Using a disabled loo.....

[countrymousesussex]

This is a weird one that I’m genuinely curious about, and it’s a situation I’ve found myself in a few times.

Being on maternity leave with a 4.5 month old, I am often out with the buggy. We live in a village so often am in a different town/village when shopping, running errands etc - so not close enough to nip home.

Today I was in a market town about 7 miles from our village, shopping. I was dying for the loo so I went into the baby change room at Tesco to find that there was no loo inside it. I then tried to get the buggy into the ladies but there was no room. Someone saw me struggling and said why didn’t I just use the disabled one as there was no one waiting and it has space for the buggy. I didn’t feel right doing this, so trekked in and out of coffee shops till I found one with a large enough loo to get the buggy in.

Was I being ridiculous to not use the disabled? In our village cafe I often leave the buggy in the main room while I nip to the loo and ask one of the girls that works there to keep an eye on the baby, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that anywhere else.

Parents with buggies, what would you have done?

Disabled people, would you have been really annoyed if I’d used the disabled?

I’m just interested to know if I was being a doughnut!

I'm starting to understand why the radar key scheme exists.

LittleChristmasMouse

If the changing facilities were in the regular ladies toilets I would use them. They are not.

FWIW I'm not talking about an able bodied person using the accessible toilet because they can't be bothered to walk further or wait in line.

For the most part, we are talking about people with young children being able to use the toilet with both hands (not holding a baby) and being able to shut the door, or making sure their pram is not stolen or not having to leave their child unsupervised in the pram around the corner.

How anyone can begrudge these people use of an appropriate toilet is beyond me.

I have in fact used my radar key to let a lady into a toilet with a desperate toddler can’t see the problem myself

@LittleChristmasMouse
Now you’re just being obtuse.
I mean get into the real world.

Radar keys are a good idea, you can buy one on amazon. So anyone who needs one should buy one.

I'm in agreement with lots of other posters, fine to use in circumstances as you describe. I don't think anyone would agree from a safeguarding point of view that it's better to leave your baby or children unattended. I have two slightly older boys and I often take them into the disabled loo, as it's safer than letting them go into the men's alone.

The changing facilities in a disability/accessible toilet are not for women and babies. They are for disabled people and their carers who need continence pads changing
A 2ft long changing table with a 15kg weight limit is for disabled people, is it? There must be some pretty small disabled people where you live...

The change tables in UK accessible toilets are for babies to be changed on, they are put their because those toilets have the space for them and single sex toilets often don't. Larger establishments may have baby change facilities in the single sex toilets although DH was very often directed to the accessible toilet because the men's had no change facilities.

There, not their.

@SuperSara - some toilets are only accessible toilets, but many others are shared facilities with baby change. If you see people using an accessible toilet when there's a baby change facility next door, then it's probably reasonable to be annoyed (although maybe the mum needs the handles due to a disability of her own). When they are shared facilities then sorry but that's just how it is; a disabled person needs it sometimes, but so does a parent with a baby sometimes because that's the only option they fit in and it's designated for them. The shared one I mostly use I have only once seen used by a disabled person, otherwise it's all mums with pushchairs. I will not leave a one year old to cry in his pushchair in a restaurant every week while I go down a corridor then down some steps and then on the other side of two doors, one locked, just on the off chance that someone disabled turns up that day and needs the toilet at that exact time. Quite apart from the fact that I change DS's nappy then too, so apparently you think I'm to ignore the baby change facility, carry DS leaving the pushchair and bags behind and put him on a narrow, cold, hard, (dirty) toilet floor in the corridor outside the ladies cubicles to change him while he wriggles. Then I just don't wipe my bum because I don't have the strength and mobility while holding him. Meanwhile that toilet is still empty and says it's for baby change. People would rightly think I was crazy. I'd hope everyone would give someone disabled priority if there was a queue, but this one doesn't have queues.

If there were queues of disabled people regularly anywhere then it would be worth arguing for an accessible toilet or an extra shared facility, but I haven't personally seen a gap. I'm more concerned that shared facilities aren't always fit for use with a basic shared facility toilet having a bar and turning space in front of the toilet, alarm cable and a changing tray. For a start there are hardly any toilets for carers of young adults, who they need quite different facilities to the basic ones and whose facilities shouldn't be shared because they could be damaged.

FFS I have the choice of one toilet to meet my needs and to be able to access with my wheelchair. I also need the changing facilities with my carer. Yes there may be another disabled person in front of me, again who needs to access the only available facilities that are for our use. You can use a number of toilets. I don’t have a choice but you do.

If I could ever walk again I would never use the disabled toilets just because I couldn’t be assed to wait in a queue. I wouldn’t hold up someone who’s life is difficult enough because I should be able to use any toilet I like. It I called having some compassion to people like me who have had their choices ripped away from them.

Other disabled people may not mind that non disabled people use the disabled accessible toilet, but other disabled people like myself do mind.

The change tables in UK accessible toilets are for babies to be changed on

Yes - this is the whole reason for the "changing places" campaign www.changing-places.org/ - there aren't enough changing facilities for older people with disabilities. But that does not mean that parents with young children should not use the baby changing space in an accessible loo. That's kind of the point of the word "accessible" - for those who cannot get into the smaller spaces.

Loos protected with a RADAR key are a different sort of thing, although I've seen often enough on MN that they keys are easy to come by. Maybe you should have to have a blue badge or be claiming a disability benefit to get one.

@Maddiemademe

I get where you are coming from but...

It's not just a case of not being able to want to wait in a queue.

There are people who can't wait. For decades I had a bladder condition that was painful and some days I needed the loo every 20 minutes. Going out was a nightmare and sometimes I didn't go out for fear of not finding a loo.

To anyone looking on, I looked healthy.

If there was a queue of 6 women waiting for 1 or 2 toilets, and the accessible loo was free, with no one in sight wanting it, is that wrong to use it? Statistically, the chances of using the accessible loo for 2 minutes and someone in a wheelchair turning up are quite low.

But please understand that even though people look able bodied, they maybe have a condition you can't see.

@havingtochangeusername which would cut out all the people who need accessible toilets but don't claim or (very likely) don't qualify for those.

@havingtochangeusername

There are people who look able-bodied but who have bowel disease like IBS and have sudden bouts of diarrhoea, and people with bladder conditions where they cannot wait.

They do not qualify as disabled or have blue badges etc.

But life for them is a nightmare if they need a loo quickly. People with these conditions can have a terrible quality of life and going out anyway is planned around toilets.

To find one with a queue of 10 people is their worst nightmare if they are desperate.

Please have some understanding of bowel and bladder conditions that do not affect mobility but which do make people's lives very , very stressful when out .

I give up.

@Maddiemademe
Perhaps you should stop just deciding why you think people need to use the accessible toilet. Not one person here has said it’s because they’re lazy and can’t be arsed to queue.

Some people in life are caring and compassionate and others aren’t. Some people try and see all points of views and others stick to their rigid mentality. Being disabled doesn’t seem to make you different from everyone else in that regard.

me is right, there are only three basic groups who have come on the this thread and said they use accessible toilets, people who have identified as having a disability, people who identified as having a medical need for speedy access to a toilet or people who have identified they need the larger space to be able to access a toilet. In addition there are the the people who need to access the toilet as it is where the baby change has been put.
No one has said they just can't be bothered waiting for a single sex cubicle to become available, in each case the accessible toilet forfills a need for that person.

Who ever said about Radar keys up thread, they are sold widely on EBay and we were given one by our local twins and multiples group when ours were born as double pushchairs seldom fit anywhere else - it's not just those with disabilities who have them.

I bought a radar key off of Ebay (time for the Haters to Rev up). Was jolly useful on occasion.

I mentioned the radar scheme because I would think people who just can't be bothered waiting or use the disabled loo when the ladies is busy are less likely to go to the bother of acquiring one.

Any idea why there aren't queues of disabled ppl everywhere? Bingo!
It's hard for us to get about, no (well few then) allowances are made for this and ppl keep using the disability friendly spaces that do exist for their precious bloody children. Just remind the little ppl to have a wee before you leave home, and after lunch, and before you leave when you go home.

@Missingstreetlife
You’re about as deluded about parents and children as others are of disabilities

We have this issue at work. At any one time, there can be a large mixture of wheelchair users, those with a hidden disability and pregnant ladies coupled with long lines in the regular toilets.

My issue is we are instructed to let anyone use the 'disabled' toilets as they can have a hidden disability.

As many previous posters have pointed out... the toilets are designed for those with accessibility needs, not disability needs.

As for the OP's original question, mums with buggies absolutely have accessibility needs and should not feel ashamed to use accessible toilets.

That being said... I would always allow fro less able-bodies people to take priority.

Haha! I’ll remind my 9 month old to have her explosive poo before we leave home 😂😂

I would never use a disabled toilet if there was an alternative but so often there isn’t. And baby changing tables with nappy bins underneath are definitely meant for changing babies!

I agree there should be more facilities available ( and don’t get me started on them only being in women’s toilets either) but until then we should all just be considerate towards each other, and not make judgements about people whose situations we don’t know.

If you are using a radar key and not disabled shame on you - if you need to use that bathroom call for the radar key and let those who medically need one use the bathroom first.
I have a key because my mum is in a wheelchair, I’ve never used it for myself and I have a medical issue.