AIBU to take exception to being offered 'a night off' at a wedding?

[SomethingStupidSomethingGreat]

DH and I have been awaiting a formal invite (after the 'save the date' had been sent) for a wedding in 3 months time. We were expecting it to be a child free wedding, which is fine... and to be honest, who 'really' wants to take young children to a wedding?
However, the invite arrived and states
'We love your kids but thought you would like a night off, so adults only please'
... we won't be going as dc2 is bf and an avid bottle refuser so I can't leave her. I don't mind, they are not close family and I have massive wedding fatigue after so many last year... but something has really irked me about the phrasing of the invite. I almost (I won't because I'm only a dick in my head and in anonymous forums) feel like saying...
'Thank you for thinking for us, yes we'd love a night off but unfortunately our dc will starve if she doesn't have almost constant access to my breasts.' (The wedding is 5 hours away).
Full disclosure, I do realise that none of this is the couples fault.
I'm not sure what phrasing would have been better and not irked me? I guess it just grated a bit that actually some people don't have the choice of a night off from their kids no matter how much you love them 😬

We went to our best mans wedding when ds1 was 18 months... i was 11 weeks pregnant with ds2 and feeling shite plus hadn't announced as was a shock and hadn't had 12 week scan. Dh was an usher so i had to run around after the crazy toddler.

Was hell... and watching our child-free group of friends get pissed just made us vow that from now we'd just leave our kids with grandparents/trusted friends for weddings!

YANBU - Clunky, insincere phrasing.

@HappyLife21 Eventually she might after lots of crying and upset and stress for her and whoever is looking after her you're correct. I probably won't put her through that to attend a wedding I'm not keen to attend anyway. Seems kind of cruel.

@happylife neither of mine ever took a bottle until they were weaning after6 months.. and i tried loads! And technically speaking, why would they? They had only ever been breastfed. Imagine trying to suddenly breastfeed a 6 month old that was only used to a bottle.

@op dont feel like you have to justify not giving your child a bottle

@Mammyloveswine I had this too over the summer when pregnant with number 2, chasing after a toddler whilst feeling sick whilst everyone else was having a ball was not fun. I wouldn't take my dc through choice. Talk about stressful trying to feed the toddler snacks through a service to keep them quiet!

Geekone is the OP meant to purchase a pump and sit in church expressing? It’s not just about whether the baby will eat, breastfeeding mothers can’t go all day without feeding either.

Blackcat I’ve seen that wording (“to save you the trouble of buying us a gift, we just want cash”). It was indeed the same couple as the “we want you to have fun, so find a babysitter for your newborn!”

@Mammyloveswine thank you! I tried every trick in the book to get dc1 to take a bottle, she wouldn't and it was so stressful - when dc2 wouldn't either I haven't pushed it. It's really for such a short time in the grand scheme of things isn't it?!

I think a couple of things...

Firstly, I think (and have regularly said in my RL) that having children is like walking through a door (think Narnia). BEFORE you go through the door you see the world in one way. AFTER you go through the door (having had a child) you see and experience the world differently. A lot of brides/grooms haven't been through the door yet. They're trying to be sensitive and juggling a lot organising their wedding. They're probably trying to get everything right. They'll get some things wrong. They might have enough insight to realise this after they have children. They may not.

I realised a couple of years ago, when I had a year of going to a few weddings for younger cousins, a LOT of people who were important to the marrying couple were either pregnant or had a new born. And I realised it's an age-and-stage thing.... If you're at an age where you're getting married, your complementaries are going to be experiencing similar, and some of them will be ahead of you and some behind. So, this is an issue I suspect for a LOT of marrying couples. (so maybe that's why the statement that so many PPs have said they've seen before on wedding invites)
I've seen a lot of posts on here about a bridesmaid being pregnant or just having given birth and how her dress is going to fit properly. It's the same issue more-or-less. (threads angsting about both sides... from the bride/from the bridesmaid)

@MitziTheTabbyIsMyOverlord I like your narnia theory, 100% true

@somethingspecial breastfeeding is bloody hard work so when ot works out should be celebrated. It is the biological norm and people forget that. Not that long ago mothers would've had a baby attached to them for at least 3/4 months (i say this as i know weaning was earlier!).

What a load of drama over nothing

B&G - you are invited to our wedding, no kids
You - no thank you

@SilverySurfer Not any drama to be had I'm afraid to say. It's just a look at the phraseology, sorry to disappoint.

@Mammyloveswine I agree. Very pleased I've been able to with both mine 😊

NaturalBornWoman, you obviously missed the bit where a polite decline was sent and the groom got pissed off, prompting the above response. It's late, don't worry about it

@somethingstupid i think just dont take offence at the clumsy invite... i bloody fantasize about a weekend without mine 🤣🤣🤣

If they're that bothered they can pop round and babysit while you have an hour off. Assuming they really care about you getting some time off.

It’s massively patronising. Look, if you want a child free wedding, own it, just say so. Quit it with the wanky disingenuous faux altruism. You really couldn’t give a shit if parents get a night off, you just dont want kids at your wedding. If parents decide they need or want a night off then that’s up to them, it’s not something you can ’gift’ them.

Sashkin

Blackcat I’ve seen that wording (“to save you the trouble of buying us a gift, we just want cash”). It was indeed the same couple as the “we want you to have fun, so find a babysitter for your newborn!”

I can totally believe it! Some people seem to lose their minds when planning a wedding.

There was an OP once whose schedule for their wedding day was awful, I think there was about 7 hours between the wedding and reception. In the end she decided to include a map of local fast food places with the wedding invitation. I was just trying to imagine the faces of the guests to get a wedding invitation with a map of McDonald's in it. 😂

YANBU. The phrasing is cringeworthy and patronising.

The couple would ALMOST deserve to have someone respond brightly, "Thanks for your concern but no, we don't need a night off so we will be bringing our 2yo triplets to the wedding."

"You presumably want to be away from your awful children"

Also, since when is a wedding a night off? Hey I'm really stressed out and want to wind down, quick let's put on our least comfortable clothes and go to somebody else's wedding.

I agree OP. We had a similar situation when my db married. They wanted my children for bridesmaids but then not to the reception, which meant we not only had to find a babysitter, but we had to find one who was willing to put two (by then very over excited and over tired) children they didn’t know to bed in an area where the only people we knew were also invited to the wedding! When we pointed out the flaws in this plan, everything was thrown back at us as though they were only thinking of us wanting a “night off” and “being able to enjoy ourselves”. This pissed me off right royally as it was so far from a relaxing set up it was untrue!

Db and wife are now expecting their first baby... I’m interested to see how that pans out!

Overly sensitive response tbh - pump if you really want to go. People want child free weddings for various reasons and they just sent an invite they thought was friendly not they might starve your child (it wouldn't).

We had a similar invite ie children not invited to the wedding. My oh explained that it would be difficult for me to attend as bf our 3 month old. They said babes in arms ok.