Is it ever justified for a parent to do this?

[ChateauneufDuTwat]

Apologies in advance for frustrating vagueness as I just want a subjective answer to the question rather than a full analysis of the situation.

Q. Is it ever ok for a divorced parent to actively encourage/allow their children to call their new spouse (not their DC's parent) 'Mum/Dad' when said parent of DC is still 100% on the scene and involved in DCs lives?

DC are 10 and 8. Step-parent has been in their lives for 5 years.

It's not Daddy for actual parent and DaddyFred for step-parent btw but Dad for both. Or Mum.

I might have to send my cockwomble ex this thread as he is pushing his new wife down my kids throat as “mummy” .....

Has anyone taken legal input on this sort of thing?!

NOT OK!!!

Hell no, not ok!

No, never.

No I would be livid if my DD's dad or his gf/wife was encouraging that. I would absolutely not allow it.

I’d imagine it’s ok only if the biological parents were not part of their child’s life.

There are a limited number of English language permutations and modern "blended" families are on the increase, these days.

For example, one of my kid's former classmates has two fathers - Daddy and Papa. If their parents divorced and both remarried, what would the two stepfathers be named? What would happen if one father divorced and remarried again (third stepfather) but the child continued to have a close relationship with the former (first or second) stepfather? Or, what happens if one or both fathers cycles through multiple marriages? Is it acceptable for the child to call all the stepfathers "dad"? What about if one father marries John Smith, divorces him and marries John Jones? Is it okay to call all the stepfathers "John"? What happens if both fathers are actually John and remarry different men named John?

I would suggest that the adults differentiate the relationships with whatever respectful terms suit their families. However, I wouldn't enforce particular descriptors on the child; I'd support the child using any polite name. The child doesn't choose to have multiple parents; it is not justified for the adults to enforce anything other than ordinary civility eg John or dad versus Mr-I-Didn't-Want-Another-Stepfather-and-I-Hate-You-All-the-Fifth. x

My mother did this, made us call my stepfather Dad. My dad was working overseas and she made us refer to them as Home Dad and Abroad Dad but call stepfather Dad on a daily basis.

She also changed my surname (not my siblings', just mine) at school etc, but didn't do it officially so it caused years of hassle with birth certificate in a different name from school/medical records etc. When I was eight she made me tell my father that my name had been changed and I was calling my stepfather Dad. He cried.

IMO people who do this are stamping ownership on their children in a really crass and selfish way. It's wrong.

No! This happened to me. My daughter's dad's new girlfriend, only been around a few months. They made my daughter call her Mum. I was furious and my daughter was upset. Even worse, they didn't understand why it wasn't ok. Only the child real Mum and Dad should get to be called that, unless either one isn't around and someone else steps into the role

I’m a step mum and I always tell her he child that you only have one mummy and one daddy!

I actually feel really sorry for the kids in this scenario - if I'd been told to call my step mum "mum" I would have worried no end about doing it but wanted to keep peace and done it around my dad to please him even if my mum asked me not to.
If it had ever come out, I would have been devastated at hurting her too.
My instinct was to say tell kids they can call whomever they want whatever they want until the above scenario occurred to me.
I'd suggest actual parent speak to respective parent and agree nicely it puts unfair burden on child in question. If possible!
Having been a step parent myself, I also had a position where child called me Mummy when they were 3. At the time I was a bit delighted. It didn't occur to me that I would have been offending actual mum. It didn't become a thing but I could see how it could by accident.
If that's the scenario then again I'd suggest parent to respective parent discussion.

I don’t think it’s ok at all and I have this problem, my son is 6, he sees his dad ever other weekend and one day in the week after school. His dad has been with his gf since our son was 2 and she told him she is his second mummy (cue the anger face), she changed her Facebook profile to ‘mummy to son’, they went on to have a daughter and now the FB is changed to ‘mummy to son and her daughter’. Frustrates the hell out of me. The first time my son came home and told me I have two mummies I corrected him. He calls my fiancé by his first name, his son calls me by my first name, we have a 6 month old now.
My fiancé’s son is 11 and was told 4 years ago to call his mums new man Pops when they got married after 6 months of being together! Absolute madness and my fiancé was so annoyed, but if his son called the man by his first name he would be corrected - no it’s Pops! Wtf!!

@standardaccount how would you stop it though? Any tips would be helpful because I don’t know how? I’ve asked my ex husband to tell his gf not to tell our son she is his second mummy and for her to remove the status off of Facebook and the copious amount of images of my son she keeps posting (I’m not friends with her but I’ve looked at the profile through Facebook which is public 🙄) but he won’t, he doesn’t see anything wrong with it, I asked how he would like it if my fiancé did that but he just ignores me.

No no no. My step mum kept asking me to call her mum, which I found odd as I lived 90% of the time with my mum and barely saw my dad and his wife.
Thankfully my dad put a stop to it and said I wasn’t to call her mum- about one of the only times he got parenting right

If me and dp split and I heard dd was calling another woman mum I would be heartbroken.

It's fine if the kid makes that choice but it's not ok to ask them or make them do it.

My youngest didn't at first but after 1 too many bollockings off his bio dad for calling him by his stepdads name by accident he just started calling them both dad. It was his own fault for being a dick about it.

Not unless it develops naturally over time or child wants it. I left DD1's dad when she was nearly 6 - she's an adult now and still calls my husband [Name] not dad, and if talking about him refers to him as her step-dad. Younger sisters came along after she was 10 years old and they have always just grown up knowing that DD1 calls dad [name] as she has a different dad who she sees sometimes.

In respect of future marriage, DH understands that although he has been the one who has seen DD1 through illness/exam stress/friendship worries etc and has paid for her as his own, when it comes to loyalty she will want her dad to walk her down the aisle.

Child decision - yes

Adult pushing it - no

247mummsy

Tell your ex that you and he and the GF are going to family mediation where the issue will be thrashed out.

If he refuses then take him to court and accuse him of contributing to alienation of affection by going along with his GF's hurtful game.

You could probably allege that continued exposure to the GF during visitation was contributing to emotional distress due to the emotional conflict caused by the GF.

Thanks @mathanxiety thing is I don’t this mediation would work, they know it annoys me which is probably why they do it. We’ve been to court a few years ago for various reasons, I actually found the court quite useless and barely read any of my paperwork that I spent hours and hours doing myself to save costs. I just don’t think I could go through court again, financially or emotionally (I know have a 6 month old with my fiancée).

Theres no point in mediation or going to court over the matter. Honestly, i hate to be rude but no judge or mediator wont care, its not abusive. I think the more you play into it the more it will happen. Its one of those horrible things that your going to have to suck up. Hopefully if you dont make anything of it it will stop.
You have the power to decide how much this is going to bother you, its a silly game on their behalf and if you dont play into it it will mean very little.

I agree, haven’t said anything about it in several years, but unfortunately she still does it, I realise i just have to ignore it and have done.

I'm a step mum and wouldn't expect or want to be called mum. Stepkids have their own mum.

My DSS affectionately refers to me as Evil Step Mum (we are incredibly close and have an amazing relationship). When he's with me and his Dad and our friends and family he refers to me as mum and he also refers to his mum and dad as mum 1 and Dad 1and me and his step dad as mum 2 and dad 2. We never encouraged him to do anything he didn't want to and for a long time just called me by my first name but he said himself a few years ago it didn't seem right considering how close we are to call me by my first name. Mum 1 happy with this and we both have a laugh at it.

Wouldn't be happy with it at all.

I have a friend who hates her ex so much and says her partner of 8 months is like a proper 'dad' to her DC and much better at parenting than the ex. I find it so sad that she has latched onto the first man thats come along since her marriage split and forced him to be a daddy to her kid who already has a perfectly good dad. May not have been good as a husband but he's a good dad and he and only he will ever be the child's true dad much as my friend thinks otherwise.

The birth parents have parental resposibility not step parents. Important that children know this. Very unpleasant tonusurpmposition of non resident parent if they are in touch and playing active role