Using a disabled loo.....

[countrymousesussex]

This is a weird one that I’m genuinely curious about, and it’s a situation I’ve found myself in a few times.

Being on maternity leave with a 4.5 month old, I am often out with the buggy. We live in a village so often am in a different town/village when shopping, running errands etc - so not close enough to nip home.

Today I was in a market town about 7 miles from our village, shopping. I was dying for the loo so I went into the baby change room at Tesco to find that there was no loo inside it. I then tried to get the buggy into the ladies but there was no room. Someone saw me struggling and said why didn’t I just use the disabled one as there was no one waiting and it has space for the buggy. I didn’t feel right doing this, so trekked in and out of coffee shops till I found one with a large enough loo to get the buggy in.

Was I being ridiculous to not use the disabled? In our village cafe I often leave the buggy in the main room while I nip to the loo and ask one of the girls that works there to keep an eye on the baby, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that anywhere else.

Parents with buggies, what would you have done?

Disabled people, would you have been really annoyed if I’d used the disabled?

I’m just interested to know if I was being a doughnut!

Genuine question Samcro given the fact that the changing places space we’re fitting is completely self-funded and hampered by planning constraints by the council, wouldn’t you rather it was there than not at all?

Right now there are two accessible loos - one in a Costa where you have to make a purchase to use them, and one in the library that isn’t open full time. BOTH of these are at the same end of town.

Our option does, at least, give an option for everybody that will be open longer.

There's a theatre I go to which has two ladies' toilets (ie two cubicles in total) for the whole auditorium. One is designated disabled, the other is not.

While the queue parts like the Red Sea to allow anyone who appears or claims to be disabled to go to the front of the queue for the disabled one, if everyone waited for the 'standard' toilet, leaving the disabled one empty, the interval would take forever.

If several people need the disabled toilet, as often happens, they have to wait, even though they are given priority over the general queue. I suppose if they all claimed that waiting was impossible or painful, they'd have to fight it out between them.

sosig, you grab the baby out of the pram. If the baby is newborn, you put them in a sling or (ugh) into a nest of cloths you'll shortly wash.

If the baby is moving but not standing, you either carry on with the sling or do extensive distraction, including letting them see you wear tampax. Shock!

If the baby is standing, you let them play with the lock and the loo roll dispenser.

It's not good for dignity, but surely it is the same as most of the rest of looking after a child?

You think I should carry a 1yo weighing nearly 2 stone in a sling? While changing sanpro and doing other toilet things? And no way am I putting my clothes on a pissy toilet floor, never mind lying my child on them!

JacquesHammer I would rather they were there and only for the people that need them, not people who can't work out how to use a toilet with a pram.

This is a bit like saying where there are steps and a wheelchair ramp, the buggy should be hauled up the steps and not use the ramp as that is there for wheelchairs.

I think the OP could use the loo.

Eurgh I remember having this problem often when mine were tiny - we have twins so even if you can leave the Pushchair outside (I've never successfully got the double pushchair into any general use female public toilets) there's no way you can safely hold two wriggly babies, pull down trousers / lift skirt and sort pants, wee, wipe, re dress, wash and dry hands properly.

I was really nastily shouted at about it when they were a few weeks old when I had no choice but to use the disabled loo.

I agree people take the piss (no pun intended), try and skip a bigger queue elsewhere or whatever and I wouldn't use them unless I couldn't access the other options but sometimes needs must.

I would rather they were there and only for the people that need them, not people who can't work out how to use a toilet with a pram

Did you read my posts? To reopen the public toilets (you know, public as in for everyone) we can only use a particular space, it has to be multi-use and self-funded.

So basically the option isn’t there for it to only be a changing places space.

So in this situation we are simply doing the best we can in response to a campaign by a local parent.

Honestly? It would have been far easier to have simply put in the two accessible toilets - they would have been open by now. But she would like somewhere in the town where her teen can be changed, and I think that’s pretty important.

im out. i have been on to many of these threads over the years to waste my time.
disabled toilets should be for disabled people(visible or not) not for parents who can work round normal toilet.
if you think a baby/child waiting a few mins is on par with an adult covered in shit and piss.......well !!

im out

Honestly I think that’s best if you aren’t going to read people’s posts properly.

It’s an emotive subject.

I don’t know how to say in simpler terms we CANNOT have a disabled only facility. The option is shared space or nothing. I don’t see nothing as an option, do you?

Having a baby isn’t a disability.

If your not disabled please don’t use the disabled toilet just because it’s a bit more convenient. For the person with a disability it is the only toilet they can use and not being able to access it for many could be very embarrassing.

TheSandman, Don’t you give women the option? I would have no problem using the ladies loo whilst you were in there cleaning/restocking

We get a lot of foreign visitors and my language skills aren't up to it. If one woman comes in, I'll point her at the disabled. If a coach arrives full of people with potentially different social cultural mores to those I'm used to and know how to navigate, I beat a hasty retreat and wait for my next window of opportunity.

It's simpler.

Bloody hell the attitudes here are depressing.

Here’s my experience from this week then I’m going to bed. Maybe it’ll make some people think twice and “just nipping in for 2 minutes”.

I took my DC to a farm/playground place on Wednesday this week. Oldest DS is 9 and has autism. He doesn’t give a lot of notice when he needs to go and suddenly he says to me that he needs a poo.

We find the toilets and there are the ladies, the mens, a baby changing room and the disabled. The disabled is occupied. We wait for 5 minutes. DS is getting more urgent about needing. I check the ladies and it’s full of 10/11/12 year old girls so doesn’t seem appropriate to take him in there. He is tall and looks at least 10 or 11 and I don’t want to make the girls uncomfortable. And I don’t want to embarrass my child as he knows he’s not meant to be in there. I can’t send him into the men’s as he still needs help. Only option is continue to wait for the disabled. We wait for another couple of minutes and still no one comes out.

Eventually the girls come out of the ladies, it’s empty in there and I take DS (who is almost tap dancing he’s so desperate) to the toilet, with him getting upset because he knows he’s too old to be in there. I leave my DD in the corridor outside and when I stick my head out to check she’s ok, I see a gran come out of the disabled with 2 young children.

Yes, I know I know, maybe they had a hidden disability too but given how many people on this thread think that it’s fine just to “nip in” and use the disabled if there’s no queue, I suspect she just wanted the extra space to take her grandkids to the toilet or the ladies had a queue and she didn’t fancy waiting.

She probably came out the toilet and thought “great, no disabled person waiting, no harm done”.

She didn’t see my son dancing as he waited for her to finish. She didn’t hear him repeating “hurry up, hurry up, mummy why are they taking so long”. And didn’t see his upset and embarrassment at having to use the ladies when he knew he shouldn’t have been in there.

It’s a toilet fought long and hard for by disabled people. It’s accessible so they can live a life outside of their homes just like everyone else. Please don’t use it if you are not disabled. Your baby is not a disability.

I used to use them. No way was I leaving my child unattended while I went for a wee. I have had to go with the door open so I could see my child at all times as some disabled toilets you need one of those keys to get in.

I think disabled toilets shouldn't be used by the able bodied unless absolutely necessary. As even if there is noone waiting many disabled people can't wait to use a toilet and therefore the disabled toilet needs to be available for them if atall possible.

When mine were babies I left the pram outside the toilets and took baby in with me unless there was a family room.

Jacques. I wish there were more like you. Yes your facility is multipurpose and in an ideal world they should not need to be but to raise money and push to get something suitable is amazing. I am sure everyone will appreciate it

just because it’s a bit more convenient
But it isn't just about it being a bit awkward. If you leave your pushchair abandoned some dick will report it as abandoned / nick your shopping. Holding a child in one arm whilst you wipe poo with another hand/change sanpro one handed is not hygienic. Holding twins whilst you do it is impossible. Doing it with a sudden bout of upset tummy even harder. Leaving the baby in the buggy outside the loo will result in some dick calling the Police or the kid screaming for the entire time and someone calling the Police. Putting the baby on the dirty pissy floor is not appropriate (and yes this does apply to older disabled kids and there should be a Changing Places facility in each town as a minimum).
I'm not against pulling buggy into the loo door and leaving the door ajar but DS has a larger buggy (provided for his medical needs) and doesn't always fit. He'll scream hysterically if I left him outside. Lots of toilets are designed so that you can't get the damn pushchair past the entrance. This included the toilets in the children's hospital!

Many many disabled toilets have the baby change in them so are dual use.

The disabled toilet is usually the only place with a changing table as well, so a multipurpose space. On this basis, I believe it is fine to use.

Jacques. I wish there were more like you. Yes your facility is multipurpose and in an ideal world they should not need to be but to raise money and push to get something suitable is amazing. I am sure everyone will appreciate it

Definitely not just me. Small part of a massive team effort! Hopefully they will be getting the final green light to start work soon.

The facility will also be manned, which hopefully will mean there will be less likelihood of abuse.

And available help if alarm cord pulled

Oh, and just for the record. The ladies' is ALWAYS messier than the men's. ALWAYS.

Holding a child in one arm whilst you wipe poo with another hand/change sanpro one handed is not hygienic
I don’t see how it’s even possible. Surely you need left hand to hold yourself open and right hand to insert sanpro? Left hand to hold the paper you’re using to wipe right hand clean? Then you can’t open the cubicle door with the right hand because it’s dirty.

It's an "accessible toilet" as in accessible to all

Oh FFS.

I can't believe people actually tell themselves this. It's an "accessible" toilet. For people who are unable to access other toilets. Not mums with peaks who can access other toilets if they weren't so damned precious.

A bit pedantic, but it's not even possible for for an accessible toilet to be accessible for all. There's always going to be someone with a conflicting access requirement.

Don't forget, many "accessible" toilets are gender neutral now too