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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Using a disabled loo.....

368 replies

countrymousesussex · 12/04/2019 19:10

This is a weird one that I’m genuinely curious about, and it’s a situation I’ve found myself in a few times.

Being on maternity leave with a 4.5 month old, I am often out with the buggy. We live in a village so often am in a different town/village when shopping, running errands etc - so not close enough to nip home.

Today I was in a market town about 7 miles from our village, shopping. I was dying for the loo so I went into the baby change room at Tesco to find that there was no loo inside it. I then tried to get the buggy into the ladies but there was no room. Someone saw me struggling and said why didn’t I just use the disabled one as there was no one waiting and it has space for the buggy. I didn’t feel right doing this, so trekked in and out of coffee shops till I found one with a large enough loo to get the buggy in.

Was I being ridiculous to not use the disabled? In our village cafe I often leave the buggy in the main room while I nip to the loo and ask one of the girls that works there to keep an eye on the baby, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that anywhere else.

Parents with buggies, what would you have done?

Disabled people, would you have been really annoyed if I’d used the disabled?

I’m just interested to know if I was being a doughnut!

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 13/04/2019 11:13

The disabled toilets are also family rooms with change tables, if I have the pram I use them. I have been told off, but I pointed out they are all for family use. A disabled person still may have to wait as another disabled person may be using it, if someone can't wait they need to plan ahead as there could be many reasons they can't immediately access the toilet.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 13/04/2019 11:21

Dh has to use it if there's no family toilets and he has one or both dds needing to go. what do other mixed sex families do in this situation? I always took my boys into the ladies.

SuperSara · 13/04/2019 11:42

I honestly can’t believe how many people think ‘accessible’ toilets are so called because they are in a larger cubicle/room and not because the toilet itself is specially positioned/designed for use by people with mobility issues!

Accessible toilets are not there for anyone who just thinks the extra room will be handy!

Do we really have to go back to naming them “Disabled WC” to try to put entitled fuckers off?

Jesus Christ.

lljkk · 13/04/2019 11:50

I have impression... disabled access loos are counted in the toilet toilets for a building (by planners or architects). So if the building is expected to house 100 workers, that might require (making up the base number) 14 toilet cubicles, of which 1 on each floor must be disabled access. 2 stories -> 2 disabled access toilets, and 12 others (perhaps 3 male & 3 female on each floor).

So the disabled access toilet count is expected to be part of the total. Whether or not anyone working in the building requires accessible is not relevant to the total building will provide. The accessible ones are expected to be available to total workforce in order to make up the desired total, not reserved for only disabled persons.

IvanaPee · 13/04/2019 12:15

@SuperSara in a majority of places they are for everyone though. Whether you think they should be or not.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 13/04/2019 12:18

I think they ARE for everyone too, but good manners dictate that they are your last choice. I need the disabled loos though so I guess it doesn’t matter if I’ve got the wrong end of the stick.

Missingstreetlife · 13/04/2019 12:24

Disability is not just mobility issues. Lots of other reasons for needing disabled loo. Happy to share with someone who may be incontinent, or can't queue, isn't that a disability issue? Being a child or parent isn't. Fight for your own space. As for no one needing the toilet when you look around, not the point, they may need it 2 minutes later. If you can't make proper provision with your kids don't go out. That's what I have to do if no disabled loo.

Redpriestandmozart · 13/04/2019 12:34

In no way is this related to the OP, just giving an example of why some people in a wheelchair come to hate prams.

I was in my chair, I was maneuvering the disabled toilet door open (they are often very heavy opening outwards) I reserving one-handed pulling the door open so I could go in, when out of nowhere came a mother with a pram who sailed on through, thanked me and slammed the door in my face! Furious does not even come close!

Merrymumoftwo · 13/04/2019 12:44

AltogetherAndrews of my two children one has visible disabilities the other hidden so I know both sides of the argument. My child with hidden disabilities is far the worse affected so no I tend not to judge until I get the usual annoying and prejudice comments “you should keep her at home” occasionally it has been accompanied by “I needed to go in there to change my baby” and the really rude have told me “how dare you use it. It’s for parents not people like you!” When I explain she is disabled I got a mouthful of abuse. So those people I judge not because they needed to use what maybe the one baby change, although had a couple of occasions when we where in a big shopping centre and nearby was a well equipped family room with a toilet! But because they were rude abusive about my child using the facilities I think that gives me the right to judge. Still waiting for someone to explain why so many parents won’t fight for decent facilities?

LittleChristmasMouse · 13/04/2019 12:53

Presumably the numbers of accessible toilets are worked out in proportion to need? Clearly there are far more parents with little children and babies than there are people with a disability.

If you say that accessible toilets are always for not only people with a disability but also for parents with a child in a pram plus parents with children of the opposite sex too, then clearly the number of accessible toilets is nowhere near enough and people with a disability may well have no choice at all as to what toilet they use.

IvanaPee · 13/04/2019 12:54

Why would you assume I’m making things up? You do know there’s a world outside of the UK?

IvanaPee · 13/04/2019 12:55

Anyway, if you want to be pedantic;

SOME places they are for everyone. Besides, you’ve no way of knowing that someone does or doesn’t have a disability! You literally cannot know that.

Merrymumoftwo · 13/04/2019 13:00

OP thank you for showing consideration and being so thoughtful it truly makes a difference to know there are those like you who do think about others.
Jacques thank you for taking time and effort to help fight for facilities and for the additional security and peace of mind that comes from it being staffed.

Flockingflamingo · 13/04/2019 13:11

Disabled toilets are for disabled people of any gender, hence unisex. Gender neutral toilets are not about disability.

Jux · 13/04/2019 13:21

I'm disabled. I wouldn't mind you using it as long as you were quick - otherwise there'd be a pool of wee all over the floor! Just bear in mind that there are people who really can't squeeze into the other loos and that the disabled loos ARE for disabled people, I think they're legislated for, not just a courtesy (like p&c spaces, baby change units etc).

MagicKingdomDizzy · 13/04/2019 13:33

SarahAndQuack

(Sounding like a broken record, but) what on earth stops you leaving the pram outside?

Pram being stolen or sleeping baby?

MagicKingdomDizzy · 13/04/2019 13:36

Also, pretty shocked at some of the comments on a parenting site about having to hold a baby whilst using the toilet. Are you for real??

I would use a disabled/accessible toilet if I had my baby with me and no one else was waiting for it.

If that makes me an asshole, then I can live with that. FFS.

dreichuplands · 13/04/2019 14:00

When I had twins the only toilet I could access usually was the accessible one, usually it also had a baby change in it.
In real life I never once had a tut or a negative comment because people could see the practical issues I was dealing with. They were kind and helpful not confrontational and difficult.
Nowadays none of us would use an accessible toilet because we don't need to, it really is that simple.
If you need the space use it, if you don't then don't.

Ribbonsonabox · 13/04/2019 14:12

A large number of women with new born babies have bladder issues dont they. I certainly did after extensive tearing with my first. It's not easy to hold on to traipsed about to find non disabled toilet cubicles which will fit you in. As I said up thread I couldn't even fit in some cubicles with my baby in its carrier. Couldn't fit in some cubicles when I was pregnant.
But we are just supposed to piss ourselves or not leave the house because disabled cubicles are only for those with blue badges?!?
They are very clearly for ANYONE who actually NEEDS to use them.... so yes for heavily pregnant people, people with bladder/incontinence issues, people temporarily injured on crutches with casts etc
Not every disability is even visible.
If you can use the other cubicles you certainly should. But if you cannot for whatever reason, even if it's that they are too small for you to fit in whilst holding your baby, then you certainly can use the disabled cubicles as that IS what they are for... so people can actually go about their lives and not worry about pissing themselves!!

SuperSara · 13/04/2019 14:13

Pram being stolen or sleeping baby?

Honestly? The fact a baby is asleep now trumps the needs of disabled people to have access to a toilet provided specifically for them?

The mind boggles.

ThinkingNotSpeaking · 13/04/2019 14:16

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Jux · 13/04/2019 14:17

I used to take the pram and park it in the cubicle doorway where I could see it and then just pee with the door open or as partly closed as it could be while still being able to see dd etc. So what if other eople an see me, they know what I'm doing and are there to do it themselves, who cares? No one actually WATCHED.

ThinkingNotSpeaking · 13/04/2019 14:18

Also how on earth would anyone do a poo, change a tampon/sanitary pad etc whilst holding a baby?
And why on earth should someone lose their dignity by peeing or pooing with the door open. Ridiculous, selfish and plain malicious attitude.

MagicKingdomDizzy · 13/04/2019 14:19

SuperSara

*Honestly? The fact a baby is asleep now trumps the needs of disabled people to have access to a toilet provided specifically for them?

The mind boggles.*

If the accessible toilet is empty without a queue and my baby is asleep? Absolutely I would use it.

It's sometimes not possible to get a pram in the women's toilet, and I'm not going to wake a sleeping baby so I can try to hold them with great difficulty whilst I try to use the toilet with one hand, on the off chance that whilst I'm in there for 30 seconds a person with a disability might possibly show up.

Madness. Sometimes you have to use your common sense.