AIBU to take exception to being offered 'a night off' at a wedding?

[SomethingStupidSomethingGreat]

DH and I have been awaiting a formal invite (after the 'save the date' had been sent) for a wedding in 3 months time. We were expecting it to be a child free wedding, which is fine... and to be honest, who 'really' wants to take young children to a wedding?
However, the invite arrived and states
'We love your kids but thought you would like a night off, so adults only please'
... we won't be going as dc2 is bf and an avid bottle refuser so I can't leave her. I don't mind, they are not close family and I have massive wedding fatigue after so many last year... but something has really irked me about the phrasing of the invite. I almost (I won't because I'm only a dick in my head and in anonymous forums) feel like saying...
'Thank you for thinking for us, yes we'd love a night off but unfortunately our dc will starve if she doesn't have almost constant access to my breasts.' (The wedding is 5 hours away).
Full disclosure, I do realise that none of this is the couples fault.
I'm not sure what phrasing would have been better and not irked me? I guess it just grated a bit that actually some people don't have the choice of a night off from their kids no matter how much you love them 😬

I agree with PP that it's not the concept of a child free wedding that is unreasonable, but the way the couple have tried to imply that this is for the benefit of parents. Some parents may prefer to attend weddings without their kids, some parents through necessity or preference want to take their children with them. The couple have effectively prohibited children from attending and therefore removed the element of of choice from parents. To dress this up as generosity and thoughtfulness is disingenuous at best and manipulative at worst.

They probably laboured a bit over the wording and this was the best the came up with, I'm sure they think it's cute.

Who cares. Either go or don't.

How old is your baby? Usually babes in arms aren't included in the no children rule.

It's such a short time in grand scheme of things, I've missed a couple of things due to not being able to leave the baby but soon it passes. A couple of friends used to say 'cant you give him a bottle?'....nope, don't want to really!

As PP have said it's naff wording, own your decision. Spend the day planning honest replies before you send a nice refusal back. 'We would love a night off, thanks. But we really don't want to spend it at the opposite end of the country watching you getting married. Since you love our kids maybe you could come and look after them for a weekend allowing us to have a night off exactly how we want'.

We were invited to a family wedding 6h away that was child free. We didn't go but we sent a card. No present, you don't get a present for sending me an invite to an event I clearly can't attend.

I'm getting old and grumpy, can't be doing with being told how to spend my money these days.

@CountFosco that reply is brilliant

I hate the phrasing.

If bride and groom choose not to have children that's fine but they shown own their decision and not come up with faux excuses.

Just say it's child free. Nothing more needed.

Or if you really need to explain - say the truth. It's because (a) financial reasons for yourself or (b) you don't trust children not to be noisy.

Don't pretend your doing it for the parents benefit. You're not!

And, most importantly, simply accept that it may mean some guests can't or won't come, Your choice, their choice. Accept it and no giving anyone grief or making them feel guilty for it.

It wouldn't bother me at all

Oh we had one of these and it was so irritating. Own your decision like a grown up - if you don’t want children there just say adults only, don’t make out you are doing us a favour.

I’ve just had an adults only invite and am delighted (baby sitter booked yay) but the invite didn’t pretend it was because it was for our benefit.

But then I also hate the whole poem thing about 'we want your presence and not your presents ... but actually, please give us money for xyz.'

Again, either don't mention presents and wait for people to ask you, or brief parents in case people ask them.

Or just say we'd like money/vouchers for xyz.

Don't use some tacky internet poem!

They're trying to be polite, would you rather - no kids please they ruin weddings and I'm not having that for my wedding thank you

Bottle registers - HV back when my DD was little (10 years ago) would suggest mum goes away overnight and leaves the baby with the dad as it often resolves bottle refuses ... neither of mine were refusers which I was pleased with, but friends talked about it a lot

I'm pretty sure babes in arms are not included in the no kids bit.

We used a phrase like 'please note this is an adult only event and a chance to really let your hair down and enjoy the celebrations'
Everyone commented on how nicely we put it so can't be that bad. I think OP is being a little sensitive.
It's hard to word the invite and that's a polite was of saying kids are not welcome 🤣🤣

This would 100% piss me off, they are not offering a night off or they would be the ones organising a baby sitter, they are simply telling you your children are not welcome.

Why do they need to say child-free wedding on the invitation?

If the kids aren't named on the invite, then they're not invited. Do people actually bring uninvited guests to weddings?

Waffly DS has been excluded from both weddings we’ve been invited to since he was born. One he was 3mo, one he was 5mo.

First one was a couple of hours away so I couldn’t go. Second one was down the road from my DM’s, so I just went to the ceremony and left before the reception. Both times B&G got arsey about it.

I'm in the minority here but I do think that not inviting kids to weddings is a bit miserable. It's not compulsory for parents to bring them if they don't want to. And if you "can't afford" to invite them then maybe rethink your wedding plans. Colleague of mine had an amazing wedding reception in a local church hall for very little cost compared to rip off hotel venues. Or don't bother inviting distant relatives just for the sake of it.

@Praiseyou yes people are that stupid!

You sound ott tbh !!

They will have got the wording from a wedding magazine or forum where they are advised that this is the cute way of wording we can't afford/don't want your obnoxious kids at our wedding.

I remember cringing at many of the wording suggestions for invites when I was planning my own wedding but then I was an older bride with lots of experience of being a guest under my belt. I did welcome children to mine though and didn't have any issues.

I've only had 1 child free wedding invite since having my dc and that was worded the same way. It was a weekend off die to having to drop dc off with family not at the wedding, travel in the opposite direction for 2 hours to get to the wedding, overnight stay, 3 hour journey to collect dc and get home, prepping for work/nursery and trying to spend time with dc. Not relaxing and missed dc dreadfully. Turned down similar invitations while dc were still very young after that.

I think you just need to own your decision. If all invitations just had a standardised form attached it would save all the grief, avoid toe curling poems and everyone would know where they stood:

Children: Adults only/immediate family only/bf babies only/all welcome
Ceremony: no children/children allowed
Gifts: none required/list at.../x vouchers/donations to...
Confetti: yes/no/biodegradable only
Etc

Praiseyou it really wouldn’t occur to me to put a newborn on a wedding invitation. What about babies due after the invitations have gone out? (Like the wedding we were invited to when DS was 3mo - we’d been invited before I had him).

And I don't even know half of my friends’ kids’ names, to be honest. Doesn’t necessarily mean they wouldn’t be invited. Wise to be completely clear about these things IME, saves awkward conversations later.

HappyLife21 Your child won’t starve. Eventually it would get hungry enough that it would take a bottle.

You’d be an arsehole to set a babysitter up for hours of a distressed baby screaming.

I agree with you OP that the wording is irritating. We were invited to a wedding with 15m old DD. Couldn’t get a babysitter we knew for 7:30-11pm so left her at home with grandma for most of the weekend. Pleased that B&G gave us the choice.

We did not invite children to our wedding because we didn’t want them there. We were willing to accommodate any that were difficult to leave behind (babes in arms etc). One guest was planning on bringing her 6 and 8 year olds until another guest intervened to explain she couldn’t do this. So I understand why just putting the names you want is not enough.

YABU OP! They have many other factors to consider in their planning other than your situation - think it's just a polite way to get the message across. Don't get worked up about it.

Awful wording. I can understand why anyone would want a child-free wedding, but it could have been phrased differently.

I find it so patronising when the bride and groom send invitations stating about nights off. It's like they are the Lord and Master bestowing an evening off on the lower staff who couldn't have one otherwise.

I think it’s fine. It’s pretty unusual for even child-free weddings not to allow small babies (no matter how they are fed). Have you actually checked?