Relative receiving benefits although able to work

[Radiator23]

Hi, I hope someone can help with a crisis of conscience and also practical advice.

A relative receives benefits and lives in a council flat (just her) in a village near my family and does not work. About 25 years ago she had mental health problems and was very ill. Since then she has had all the help the NHS and DWP have to offer and for several years (I’d say about 10) has certainly been well enough to do some work, even part time in a shop or something.

She does no volunteering, gets subsidised travel, arts and music classes, gym membership, has some sort of support worker to show her life skills (although she can manage perfectly well, she is 45 and in excellent physical health).

She can drive but chooses not to, and is constantly asking other family members to give her lifts, take her to family events, generally go out of our way, as well as also being unwilling to solve her own minor home problems, eg. calling a repairman, connecting TV to broadband. She joins her parents on holiday several times a year - they pay for everything.

She has quite a nice life really (sorry this is probably sounding a bit bitter). Other adult family members have had their own health problems over the years but still worked when able. My view is you pay into the system when you can and take when you really need to. Everyone is getting a bit fed up with this person but no-one will say anything to her. It makes family get-togethers very awkward.

I keep reading about how awful those work assessments are and wonder how on earth she can still be receiving benefits when people who are physically disabled and suffering life limiting illnesses are being told they are fit for work. However I have no direct experience of the system so perhaps there is something I don’t understand.

Any advice on either dealing with this, approaching the relevant agency, or tackling it with her, or just learning not to care would be really helpful. I don’t think this counts as benefit fraud, but I have seen her play up the severity of her situation when questioned on it by others so I would not put it past her to do the same with external organisations. I think she does it to defend her lifestyle but cannot see that doing some work would help her as well as be the right thing to do by society.

I drive a lovely car btw, Special edition Mini Cooper, I've had it for two years and it has less than 2000 miles on the clock.
Now why do you think that is?

Happily I haven’t needed to claim benefits so far in my life but my understanding is that it is a complicated process. If your relative is receiving help it is because trained assessors recognise she requires help.

Don’t think that because she seems to be functioning well that you are seeing the whole picture. Lots of people can put on a good show for a few hours at a time and then crumble later.

And if your family are fed up of helping her out they can and should say ‘No’. They don’t have to martyr themselves for her, regardless of her issues.

But as you well know LovelyJubbly it's a rare crime.

Right, so you don't know which benefits she is getting that she shouldn't be getting. I think you should just jog on then.

I just don't believe this

Nor do I. GF thread.

She wouldn’t get them if she wasn’t entitled to them and mental health is also considered a disability. She may not open up to you all as she knows you’re all gossiping behind her back but genuinely need the help and support. I think you need to mind your business and stop looking down at her. If it’s all fake and she’s scamming the benefit system she will be caught, even then it’s not your problem so don’t get involved.

Keep your fucking nose out judgemental much people probably think the same about me but I worked up until 2 years ago and can’t anymore due to MH issues and even while I was working I was getting my pip for my learning difficulties. Walk a mile in your family members shoes you might just stop being so ignorant

I ‘look perfectly healthy’ unless I use my mobility aids- which aren’t always needed, mostly yes, but I have a few days in a year where I might manage without.

Wanna report me? Get my blue badge removed? Force me into work when I’m completely unemployable? Tell the council to stop making adjustments to my home because I sometimes could maybe manage (even though 99days in 100 I can’t) ? Call the dwp on me because you don’t think I’m disabled enough??
I started with mh problems as a teen. Most would never know about that, because I keep that private, and I keep back what’s caused them.

You really want to start this type of goody thread and then complain people are rude?? Nope. Noooope.
If you don’t want to help her, don’t. That’s your choice. Don’t come on here and bitch about her, that’s ridiculous

*goady not goody, goddam

Posts a GF thread benefit bashing in AIBU and then flounces because people are calling OP out on it being 'rude'. Right.

The title of this thread says it all really. 'Relative receiving benefits although ABLE to work'. Able? According to who? The OP? FFS,I give up. I speak from personal experience,believe me PIP and ESA are very difficult to get. I was reassessed last December for PIP,and despite the fact my mobility has worsened since I was assessed the time before,they still decided that it was actually better and downgraded me on the mobility side. They obviously know me better,from a half hour assessment,than I know myself,or my GP and hospital consultant.

My query is the use of the phrase 'the family are worried about it'
because if they are worried about it they can do something about it.

If they are envious of her and want her shopped, but are too sensible to do it themselves, you are a mug to do it for them as you will be the one held to blame if benefit receiver becomes worse or you will be ostracised if the rest of the family feel sorry for her.
Let the worriers deal with it and keep out of it.

I bet you get fed up with those horrible scam artists that use disability badges, but can actually walk AND gasp are even YOUNG!

The thing is op (if you're still reading), you've said nothing that indicates WHY you think your relative is somehow faking. In fact, the picture you've painted describes a woman who's clearly very ill, is receiving a huge amount of support that's really difficult to get and still isn't even really functioning.

Are you someone who just doesn't "believe" in mental illness?

If you saw me sat down you wouldn't think there was anything wrong with me. What you wouldn't see is that it took me 2 hours to get up, washed & dressed, that I have to take strong painkillers 4 times a day, that I have to use grab rails in the shower & toilet to help support me standing up & once I've had a shower I have to go to bed because I'm exhausted, that I'm sometimes too exhausted to eat food I have got ready & I'm in bed at least 16 hours a day. You may think you know everything but you are probably not even scratching the surface, don't be so judgemental towards someone who is ill & vulnerable.

“She has a quite a nice life really”

Does she? Really? Doesn’t sound like it to me. Mental health issues, life on benefits, little independence, her family resent her... I wouldn’t want that life. Would you?

You have no idea about mental health and sound very jealous! If someone who has probably suffered for years. My brother has schizophrenia and though you may not know to meet him superficially, he is very unwell. You would not wish that life experience at all. Voices in your head, feeling the world is a bad place and paranoia, etc it must be a terrifying experience.

If it bothers you, then contact the authorities and tell them that in your opinion all the assessors are wrong, and that you know better.

Nobody can see what's inside another person, looking at her from the outside going on holidays and receiving support must be making you resentful, but I'm sure she'd swap a travel pass and discounted gym membership for health, freedom, the ability to drive and participate fully in society. Don't judge her, you can't diagnose anything from that high horse.

I’ve encountered many like you OP. Been unfortunate enough to be heavily involved in something similar.

You do realise don’t you that you could absolutely rip someone’s life apart? You could destroy someone who is already massively vulnerable and fragile just because of jealousy ? misguided social and economic justice ? Saving the taxpayers money? (Ive heard all the excuses) Whatever you want to dress it up as it’s foul

This thread makes me feel sick, properly ill.
I know I'm judged this way and it hurts.

she had quite a nice life really

Yep. So did the family we were involved with. Turned up late each day to drop off with (shock) costa coffee.
Off they went for a lazy day not working
Oh I read all the notes made from the files

Everything that was ‘seen’ all recorded. Only from one perspective though

They were actually late as one child had a life threatening condition. Getting there late was actually a massive achievement many wouldn’t have managed at all
The coffees were grabbed as the nights were totally disrupted and they were exhausted and the assumption of no work was made purely on the fact the father didn’t wear a SUIT ....... how narrow minded can you get

Authorities had to do compliance interviews etc and caused this poor family HELL all because of some busybody.
Unless you are with someone 24/7 you never know the truth. Do you have any idea what it’s like at your lowest point to then be kicked when you’re down ?

@Brillohair

Take heart from the responses. It's clear most people are aware that you can't judge a persons fitness in terms of MH from the outside so don't worry that everyone is like the OP. If there are people judging you harshly, it's on them. Don't let it add to your challenges.

Of course it's possible that she's swinging the lead. Some people are very convincing and if she's been hospitalised or been suicidal then agencies are going to tread carefully with her. Who knows.

But you have a hidden agenda here and for that YABU. If you must feel badly towards her then concentrate on the fact that her life seems a bit sad and lonely. Would that help?

Some people are very convincing and if she's been hospitalised or been suicidal then agencies are going to tread carefully with her.

What a load of bull, yeah sure, agencies tread so "carefully" that they've been known during ESA and PIP assessments to ask people who have attempted suicide why they didn't succeed and why they haven't tried again. If there's one thing the government doesn't do when it comes to disabled people it's "tread carefully."
If you've ever been interrogated by one of the DWP's so called disability assessors about the fact you have suicidal thoughts you'd know they do no such thing.

gets subsidised travel, arts and music classes, gym membership, has some sort of support worker to show her life skills

If she is getting all that then she is obviously severely unwell and has complex needs. I have a child who is a wheelchair user who isn't entitled to anything and another whose development is 2 years behind his actual age who isn't entitled to anything either. They only give help to the people with the most complex needs and severest of disabilities.