Relative receiving benefits although able to work

[Radiator23]

Hi, I hope someone can help with a crisis of conscience and also practical advice.

A relative receives benefits and lives in a council flat (just her) in a village near my family and does not work. About 25 years ago she had mental health problems and was very ill. Since then she has had all the help the NHS and DWP have to offer and for several years (I’d say about 10) has certainly been well enough to do some work, even part time in a shop or something.

She does no volunteering, gets subsidised travel, arts and music classes, gym membership, has some sort of support worker to show her life skills (although she can manage perfectly well, she is 45 and in excellent physical health).

She can drive but chooses not to, and is constantly asking other family members to give her lifts, take her to family events, generally go out of our way, as well as also being unwilling to solve her own minor home problems, eg. calling a repairman, connecting TV to broadband. She joins her parents on holiday several times a year - they pay for everything.

She has quite a nice life really (sorry this is probably sounding a bit bitter). Other adult family members have had their own health problems over the years but still worked when able. My view is you pay into the system when you can and take when you really need to. Everyone is getting a bit fed up with this person but no-one will say anything to her. It makes family get-togethers very awkward.

I keep reading about how awful those work assessments are and wonder how on earth she can still be receiving benefits when people who are physically disabled and suffering life limiting illnesses are being told they are fit for work. However I have no direct experience of the system so perhaps there is something I don’t understand.

Any advice on either dealing with this, approaching the relevant agency, or tackling it with her, or just learning not to care would be really helpful. I don’t think this counts as benefit fraud, but I have seen her play up the severity of her situation when questioned on it by others so I would not put it past her to do the same with external organisations. I think she does it to defend her lifestyle but cannot see that doing some work would help her as well as be the right thing to do by society.

There are many, many similarities between my life and what you describe of your relatives. I too have chronic and enduring mental illness. I haven't had a serious relapse in about ten years (although there have been many nasty blips in that time)

I mostly stay well by having a very reduced and quiet life. My stress tolerance is really poor, and work is out of the question for me. I also have some physical limitations which mean even stacking shelves would not be possible for me.

Most of the time I can function on a very basic level, but thats not a sign I can keep pushing myself to do more, that's me managing and maintaining what little health I have. If I'm not well, I don't go out and people don't see me. They might assume I'm living some life of work-free luxury but the reality is I'll be huddled up on the sofa or in bed, falling apart.

People like you, OP, really scare me. I haven't told anyone beyond my partner and a close friend what benefits I get. I've name changed for this post, just in case someone like you, who's looking in at my life from the outside and jumping to conclusions, decides that I'm 'well enough to work' and don't deserve my benefits.

(And yes, I had to jump through all the hoops of intrusive face to face assessment and the humiliating multiple forms to get them. I'm being reassessed now - even though my condition is lifelong, and the additional stress of this is unbearable)

Just leave your relative alone. Mind your own bloody business and get a life, OP, maybe one where you can learn a bit more empathy and compassion.

@TheDevilsDoorbell that sounds really difficult to manage, and I'm sorry this is a permanent condition for you.

I'm wondering though why barely one person in this thread is prepared to admit Peuple do agree the system?

It doesn't mean that people using the system to get the support they need will be tarred by association, anymore than I would be accused of tax dodging.

Some people are screwing the system, her relative could be one of them surely? Possibly not, but equally, possibly.

Op should be allowed to express the possibility surely? It's no reflection on you.

I have a drug induced involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia (TD) caused by being given a dreadful drug after I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome and severe mental breakdown three years ago.

My dad said this evening that he thought I had mostly recovered from TD. I wish I could say this was true. It has definitely improved in 3 years but I still get lots of symptoms and embarrassing involuntary facial movements that I generally suppress or hide when around others. I find the lip smacking and mouth opening the most awful ones, and I am glad that I have done a good enough job of concealing these enough for my family and others to think I am getting better. On the other hand, it upsets me that people think I am ok with my TD.

After 3 years, I am truly grateful it has improved a lot, but it still affects me emotionally and physically more than people who love me the most seem to realise. This is something that hurts the most. 😢💔

I’m supposedly ‘fit to work’ and I know that when my parents decide they don’t want to keep supporting me financially each month while I am looking after my 10 month old DS, they will expect me to go back to work.

The complete inability to understand the social anxiety and suffering I feel every day just trying to be seen as ‘normal’ in today’s society makes me feel angry, frustrated, judged and scared that I won’t cope when I do have to get work again.

I applied for PIP a couple of years ago and was turned down. I appear ‘nornal’ as I suppress my involuntary movements a lot, and having a brain injury is very much an invisible disability. Posts like this one make me feel even more depressed than ever that others just don’t get how some people find living with their disabilities and health conditions so hard, and that they shouldn’t be entitled to any help.

If you can get pregnant and look after a 10 month old baby then surely you can work.

Myheart people with mental health issues and/or physical disabilities can have relationships and children you know.

People in wheelchairs or with missing limbs also have children.

What's your point?

MyHeart even with mental health problems we can have relationships. If we have children we do our best to look after them, putting them before everything else. Often it takes all our strength and leaves us with no strength to look after ourselves. It doesn't mean we can work. It just means we're doing our best and trying to survive.

batsy, you mean like the rest of us. Most parents do this, disabled or not.

myheartbelongsto Parenting is hard for everyone but it’s very different parenting if you have mental health problems compared to if you do not.

There are a lot of people like this. It does become very hard when you havent worked for many years. I presume she has probably been on Dla for many years and probably got some kind of long term award. However things have changed now. At some point they will be reassessed and will find it more difficult.

I’m sure there are people who look at me and think I don’t look disabled enough. The thing is when I’m at my worst nobody sees me, because I’m barely able to get out of bed, much less the house. And when I do get out and do stuff that most people take for granted, they don’t see the amount of recovery time I need.
So I guess what I mean is you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. I get that people look at folk like me and your relative, and we’re getting enough money to be fairly comfortable, and you’re having to work hard for the same. I honestly get that, and I feel bad about it. But equally I’m sure we’d love to have the health, energy, and normal life that you guys have.
But what is it they say? “Comparison is the thief of all joy”.

"I presume she has probably been on Dla for many years and probably got some kind of long term award"

DLA and PIP are not out of work benefits.

Myheart I have been working before I had my DS, but you try working when you have had a brain injury and are suffering from a physical drug induced disorder.

I’m sure you are a lot more sympathetic in real life towards others who have mental and physical health issues...

@Radiator23 I agree, it can be frustrating seeing people get lots of help when they don't necessarily need it and then seeing others who do need it but don't get it. As a mental health nurse, I have patients who have severe and enduring mental illnesses, one in particular who was refused benefits as due to the assessors report on the day, he didn't warrant them...both myself and his psychiatrist strongly disagreed with that one! I took itfurther; we appealed and he was awarded what he was due. On the other end of the spectrum, I have worked with service users who are more than able to work, in fact their need for MH services input in the first place is questionable, however due to the picture they paint on the day of the assessment, are awarded benefits.

There has to be a better way of assessing who genuinely does and doesn't need benefits but until we figure it out and implement it, there is going to continue to be poor people out there who need help but don't get it, along with those who don't need it but get all the help under the sun.

This thread rings a bell, so. Sorry if if ive already replied.
The thing is disability benefits are easy to get. The government/DWP don't exactly throw them around. Shes been signed off by an expert. So I'm afraid your get a job attitude will or rather should mean nothing to her.

Are not easy to get.

Why is this goady troll's thread still up?

I work now (part time) but was unable to work for a number of years due to MH reasons. I still probably couldn't do a shelf stacking job - they tend to be shift based (I can't handle the variability - I need a level of routine at all times and not knowing if I'll be working next week or not would throw me off), tend to be quite demanding in terms of attendance (I couldn't just adjust my hours to see my CPN or psych because I needed to, no one would let me change my start time because my meds make me too drowsy to cope with transport for a while in the morning), and are normally socially quite high stress with supervisors who aren't going to be sympathetic if there's too much stimulation or I need to just go for a walk round the block.

I seem quite normal, I assure you, but there's a difference between me holding a conversation and my managing a full on job. I always suspect that the kind of person who complains about someone living the life of Riley on benefits would also be first to complain if they had a co worker who's shift they had to cover regularly or who could do limited duties or who said odd things about the voices in their head while on the till etc.