vegan alternative because it does come across as patronising.

I used to refuse to buy my DM duty free cigarettes.

Similar situation.

Used to really piss her off.

Just say 'No' - don't enter into debate / offer alternatives. Just say No

I’m a total carnivore and I’d never ask a vegetarian or vegan to get meat for me. That’s totally unreasonable. Your relative INBU at all.

For a similar reason I refuse to buy the Daily Mail for my mum when I’m doing her shopping.

Also it's up to the individual - in vegan circles some would not eat at a restaurant where meat is prepared or served, others would not see that as an issue, some are actively animal activist, some are not but want to be cruelty free.

Are you/your vegan friend hoping to house share next year with the same friends because I can see that probably won't happen. She better seek out vegan housemates next year - she will know who they are because they tell everyone

I agree that the offer of a vegan alternative might be patronising-she just needs to say no to buying what the housemate wants.

Well I'm not vegan, and I get it.

I'm a little suspicious about the housemate TBH - I do wonder if she's game-playing. Y'know, where she 'wins' is she get's her vegan housemate to buy non-vegan stuff. If she'd only done it once, and then never again once your young relative had said no and why, fair enough, she didn't know it would be a problem. To ask even though she knows? Game-playing.

Just read some more posts. Those saying your relative is acting superior or trying to make other feel inferior are talking nonsense. She’s just abiding by her own principles. Good for her.

It seems to me that housemate is being deliberately goady.

You wouldn't ask a committed Muslim to pick you up a bottle of wine would you and I don't see much difference in this scenario

Why ever not if they were happy to do so?

Committed Muslims are perfectly capable of doing people favours. It's not as though they're being asked to drink it.

Besides, plenty of committed Muslims run off licences and general stores that sell alcohol.

The only difference in this scenario is that the vegan isn't happy to buy the products, so her housemate should respect that.

I’m vegan and will get shopping for my elderly neighbour, ditto my mum. I can’t say I enjoy standing in a butchers but I’ll still go.

Never get asked by the family as they’re all vegan too.

@OKBobble

@worra because you're putting them in an awkward position by asking. You're potentially asking them to choose between their moral/religious values and being 'polite' or non-confrontational. Its another story if they offer though.

I'm not vegan. I'm trying to eat less meat but honestly meat eaters make a bigger deal out of vegans being so than your average vegan does. I don't know how many times I've heard that idiotic joke about vegans telling everyone that they're vegan, but IRL the vegans that I know are perfectly reasonable people, and it's meat eaters making constant jokes about bacon.

That said it's fine for a vegan not to want to handle/purchase meat or other animal products. Some will be comfortable with doing so, others will not. I think it's perfectly understandable that some do not want to do so. It is in no way equivalent to a meat eater buying vegan sausages, unless they somehow have an ethical objection to faux meat.

Some of these 'its ok as she never asked her to pay for it' responses are ridiculous. Of course you shouldn't ask anyone to do something which breaks their ethics.

I wouldn't buy misogynistic violent porn for someone if they paid for it, or buy a racist t-shirt if they were paying for it, or make a donation to the BNP if I got paid back for it. I don't want to be a purchasing agent for something I oppose.

Yanbu

Sounds like her roommate is doing it on purpose. If said roommate is constantly asking despite being told no and knowing her beliefs, they shouldn’t be getting annoyed by it or still asking.

I’m against smoking and wouldn’t buy cigarettes if someone asked me to. If someone constantly asked me knowing I was strongly against it I would be wondering what their deal was especially if there are other housemates that would happily get it for them.

It just depends how you feel really. I'm TT but have no issue in picking up a bottle of Prosecco.

If you feel strongly, however, then it's fine to say no.

Does your relative eat anything containing palm oil? Because that contributes to the deaths of innocent animals.
Does your relative eat almonds or products containing almonds? Because almonds contribute to the deaths of innocent animals.

She doesn't need to buy anything she doesn't want to buy, but if the reason is that she doesn't want to contribute to the deaths of animals then I hope she researches all of the vegan alternatives.

YOU sound precious, if you don't want to do your housemate's shopping just say no. I'd roll my eyes at you too if you suggested I bought some vegan rubbish instead, you shouldn't be trying to push your views onto other people, a simple no is all is needed here.