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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think you shouldn't ask a vegan to buy you meat/animal products?

292 replies

Ragnasath · 14/04/2019 14:56

A younger relative told me yesterday in casual conversation about how her housemate at university often asks her to pick up meat or animal products from the supermarket for her.

There's a few of them living together and all buy their own food but will all take turns buying loo roll, fairy liquid etc that are communal. My relative said that often when it is her turn to go and get these things, a particular housemate will often say 'can you pick me up some ham slices/ Cadbury chocolate' etc whilst you're there. This relative is a passionate vegan and feels very strongly against animal cruelty etc and has been vegan for 5 years as a result. She said that she'll usually say no to the friend because she doesn't want anything to do with the purchase of animal products but will offer her a vegan alternative (i.e I don't feel comfortable buying you cadburys but am happy to get you oreos or bourbons instead etc). Apparently the housemate often gets annoyed at this response and will roll her eyes about how she's being ridiculous because housemate offers to give relative the money to buy the items so it's not coming out of relative's pocket. Relative still says she wants nothing to do with the purchase of animals or animal products.

The relative says she never asks her friend to pick her up any snacks or food because she doesn't want to feel like she has to reciprocate by buying her housemate food which goes against her values.

I think it's pretty awful of the housemate to put her in that position tbh. You wouldn't ask a committed Muslim to pick you up a bottle of wine would you and I don't see much difference in this scenario

OP posts:
Fishywife · 16/04/2019 14:16

My view: Flatmate is not being unreasonable to ask. Relative is not being unreasonable to refuse. Flatmate is therefore being unreasonable continuing to ask and acting stroppy when the answer is no.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/04/2019 14:21

It is bizarre how rude meat eaters are while they are telling vegetarians and vegans how judgemental and rude they are.........!

Indeed

Poloshot · 16/04/2019 14:23

Why not? I'd buy them tofu or quorn

AryaStarkWolf · 16/04/2019 14:28

Why not? I'd buy them tofu or quorn

Does the difference really have to be explained to you? Presumably you don't have a moral objection to tofu?

BertrandRussell · 16/04/2019 14:31

“Why not? I'd buy them tofu or quorn“

AssassinatedBeauty · 16/04/2019 14:31

@PoloShot have you read the thread at all?

widgetbeana · 16/04/2019 14:47

Ok how about this scenario. (It was my reality a while ago)

My SIL and keeps the house vegan, fine her choice, my dh and I go out to eat or just make do when we visit. (Not very often to be honest as other family also lives nearby and they have more space for us.)

A few months ago it was her birthday and we were all invited to stay over and be a part of the celebrations, which was lovely. However my 2 small dd's need milk to go to sleep and are used to having it in the morning. I didn't object about the morning, but it really is necessary for nighttime wind down for my littlest (she was 18 months at the time).

I asked SIL if I could bring a small 1 pint of cows milk and have it double bagged in her fridge. It was a flat no. She kept saying they could have soy milk. I tried to explain it wouldn't work as it would be hard enough to settle the girls in an unfamiliar place. She still said no.

So we went, and at bedtime my youngest dd started crying. She wanted her milk wouldn't take soy or almond milk and then got really overtired and was crying and unsettled. My SIL then got really irate saying we needed to make her 'shut up' or her neighbours would kick off. My DH asked if we could pop up to the corner shop (50 yds away) and get some milk to settle her. Still a no.
She eventually gave up and went to sleep, but woke at 2 crying again. My SIL started shouting at us again. At which point we packed up and left for home.

I have hated how it all ended, but I have always been a big believer in 'my house, my rules' so I don't know if she was unreasonable or not!

Snausage · 16/04/2019 15:00

I don't understand why the debate has gone in to veganism and what products are/are not vegan friendly. Why on earth does your relative not just say "no" if she doesn't want to buy certain products?

To "offer a vegan alternative" to someone who is asking for something specific seems ridiculous.

BertrandRussell · 16/04/2019 15:01

“I have hated how it all ended, but I have always been a big believer in 'my house, my rules' so I don't know if she was unreasonable or not!”

Are you sure this wasn’t a dream? Because if it wasn’t, your SIL is a complete fruitcake. As I’m sure you know.

Myheartbelongsto · 16/04/2019 15:24

widget - your sil is batshit

widgetbeana · 16/04/2019 16:05

Thanks! I so glad to know I'm not alone!

I am generally seen as 'high maintenance' by my in laws. Because I work term time and can't take days off and because I have a routine for my children.
But I have tried to be open minded and tried to put myself in her shoes. I just couldn't believe she wouldn't relent for children!

AryaStarkWolf · 16/04/2019 16:08

Yes widgetbeana I think your SIL sounds ridiculous

Pumperthepumper · 16/04/2019 17:21

The thing that always gets to me about the vegan threads is how desperate posters are to find hypocrisy. It’s so all or nothing, all these posters going ‘well, does she eat PALM OIL? DOES SHE DRIVE?!’ - as if it’s not enough to try and do a little bit of good, or having a moral objection to meat means you absolutely can’t put a foot wrong ethically ever. Much better to do just whatever the fuck you like and close your mind to any suffering whatsoever rather than make one change. I’m not even vegan and I find it so irritating.

ChipSandwich · 17/04/2019 10:07

Pumperthepumper

I wish I could have said it as well as that.

AryaStarkWolf · 17/04/2019 10:50

Me too ChipSandwich No one ever says "Oh you recycle? but do you drive a car, hhmmmmm????"

BertrandRussell · 17/04/2019 10:54

Vegans, vegetarians, feminists and socialists are all expected to be perfect.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 17/04/2019 16:37

I’m 2.5 of the above and absolutely prefect 😇

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