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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says I have to do chores during my break from DC!

227 replies

SosigDog · 13/04/2019 11:25

DH is out all day tomorrow doing a hobby. He’s taken DC out to the park and cafe for lunch today. I went back to bed. DH has woken me up to supervise DC while he gets dressed and uses the loo. He disturbed me again to pack DC’s bag. Then again to ask where DC’s outdoor clothes are.

As I waved them off I said “Lovely jubbly, I’m going to have a bubble bath and read a magazine”. “Er no” said DH, “You’ll do something useful like emptying the dishwasher or hoovering”.

AIBU to think that I should be able to lie in the bath if I want?! He certainly won’t be hoovering tomorrow on his day off so why should I hoover today on my day off?

OP posts:
RSAcre · 14/04/2019 01:28

“Er no” said DH, “You’ll do something useful like emptying the dishwasher or hoovering”.

Did you accidentally marry Victorian Dad out of Viz?

Pumpkintopf · 14/04/2019 02:42

I actually worry about DC’s well-being and safety if I disappear for a whole day. DH won’t remember to cook lunch and he’s likely to just say “shut up” if DC cries.

This is unacceptable. Have you told him so?

JacquesHammer · 14/04/2019 08:05

there is something wrong if a one year old baby is routinely getting up in the middle of the night. It’s not normal despite what you may think

It’s completely normal. Take a look into sleep patterns of both children and adults.

Being rude because I have suggested it’s one of the issues says a little bit more about you. Why are you so bitter? Not enough sleep?

Ah “you’re irrational therefore wrong” method of shutting down an argument. I appreciate your concern though, I’ve had a super child-free weekend of doing nothing and sleep so I feel great Grin

Cannyhandleit · 14/04/2019 08:33

Do you have children @Whitechocandraspberry? A one year old routinely getting up through the night is 100% normal! Yes some people are very lucky and have children who don't wake through the night from a young age but the vast majority of us are not and that doesn't suggest there is an issue or we are doing something wrong!

Whitechocandraspberry · 14/04/2019 09:25

Yes. I do not agree that it is normal. Those who have children at this age who do not sleep clearly do. I’m really surprised at how many people are in this position and are for years. It’s become the norm but it isn’t normal.

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2019 09:42

Yes. I do not agree that it is normal. Those who have children at this age who do not sleep clearly do. I’m really surprised at how many people are in this position and are for years. It’s become the norm but it isn’t normal.

It hasn't 'become' the norm, it's always been the norm!

My children are probably older than you and they didn't sleep through either!
Every sleep pattern is different - even in adults.

SlappingJoffrey · 14/04/2019 10:02

One year olds sleeping through regularly and waking regularly are both within the realms of normal behaviour. I've no particular axe to grind here, as I've experienced both when mine were that age.

CostanzaG · 14/04/2019 10:04

whitechoc I've had a quick look at some scientific studies on children's sleep patterns this morning. It would seem that for children aged between 1-2 the average number of night wakings is between 0-2.5. So, yes some sleep through but others will wake more than 2.5 times.

I can't get the link to work as it's behind a paywall but there were other studies supporting this data.

Skyejuly · 14/04/2019 10:06

I would never let my DH speak to me like that.

YouBumder · 14/04/2019 10:08

I hope you had your bath with your magazine as a “fuck you” to him.

I’d laugh so hard if my husband thought he could tell me to do anything

YouBumder · 14/04/2019 10:12

Oh and it’s probably too late but next time he’s planning a day off for his “hobby” get up and go out before he has to leave so he can’t go.

I’d also get a job so I had some financial independence from this arsehole.

Acis · 14/04/2019 10:32

there is something wrong if a one year old baby is routinely getting up in the middle of the night. It’s not normal despite what you may think

Goodness, there must be an an awful lot of abnormal children around, including all three of mine.

strawberriesandsugar · 14/04/2019 10:39

It does depend on the child too. My first born slept through from 6 weeks. My youngest, still wakes now aged 3. Same parents, parenting the same.
I was not so smug second time round

Jux · 14/04/2019 14:14

Why, if you're not interested in sleep patterns of babies, did you comment on it, White? You clearly are interested enough to comment and then argue the toss.

Educate yourself a bit, then you won't look quite so ignorant, judgy and silly again. Presumany you're interested enough in how you come across to do that?

Jux · 14/04/2019 14:14

Preumably, obvs.

Whitechocandraspberry · 14/04/2019 14:27

NOT interested in sleep training. 1 year old babies should be sleeping. I’m not one bit interested in how I come across. If people are so bothered about being judged they may want to consider why.

I don’t look as silly as those who are so offended at the idea that a one year old should be sleeping. And are clearly annoyed by such an outrageous suggestion. Not my issue.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again sleep deprivation is often the cause of further domestic issues in family relationships.

It may be hard for some people to hear. I personally don’t understand why

I

iklboo · 14/04/2019 14:31

'It didn't happen to me so it can't possibly happen to anyone else. So there. Gavel'. Okay.

CostanzaG · 14/04/2019 14:34

white What about the scientific evidence that states that 1-2 year olds will wake, on average, between 0 -2.5 times a night?
Or are there just a lot of abnormal babies out there?

Lweji · 14/04/2019 14:42

1 year old babies should be sleeping.

Yes, just keep telling them that.

Like all babies should breastfeed easily, learn how to walk and talk at 12 months, sleep and eat at 4 hour intervals.

I'm sure parents make their 1 year olds wake up in the night just for the fun of it.

SlappingJoffrey · 14/04/2019 14:42

It obviously doesn't carry the same weight as hot air flavoured anecdote.

CostanzaG · 14/04/2019 14:46

That must be it.... I will make a note that anecdotal information trumps actual scientific research.
It would make my job as an academic soooo much easier 😂

Cannyhandleit · 14/04/2019 15:34

@Whitechocandraspberry if you are not interested then why comment on it?? I am deeply jealous that your child/children were sleeping through at 1 but I don't think that is down to your marvellous parenting just like my children not sleeping through is not down to my terrible parenting! My 4 year old still doesn't sleep through but he has additional needs and unfortunately that is a hurdle we just can't get over and as a result I have been sleep deprived for 4 years! I don't have any domestic issues with my DP because of our issues and the reason for that is that unlike the OP I have a very supportive DP who co parents our children and divides up the household chores equally even though I am a stay at home mum! He recognises I need some me time and I deserve a break when he is home!

Cannyhandleit · 14/04/2019 15:35

And I'm not offended by your views I just find them ridiculous!

Acis · 14/04/2019 15:37

I don’t look as silly as those who are so offended at the idea that a one year old should be sleeping

Who's said they were offended by that? What people have reasonably pointed out is that you can say until you are blue in the face that a one year old should be sleeping, it doesn't change the fact that thousands of one year olds don't, and that that has always been the case.

HBStowe · 14/04/2019 15:44

If he actually talks to you like that he’s a cunt. I would bin him off if I were you.