AIBU to take exception to being offered 'a night off' at a wedding?

[SomethingStupidSomethingGreat]

DH and I have been awaiting a formal invite (after the 'save the date' had been sent) for a wedding in 3 months time. We were expecting it to be a child free wedding, which is fine... and to be honest, who 'really' wants to take young children to a wedding?
However, the invite arrived and states
'We love your kids but thought you would like a night off, so adults only please'
... we won't be going as dc2 is bf and an avid bottle refuser so I can't leave her. I don't mind, they are not close family and I have massive wedding fatigue after so many last year... but something has really irked me about the phrasing of the invite. I almost (I won't because I'm only a dick in my head and in anonymous forums) feel like saying...
'Thank you for thinking for us, yes we'd love a night off but unfortunately our dc will starve if she doesn't have almost constant access to my breasts.' (The wedding is 5 hours away).
Full disclosure, I do realise that none of this is the couples fault.
I'm not sure what phrasing would have been better and not irked me? I guess it just grated a bit that actually some people don't have the choice of a night off from their kids no matter how much you love them 😬

We attended a wedding that was child free when I was exclusively breast feeding... just made sure I had a baby sitter in the hotel room who could call me to come feed her as needed. no big deal... she survived, we survived... it is only a big deal if you want it to be.

@AryaStarkWolf Thankyou! I might just do it this way then.

“Thanks for the offer, but I really don’t want a night off so we and DC would love to come 😂”

@NoSauce not cross in the slightest, that's how I saw it too.

@Lumene very little energy being expelled here, not to worry.

I neay posted the exact same thread a week back. I'm all for it being the couples choice, of course it is but stop pretending it is for the guests benefit. If I wanted a night off, I'd arrange it, if I would enjoy it more without them I'd leave them with a babysitter, I don't need the couples permission. This pissed me off way too much and I've no idea why as I've been to loads of weddings without the kids lol

@BitOfFun couldn't agree more

@Frazzledmum123 maybe we'll not see each other at the same wedding 😂

Patronising, fake, insincere! If just said “we don’t want kids” that’d be the truth rather than assume you’d rather be without them & that coming to a eddying without children is easier than bringing them! As if it were that easy - esp for the single parents, or those who’s normal babysitters are gonna be at the wedding so would incur a cost & all the faff of getting a trustworthy babysitter for one night. Would be unfair on the first couples in a group of friends who have babies. Then ppl will clock on that significant numbers of friends can’t come without their newborns/young babies & that’s when it changes & there are babysitting tents etc! It is consideration & also selfishness when brides & grooms realise it’ll affect their closest friends & family

I think be grateful for any invitation. Not everyone can afford or wants a wedding full of kids. I think it's fair enough, unfortunately that's the way it goes when you're breastfeeding, it's only for a few months.

It's just another one of those 'it's all about me' brigade weddings which the world now accepts as normal.
'My day, my rules'
It's no longer about the sanctity of marriage itself they all have to have these high-end wedding fiascos like they're hollywood stars ffs.
No doubt if they have any kids they'll be off to boarding school

Haha I had one of these a couple of weeks ago. It's not in a town beginning with S by any chance is it OP?

Anyway DH and I got an invite to the evening only. It's 200 miles away and a family member so my Mum will also be there and is unable to babysit.

All fine and dandy, we can't go, no problem. But the line "we thought you'd like the night off" pissed me off no end. It's patronising and unnecessary, especially as they're not offering a babysitter to facilitate this night off!

@SomethingStupidSomethingGreat and @TheClaifeCrier I'm totally wondering if I know either of you now 😂

It always amuses me. Nothing against childfree weddings, like others have said, but don't pretend you're doing me a favour! I'd much rather people just said adults only. It's not like it would make any difference to whether I can go or not

OP you are overthinking it. It’s a wedding invitation, it’s optional.

First world problems!

It's their wedding, they can word invites how they want to. They are trying to be nice. I agree @JustOneShadeOfGrey, first world problems indeed.

@ooooohbetty it's completely a first world problem which is why I raised this on Mumsnet not the European Court Of Human Rights.

Completely agree they can word their invites however they like. And others are entitled to feel/react/roll eyes at that however they like.

They went for cute and came of patronising I would totally say to them (if you have a texting relationship) the Dc2 is breastfed and cant be left thank you for the invite but you will be unable to attend for this reason! Thats pretty gracious and non patronising! :) I know it’s a bit of a none issue but I would have got irritated by the wording as it’s not so easy just to leave DC behind I know my BIL didn’t go to his cousins wedding for this exact reason as he had his DS that weekend and that was more important! It’s a bit insensitive to parents from split homes who see their children twice a month! I’ve got a wedding to go to at the end of the year when DC1 will be 3 months and I already don’t want to leave her! DH thinks it would be a great idea not to take her though 🙈 it’s not always about wanting a night off so I can see how it rubbed you up the wrong way!

Off and that not of and the 🤦‍♀️

I used to love a good ‘night off’ for a wedding and suchlike. We had no kids apart from v close family at ours so I could never complain that our kids weren’t invited to weddings!! The only hassle was when it was dh side of family who would normally have babysat and we had to get my friends in to help (as was a full afternoon/evening affair).

I agree - fair enough having a childfree wedding, but I'm cringing a bit at the pretence that it's some sort of treat of parents. It's like saying, " we love your individual style, but we thought you'd enjoy the chance to look like a million dollars in the wedding photos, so please turn up in the outfit listed below, with your hair styled the following way."

I agree, you want a child-free wedding then own it and say "adults only please" and then accept this will mean some of the guests won't be able to attend. I was never willing to do this, as there were some important people I really wanted at mine, and with babies I accepted they came as a family package and that asking them to leave babies behind would be reaaaally inconvenient for them. I don't really get why people get hung up on childfree weddings if it means some people probably won't come, but actually I don't really get why people get hung up on certain things with weddings full stop!

@flowery

and if you read my full post it said in response to the OP....

I don't think there is a "best way" to say no children

Sorry for having an opinion on AIBU...

Personally I don’t see anything wrong with the wording, when I get asked to weddings etc I’d rather not take my kids, and I do see it as a little break to let my hair down and just be me instead of Mummy for a few hours! In fact I wrote something similar in my wedding invites, mainly because I didn’t want loads of kids running around, and so their parents could enjoy themselves.

I used to love a good ‘night off’ for a wedding and suchlike. We had no kids apart from v close family at ours so I could never complain that our kids weren’t invited to weddings!! The only hassle was when it was dh side of family who would normally have babysat and we had to get my friends in to help (as was a full afternoon/evening affair).

Yes, I imagine that it being presented as an easy ‘night off’ if you have family available to babysit.

I’ve only been to two childfree weddings that weren’t a significant hassle: one, my mother happened to be visiting from abroad and was happy to babysit and the other, the couple actually thought about how to enable their guests who had small kids to come and enjoy themselves more easily while still having the childfree wedding they wanted - 5pm ceremony at the same venue as the reception, which was central with good transport links so people could get home to babysitters fairly quickly and easily.

I will quite happily go to childfree weddings that are less convenient and require 10-12 hours of babysitting time (as long as they are local - I have done one childfree wedding that was far from home and it was an expensive disaster.) However, if the couple does a wide-eyed pretence that they are doing me a favour with no kids at their 12-hour, exquisitely picturesque but inconvenient location, I reserve the right to roll my eyes at their silliness.

Not sure I would want to see a baby suckling at the wedding table even though I’m all for bf