DH says I have to do chores during my break from DC!

[SosigDog]

DH is out all day tomorrow doing a hobby. He’s taken DC out to the park and cafe for lunch today. I went back to bed. DH has woken me up to supervise DC while he gets dressed and uses the loo. He disturbed me again to pack DC’s bag. Then again to ask where DC’s outdoor clothes are.

As I waved them off I said “Lovely jubbly, I’m going to have a bubble bath and read a magazine”. “Er no” said DH, “You’ll do something useful like emptying the dishwasher or hoovering”.

AIBU to think that I should be able to lie in the bath if I want?! He certainly won’t be hoovering tomorrow on his day off so why should I hoover today on my day off?

I second the playpen. Ds loves his.

What is wrong with these men? OP do what ever you feel like doing, if that’s a bath and TV then enjoy it! He is not your boss and, especially as he’ll be out doing his hobby tomorrow, he is taking the piss! I’m in bed right now! My dishwasher needs emptying and I should hoover but I’m not going to if any guy tried to order me to do something he wouldn’t be around for long!

@Missingstreetlife I bloody love my playpen! Putting DS in his cot with a couple of books easily buys enough time to get ready or go to the toilet as well.

What does he think you do when you need a poo and your at home with DS?

Good grief, you have my sympathy OP.

It sounds like he's not capable of looking after DC without you holding his hand. The only way to make this better is for him to do more with DC without you there. Maybe next weekend you should arrange to be out all day on Saturday so he has the chance to learn how to deal with DC on his own.

He should do his laundry at least. I have never done DHs, even when I was on maternity leave. If you cook he washes up.

And he ddefinitely needs to do more saturdays. My DH is currently out with my 4 yo. Am I doing housework? Nope, Im eating popcorn and watching shit films.

So did he work all weekend too? Did that mean he couldn't do laundry then? Does he do many chores at the weekend, either pre or post DC? Is this all day hobby thing a one off or a regular thing?

I would be having a very long bath if DH said that to me

He appears to have no redeeming qualities

Put your phone aside. Run a bath, take a magazine, relax and think about no one but yourself for at least an hour.

Whether or not you do chores, or feel obliged to do them / able to do them because you stay at home, being TOLD to do them is a very different matter.

Time for yourself isn’t a luxury, it’s an essential. Look after yourself and stand up for yourself. Take care.

“You’ll do something useful"??? If my DH ever spoke to me like that he'd come home to find not only no chores done, but I might just make a little more mess just to make my point!! Who does he think he is?!

Not that this makes it any better for you OP , but my DH asks where we keep bedding while standing in front of the open cupboard containing bedding and towels and also instead of looking for anything just ask koala because she knows where everyones 2000 items of random crap are at any given time!!

Does he always speak to you like that?

It’s really not ok.

Do what l did when my (now ex) husband pulled stunts like this. Sit him down, tell him you have some bad news for him, and make him a cup of hot sweet tea.
Then tell him, very gently, that Queen Victoria's dead....

My husband works much longer hours than me. He’d need to wash his own clothes if he wasn’t married (as in fact he was doing before he met me). It’s perfectly possible to have a demanding job and sort out your own washing. I love him but I am not remotely interested in making sure he has clean pants.

I haven’t met him but I already have a strong dislike of your husband.

He's a cunt. Why can't he pack his child's bag? Why doesn't he know where his child's outdoor clothes are? Why does he think it's acceptable not to cook lunch? And WHY THE FUCK does he think it's OK to say 'shut up' if his child cries?

He needs to get his act as a parent together or he can fuck off.

Just sounds grim. Unacceptable way to talk to you. Or even to think like that. Why do you need to take a toddler to the bathroom with you? Just babyproof the house, leave him somewhere safe.

l cannot bear men like this. When my ex husband was in hospital (with gangrene, following a work accident!), none of his family visited him. When he was home, and his mother came to see him, after she'd left he said that she'd wanted to visit him in hospital (which entailed two buses each way), but his dad had said it wasn't safe (but it was ok for me to do it, and his dad could have driven her there) and that she wasn't to go. And "she abided by his wishes."
Who the hell do these men think they are, telling people what to do and what not to do, like some kind of Victorian mill owner?! gets off soapbox
Have your bath, OP, and stay in there til you look like a Shar Pei. The cheek of him!

LTB. Life is way too short.

Do you like him? I couldn’t even like a man who couldn’t parent his own child or who spoke to me like that.

Oh OP that doesn’t sound good, at all.

Oh and BTW, he only acts ‘useless’ (can’t figure where clothes are etc) because it means that you’ll take over the load. You need to start leaving him with the DC and not be there.

I would also stop doing so much. If he was single, he’d have to do his own laundry, cook etc (even if it’s outsourced) or alternatively he’d have to go and live with mummy again.

I think you would be perfectly justified in announcing your new hobby is dossing about.

It's a great hobby, I've done it for years, it's educational, you can read books, listen to the radio, watch tv. It's cheap, a tub full of bath water doesn't cost much . It doesn't require specialised equipment or clothing to start, though of course you can gradually upgrade to expensive bath products and silk pyjamas as your expertise in dossing improves.

However, you must impress upon your oh that like his hobby, yours does demand the absence of small children and incompetent spouses.

If he doesn't understand this, then you need to start taking the children(preferably when they are tired and hungry) to watch him do his hobby. Which I bet is some manly thing that needs special clothing and equipment, needs driving to and involves socialising with alcohol at the end! And I also bet the special clothing gets muddy/sweaty and is left for you to wash......

Fuck me. How does he manage to hold down a job and do a hobby when he's so useless.

Rude to say it so blunt like that but I'd expect DH to do jobs whilst home alone if they needed doing and he hadn't done them the day before. I wouldn't expect to work all week then come home and start on the house whilst my partner didn't work. Only fair if one is financing everything that the other does the chores.

She seen that he tells a one year old to ‘shut up’

I have a one year old who doesn’t sleep through the night. Yes, as the SATP I wake up. However, my husband (who has a demanding job) will wake when it’s been really bad!

Also, DH in a million of years would never say that to them!