AIBU to take exception to being offered 'a night off' at a wedding?

[SomethingStupidSomethingGreat]

DH and I have been awaiting a formal invite (after the 'save the date' had been sent) for a wedding in 3 months time. We were expecting it to be a child free wedding, which is fine... and to be honest, who 'really' wants to take young children to a wedding?
However, the invite arrived and states
'We love your kids but thought you would like a night off, so adults only please'
... we won't be going as dc2 is bf and an avid bottle refuser so I can't leave her. I don't mind, they are not close family and I have massive wedding fatigue after so many last year... but something has really irked me about the phrasing of the invite. I almost (I won't because I'm only a dick in my head and in anonymous forums) feel like saying...
'Thank you for thinking for us, yes we'd love a night off but unfortunately our dc will starve if she doesn't have almost constant access to my breasts.' (The wedding is 5 hours away).
Full disclosure, I do realise that none of this is the couples fault.
I'm not sure what phrasing would have been better and not irked me? I guess it just grated a bit that actually some people don't have the choice of a night off from their kids no matter how much you love them 😬

Not sure I would want to see a baby suckling at the wedding table even though I’m all for bf

You clearly aren’t.

Where are you happy for other people’s babies to be fed, if ‘at a table where other people are also eating’ isn’t ok?

I bet they are glad they invited you!

Not sure I would want to see a baby suckling at the wedding table even though I’m all for bf

I don’t think you know what being ‘all for breastfeeding’ is, then.

Not sure I would want to see a baby suckling at the wedding table even though I’m all for bf

What a bizarre statement. Why is it so wedding-inappropriate? Or is it table inappropriate? God forbid the sanctity of marriage/the fun of a massive piss up be compromised by swoons in shock a baby being fed.

I’d prefer if babies fed constantly through weddings because they’re generally pretty quiet at that stage.

@Lillibee4, just wanted to add to the list of posters who think you’re a right idiot who hasn’t got the first clue about what supporting breastfeeding means

I'm with OP, just say no kids, don't try and sell it as a treat for the parents, as in my experience (no grandparents for support) trying to find childcare for weddings is a nightmare.

On the subject of no kids at weddings though I do think exceptions should be considered for babes in arms / breastfeeding mothers. I had to miss out on a close friends wedding because they stuck hard and fast to no kids and I was due to give birth 4 weeks before their wedding. As it was, ds came 10 days late, so there was no way I was leaving a three week old baby with whoever I could conjure up. What irked me most about it was the bride saying in a message to me "We're sorry you feel you can't leave the baby for one night to celebrate with us"
Suffice to say the friendship suffered a bit after that!

Dear god get out mote, they're trying to be polite. You're being a total wally.

@IDrinkAndISewThings, wow, your friend sounds awful..! I bet she did a complete 180 when it was her having kids (or will...)

@winniestone37 as stated several times I understand their intention.

Wally is a fantastic piece of abuse though 😂 haven't heard that in years let alone been called one

I breastfed my own children but a little respect for people.

@Lillibee4 I won't be rude to anyone but blimey... maybe read a book or something?

Also, a strange comment on a post talking about phrases in a wedding invite.

@imamearcat yes I'm sure they'll enjoy a gift without having to host us

Do they have children themselves? This is not something I would have considered before I had my child. I didn’t even know bottle refusing was a thing. You are being very unreasonable. They were probably trying to find a nice way of wording it instead of “I don’t want your noisy baby/bratty child at my wedding”.

@Crunchetta yep no problem at all with child free weddings 😊

@Raggerty54 no of course they don't.

Similarly I didn't know anything about bottle refusers before I had 2 of my own.

I'm not sure anything I've done or said on an anonymous forum questioning the phraseology in the invite is unreasonable though.

And yes, as stated previously I don't doubt their intentions.

@Lillibee4 maybe have a little respect for yourself?

Op I believe the intention is more important than the wording it’s self. I can fully understand why people wouldn’t want children at their wedding and at least they tried to exclude the children in a ‘nice’ way- even if it was a bit ignorant.

Your response is a bit UR as you’re angry that they weren’t understanding of your breastfeeding commitments that would prevent you from coming. How were they supposed to know? If someone suggested I had a ‘night off’ I’d be thankfull and wouldn’t feel guilty about letting my hair down without the child for once- that is how it’s supposed to be interpreted but obviously things are more complicated when bf.

If they actually want guests with kids to have a good time time, they'll leave it up to them so decide whether or not to bring the kids.

If they want to keep costs down/have an adults-only atmosphere that's up to them, but it's ridiculous to suggest that this is some sort of favour to guests with children. Possibly a favour to many of the guests without children 😄

@Raggerty54 you misunderstand the thread I'm afraid, I'm not angry in the slightest. Even in the OP I have stated that I understand that none of the above (bf, wedding fatigue etc) is the couples fault. So in that respect have lay no responsibility on the couple and would not expect them to even consider my feeding choices/ and difficulties.

I've also stated I have no problem with child free weddings.

You stated that the wording was a bit ignorant... which was my entire point really... so all I can say is you are calling me unreasonable for having the same view as yourself?

I breastfed my own children but a little respect for people.

Can you explain who exactly is disrespected by mothers nursing at a wedding? And how? I think it’s something a lot of us are struggling to understand.

How have you managed to make this about breastfeeding? Nobody cares

If someone suggested I had a ‘night off’ I’d be thankfull

But what would you be thanking them for? They're not providing a babysitter or making childcare arrangements for you, you'd still be doing all that. That's what so many people have objected to - it's not that this couple they want a childfree wedding, who cares, but they're trying to dress up what they want as a favour to the guests when it's very obviously not.

What a ridiculous post. Child is two ergo will not starve for a couple of days without boob milk. You can quote easily go away for 36 hours and re-establish bf on return, I did it when my ds was that age.

You either want to go to the wedding, and so will make it happen, or you don’t. Tbh sounds like there’s some kind of underlying tension or resentment that is making you feel so unreasonably angry about the wording. Perhaps have a think about what this could be before committing one way or another.

I'd missed that the child was two. Where does it say that? I was assuming a lot younger based on the bottle refusing comment.

And anyway, if you think it's "quite easy" to find someone to look after two young children for 36 hours, you're bloody lucky.

You’ve summed it up perfectly, @53rdWay.