AIBU to take exception to being offered 'a night off' at a wedding?

[SomethingStupidSomethingGreat]

DH and I have been awaiting a formal invite (after the 'save the date' had been sent) for a wedding in 3 months time. We were expecting it to be a child free wedding, which is fine... and to be honest, who 'really' wants to take young children to a wedding?
However, the invite arrived and states
'We love your kids but thought you would like a night off, so adults only please'
... we won't be going as dc2 is bf and an avid bottle refuser so I can't leave her. I don't mind, they are not close family and I have massive wedding fatigue after so many last year... but something has really irked me about the phrasing of the invite. I almost (I won't because I'm only a dick in my head and in anonymous forums) feel like saying...
'Thank you for thinking for us, yes we'd love a night off but unfortunately our dc will starve if she doesn't have almost constant access to my breasts.' (The wedding is 5 hours away).
Full disclosure, I do realise that none of this is the couples fault.
I'm not sure what phrasing would have been better and not irked me? I guess it just grated a bit that actually some people don't have the choice of a night off from their kids no matter how much you love them 😬

It is poor wording I agree OP, it's an attempt to shift the blame/reason on to you - they'd love your children to come if only you didn't want the night off from them

As PP have said, they should own their decision and not claim to know your thoughts and get it wrong

@Mammyloveswine exactly, I couldn't think of anything less relaxing than wrangling a toddler and a baby at a formal wedding. It's hard work.

Some people do feel like that though. I know my ex SIL did and enjoyed a day away from their children.
Their day and their way.

@SandyY2K maybe I'm more up front and that would have sat better.

Probably also includes a tacky request for cash as a gift, too.

Want a childfree wedding, go for it, but don't couch it as some sort of favour to guests.

@Mammyloveswine yes he could go but will only know his own parents and the bride there really so doesn't want to go without me. They won't mind an iota I'm sure. We'll send a card and gift.

Meh, phrasing is fine. In all honesty your DC won’t starve though a part of you wants to be indispensable you’re not, if you were knocked over by a bus tomorrow your DC would eat. Just like if you stopped breastfeeding tomorrow your DC would eat. You don’t want to so don’t go to the wedding. But that’s you’re decision not your DC no matter what you tell yourself.

@caoraich good on your OH.

The next paragraph was something along the lines of 'you being their will be our gift but if you want to contribute to our honeymoon that'd be wonderful' ---> double eye roll!

Wording is stupid. If anyone wants (and can have) a night off parenting, they do it.

What the couple really mean is, we don't want kids at our wedding. Which is fine.

@NaturatintGoldenChestnut yes it did, that was the next paragraph! Seems all this is common wedding language!

@geekone your input is golden thanks.

It’s slightly clumsy wording but I do get where they’re coming from. I’m getting married and every one of my friends with kids has practically begged me to have a child free wedding!

That said, I can’t imagine having blanket phrasing on my invites to cover all the kids like this. I would rather speak to everyone individually and make sure they’re all happy, and a breastfeeding baby is definitely the exception to the rule. We just don’t particularly want the ones who can run around and hurt themselves!

Seriously , you took 'exception' over that.
I really couldn't be bothered to get worked up over it.
I'd just take it at face value rather than look at things to be irked by?

@notacooldad I took 'exception' for want of a better word. Maybe my terminology also isn't the best. Sorry if that irked you

I'd just send them a card.

YANBU. If I decide I want a night away from my child I'll go out when and where I please, probably off to some fun bar DH and I frequented at uni.

I don't really like weddings though, and I hate the way some people act like they have bestowed a great honour on you by inviting you when really they just had to make up the numbers and wanted a present.

Sorry if that irked you
But I'm not irked!!
I would have just done a quick eye roll at it and never have given it another thought except to decide if I was going or not.

It is naff phraseology and probably untrue.

Not the phrasing id use but don’t think they were badly intentioned. I wouldn’t over analyse it

@lisasimpsonssaxophone likewise we have some friends getting married next year and they asked us 'do people want to bring children to weddings generally' we said, no not really - it's quite stressful and most people totally get that the children will count in the 'per head' numbers. It's absolutely fine and not something to be worried about.
I personally would have preferred a more direct 'it's adults only.' I wouldn't expect the couple to talk to me individually about it. Just bear in mind that some people may decline if they're bf (Although legend has it some bf babies will actually take expressed milk!) or have childcare issues... I'm not sure many people would chose to take their children to a long formal (then kindly boozy) day x

YABU, and far too easily "irked"

@notacooldad 😉

@BackforGood it's definitely the word of the day though 😂

Ever excellent DH replied something along the lines of "well in order for your guests to relax and have a good time there are no children, but it will be a lot less relaxing for us to have to leave our breastfed baby at home and worry about her all weekend, while C spends half the time pumping so she doesn't get mastitis, than if we could just bring the baby."

See this isn't a rational and neutral response to someone wanting a no kids wedding. It's pissy and mean. It flies in the face of your claim that you believe it's their choice, and very clearly you think they should adapt their wants to accommodate your precious breastfed one.

Your child won’t starve. Eventually it would get hungry enough that it would take a bottle.