Relative receiving benefits although able to work

[Radiator23]

Hi, I hope someone can help with a crisis of conscience and also practical advice.

A relative receives benefits and lives in a council flat (just her) in a village near my family and does not work. About 25 years ago she had mental health problems and was very ill. Since then she has had all the help the NHS and DWP have to offer and for several years (I’d say about 10) has certainly been well enough to do some work, even part time in a shop or something.

She does no volunteering, gets subsidised travel, arts and music classes, gym membership, has some sort of support worker to show her life skills (although she can manage perfectly well, she is 45 and in excellent physical health).

She can drive but chooses not to, and is constantly asking other family members to give her lifts, take her to family events, generally go out of our way, as well as also being unwilling to solve her own minor home problems, eg. calling a repairman, connecting TV to broadband. She joins her parents on holiday several times a year - they pay for everything.

She has quite a nice life really (sorry this is probably sounding a bit bitter). Other adult family members have had their own health problems over the years but still worked when able. My view is you pay into the system when you can and take when you really need to. Everyone is getting a bit fed up with this person but no-one will say anything to her. It makes family get-togethers very awkward.

I keep reading about how awful those work assessments are and wonder how on earth she can still be receiving benefits when people who are physically disabled and suffering life limiting illnesses are being told they are fit for work. However I have no direct experience of the system so perhaps there is something I don’t understand.

Any advice on either dealing with this, approaching the relevant agency, or tackling it with her, or just learning not to care would be really helpful. I don’t think this counts as benefit fraud, but I have seen her play up the severity of her situation when questioned on it by others so I would not put it past her to do the same with external organisations. I think she does it to defend her lifestyle but cannot see that doing some work would help her as well as be the right thing to do by society.

You should get a job as a
PIP assessor.

Stay out of it. Work on yourself and ignore them.

Counselling, mindfulness, exercise, CBT methods, there are lots of ways to work at ignoring things you hate.

So you know more than all the professionals involved?

I keep reading about how awful those work assessments are and wonder how on earth she can still be receiving benefits when people who are physically disabled and suffering life limiting illnesses are being told they are fit for work.

Probably because she is unfit for work.

You have very little idea how her mental health is, and what she could cope with day-to-day.

YABU.

OP how do you know she is well enough to work? Are you her GP? Her mental health specialist?No?

Then butt out.

I've known since a teenager people with various mental health problems who seem fine after a few years so look like they should be working, however they aren't fine and even volunteering can trigger an episode of poor health.

I'm not sure I'm clear on what you are asking. Your relative has had MH problems. You think they are mostly in the past and she is now able to work at least part time but she isn't? You may think her lazy or unfulfilled but it isn't anything to do with you so they have to remain your private thoughts. You could try to help her get a job if she wants one but I can't think of anything else that you could do.

Which benefits does she get that you think she shouldn't be getting?

Maybe, just maybe, it's none of your business. If she is being given benefits then she entitled to them.

Don't judge someone unless you have walked a mile in their shoes.

Support workers aren't cheap and they aren't given for no reason.

The best thing you can do is learn to ignore it and do some work on yourself to be more contented.

You’re going to get flamed on here but I do believe that benefits are a safety net and not a hammock.

Everyone is getting a bit fed up with this person but no-one will say anything to her

Why are they fed up with her? Because she needs support to 'adult' or because she doesn't drive?

It sounds like you are feeling hard done by which is odd as her life is nothing to do with you and I doubt you know everything about her situation anyway as by now she must have realised how sanctimonious and judgemental you are.

you don't say what benefits but PIP is independent of work. Lots of people get PIP and work. being able to work/or to actually work doesn't mean you cannot get certain benefits.

Okay thanks everyone. I don’t know why the need to be so rude on an advice board, but I will just keep on trying to ignore it although the whole family is troubled by it. Have a great weekend one and all!

Her receiving benefits for a lifetime condition literally has no impact on what you receive. Would you rather her health deteriorate again so she looks ill?

Don't blame others for your shitty life. Jealousy is not a good look.

So on top of everything else she has a whole family of judgemental people to cope with too!

Oh Wow yet another benefits bashing thread

So she can 'manage perfectly well' and doesn't need a support worker for Life Skills, but, at the same time,

she can't call a repairman, get broadband sorted, drive even though she has a licence (assuming that her diagnosis didn't mean it was taken away by the DVLA), go on holiday without her parents, doesn't appear to have married/met a partner/had a family and presumably has received an individual budget through rigorous assessment so that she still has a support worker and additional funding that is being used to pay for the gym, art and music therapy?

You're contradicting yourself. Just because you want to see her stacking shelves in Tescos, that doesn't mean she isn't still unwell and those interventions are to enable her to function as she is because she isn't well enough to cope with getting and keeping a job.

Look, report if you want, but be honest with yourself why you're doing it and what you'll really get out of it.

You're not having a "crisis of conscience", or feeling worried about her, you're bitter, angry and pissed off.

That won't be fixed by hurting her. If anything, trying to take her benefits away would make her more reliant on family help.

You need to work on yourself and your own life and reactions.