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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Using a disabled loo.....

368 replies

countrymousesussex · 12/04/2019 19:10

This is a weird one that I’m genuinely curious about, and it’s a situation I’ve found myself in a few times.

Being on maternity leave with a 4.5 month old, I am often out with the buggy. We live in a village so often am in a different town/village when shopping, running errands etc - so not close enough to nip home.

Today I was in a market town about 7 miles from our village, shopping. I was dying for the loo so I went into the baby change room at Tesco to find that there was no loo inside it. I then tried to get the buggy into the ladies but there was no room. Someone saw me struggling and said why didn’t I just use the disabled one as there was no one waiting and it has space for the buggy. I didn’t feel right doing this, so trekked in and out of coffee shops till I found one with a large enough loo to get the buggy in.

Was I being ridiculous to not use the disabled? In our village cafe I often leave the buggy in the main room while I nip to the loo and ask one of the girls that works there to keep an eye on the baby, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that anywhere else.

Parents with buggies, what would you have done?

Disabled people, would you have been really annoyed if I’d used the disabled?

I’m just interested to know if I was being a doughnut!

OP posts:
Chouetted · 13/04/2019 00:31

They almost always are unisex... and yes, if someone is terrified of going in the nonaccessible toilets (because of the gender split), they have a need for the accessible ones. It's not new, and there's no need to make out like it is.

Merrymumoftwo · 13/04/2019 00:31

Flocking. They always have been due to legal requirements being so few per facility

Yabbers · 13/04/2019 00:33

I don’t know how to say in simpler terms we CANNOT have a disabled only facility.

My issue with this type of thinking is, every day people are making decisions that they CANNOT meet the needs of people with disabilities, when they are opening their new playpark or retail outlet or restaurant. They can ONLY meet the needs of non disabled people. Those who are excluded just have to live with that. But dare someone suggest that for once, those people are catered for exclusively and that's met with an "are you mad??" response. Why is it ok to do that?

The main problem I see with making it for all is, there is a lot of specialist kit in there. You think the local teens won't be in there mucking about with it? The mum with two toddlers trying to have a wee, whilst the kids find the hoist and think it's fun to press all the buttons. I see that all the time with things like platform lifts and parents just let them do it so half the time when we need it, it isn't working.

Even in standard disabled WCs. How many folk here who use them all the time and don't care that they shouldn't, tie up the red pull cord so their kid doesn't pull it. Do you bother putting it back so it hangs at floor level, this being able to be used by a person who has fallen - the very thing it is there for? Given how many I see tied up, I'm guessing the majority don't.

People without disabilities, or who have no experience of someone who does, generally have no clue. It's telling that by far, the majority of people here explaining why it shouldn't happen are people with direct experience.

Flockingflamingo · 13/04/2019 00:35

As has been said many times on this thread, disabled people have fought for these facilities. With regards to gender neutral toilets, it should be a separate space, not a comadeering of disabled bathrooms which are already shared with baby changing facilities.

Yabbers · 13/04/2019 00:36

@Flockingflamingo

They have always been gender neutral. Don't try to make this something it isn't.

Missingstreetlife · 13/04/2019 00:36

Yeah and use the fucking disabled parking space while you are at it so I have to walk in pain or just can't get to the shop or doctor or wherever it is. Selfish bastards. Some places lock the disabled toilet so it will still be fit for USC to use, there's a whole scheme (radar key) of toilets with facilities that you can't use unless disabled, because you can't understand that not everyone with a disability is using a wheelchair, and that a facility for disabled people is not ok for you to use if you are pregnant, in a hurry, have children or are stupid. Disabled loo no good to me if you are using it. Ffs.

Yabbers · 13/04/2019 00:38

@TheSandman

Completely irrelevant. But that might be the case for the few toilets you clean but I can promise you it is not the case for the vast majority of male toilets I've been in.

Flockingflamingo · 13/04/2019 00:40

No, they've always been unisex.

Again, disabled toilets are for people with disabilities.

I'm not making it something its not or something new which isn't. Up until the past few years I've only ever seen the internationally recognisable symbol for disabilities on accessible toilets (or baby change icons, which as I've said previously is poor form on the planning side of things).

YesQueen · 13/04/2019 00:45

I don't have DC but will and have happily watched a pram/baby for people who have asked outside the toilets

I have used disabled toilets but this was straight after an op and I needed the handles/aids in order to be able to stand and sit used the towel rail and sink at home as I had no core strength or leg sensation. I figured that was ok as temporary injury

Flockingflamingo · 13/04/2019 00:51

(To add, my issue is not with people requiring gender neutral spaces, I am all for it. My issue is when businesses slap a new sticker on a disabled toilet so they can say they provide the facility when actually they should have created a new bathroom for that purpose.)

CupcakeDrama · 13/04/2019 00:55

Theres no way on earth I would ask a stranger to watch my baby. would rather wet myself tbh!

TheSandman · 13/04/2019 00:57

@yabbers

I said 'messier' not dirtier. Possibly due to the larger number of small children being taken in there than into the men's, but the amount of toilet paper lying around on the floor is always larger. The disabled, on the other hand, (he said in a vague attempt to keep on topic) is always spotless. Due to the smaller footfall I guess.

nokidshere · 13/04/2019 01:32

It should be common sense.
I am disabled. I have a blue badge.
But I'm not in a wheelchair. So, I never take the nearest space when parking, cos someone needs it more than me

I am disabled, I have a blue badge, but I'm not in a wheelchair. So I always take the nearest space when parking because I need to be closer than someone who doesn't have to (isn't able to) walk to the store.

I very very rarely have to queue for a disabled toilet, but, if I do, I generally have to wait longer if there is a disabled person in it than a parent.

Yabbers · 13/04/2019 01:35

@TheSandman

A spotless disabled loo isn't something we see often. Very rare.

Yabbers · 13/04/2019 01:36

because I need to be closer than someone who doesn't have to (isn't able to) walk to the store.

I'm not a fan of disability too trumps, but don't assume a person in a wheelchair is more able to go longer distances. DD can't self propel for very long.

Yabbers · 13/04/2019 01:38

Up until the past few years I've only ever seen the internationally recognisable symbol for disabilities on accessible toilets

And thank goodness they moved away from that outdated view that disability = wheelchair.

OhDiddums · 13/04/2019 01:44

I have used the disabled toilet when I'm desperate and there has been no available other loo. As long as there's no other person needing it I don't think ybun.

nokidshere · 13/04/2019 01:50

because I need to be closer than someone who doesn't have to (isn't able to) walk to the store.

I'm not a fan of disability too trumps, but don't assume a person in a wheelchair is more able to go longer distances. DD can't self propel for very long

@Yabbers I know. I was just trying to show how ridiculous the poster sounded. We assume too much about everyone, disabled or not. No-one ever knows the full extent of someone else's life

Seahorseshoe · 13/04/2019 02:23

My son is 20, profoundly disabled (no speech, still in nappies, needs 2-1 care 24 hours a day) - going into a public area is a huge anxiety point for him. He's over 6 foot and we can have him literally fighting us, waiting to get into the disabled room. He doesn't understand the concept of waiting or, for example, Christmas!

If, on a rare occasion, we go out for the day, he will not venture from the car, we spend these days mainly in scenic car parks. He's scared of being in public, but we need to sort out his toileting so are quite firm about getting him to come to the disabled loos, we don't want him sore or dirty.

So it could be a huge problem for us.

If I had broken my leg and was in a wheelchair, for example, I'd have no problem waiting as I'd understand the conundrum you have.

Hope that makes sense. Regardless, it doesn't make you a bad person, the fact you're even thinking about it, makes you a good person.

sashh · 13/04/2019 02:44

Anyone can use the disabled toilet...it's for anyone's use..unfortunately it's the only toilet that disabled people can use...it's not solely for disabled people...how many times have you been to a toilet and had to wait a few mins..it's just the same if someone is using the disabled toilet..they may have to wait a minute or 2 for their turn

How often have you shit your self in that 2 mins wait? Or not been able to get out of bed the following day?

How often do you have to check there is a toilet you can use before you go into a cafe, pub,cinema etc?

You are a selfish git if you are using the accessible toilet just because.

OP

Absolutely you are OK taking a buggy in at Tesco, you need the access.

Topseyt · 13/04/2019 02:46

The public toilets in a town near us were replanned two or three years ago now. When they reopened afterwards they were a long row of, I think, maybe 10 toilet cubicles which are all easily large enough to comfortably get prams or pushchairs into.

When I first used the new facilities I thought I had accidentally gone into the disabled/accessible toilet and went back to check. No, I hadn't. They were all like that.

I was glad to see it. I wish they had been like that when my children were babies. It would have made life sooooo much easier. Back then though the only baby changer was shoved into a corner of the only disabled toilet. The old facilities were dire.

Some of the issues could be addressed by more adequate and thoughtful town planning, for everyone.

Willyoujustbequiet · 13/04/2019 03:12

Some absolutely ridiculous replies on this thread. Mothers with very young children expected to do the physically impossible whilst laying their offspring on filthy pee soaked floors just for the sake of a couple of minutes. Hmm

They are accessible toilets. Not disabled only. And I say that as a carer.

Breathingfire · 13/04/2019 05:49

In my local tesco I couldn't even get my pushchair into the ladies room nevermind a cubical. I had to take dd1 and had to leave dd2 wedged in the door to the corridor in the pushchair and it was a right stress. I've used the disabled one since when I've got them both

MrsMozartMkII · 13/04/2019 05:57

I used to take the buggy backwards into the normal cubicle. The buggy blocked anyone's view of my business end. Never had an issue.

OwlBeThere · 13/04/2019 06:09

@flocking
You’re going to have to explain to me the difference between a unisex toilet and a gender neutral toilet, because I’m failing to see the difference in any meaningful way. My friend who is transgender at 73 years old has been using the disabled loo for about 40 years for her physical safety in the men’s toilet and her fear of being abused or called a child molester in the ladies.
As I’ve said on my thread I’ve got crohns so if I need to use the bathroom I need to go immediately. I’m fortunate that I can use a regular toilet if the disabled one is in use, but I carry a radar key for places that tend to have huge queues for the regular ones.
The baby change thing is annoying, but you can’t blame parents for that, be angry at the planners not the people just trying to live their lives the same as you are.