To ask you what parenting anxieties really weren't worth worrying about...?

[hidinginthetoiletagain]

I am currently in potty training Hell.... I spend an unreasonable amount of time discussing poo and pee and it seems to occupy a ridiculous amount of my time and energy... I am hoping that in 6 months I will wonder what on earth I was making such a fuss about....? I guess it'll either happen eventually (or it won't).

I used to worry about my daughter's weight, she was very sturdy and ate healthily but in large quantities... Everyone said she would beanpole at 3 and she has! The hours ~weeks~ I wasted worrying about that...

Strike out fail!

DS1 has bad food allergies and I worried myself sick because he was so skinny.

He was under 2 and still in nappies when DD was born.

The first time I changed his nappy when I got home from hospital I stopped worrying about his weight - his enormous fat backside compared with DD's tiny little red one like a baby bird was enough to convince me all was well!

I used to worry a stupid amount about why my DD wasnt eating. I was desperate for her to start eating at around 6/7 months and she just wasnt having any of it.

Cant believe I spent so long tearing my hair out over it, should have just let her eat in her own time

Didn’t want to use a dummy, but eventually did. Then she wouldn’t stop using so was worried she’d never stop. She’s 12 now and hasn’t used it for years

Breastfeeding versus bottle feeding - yes, I'm (as it were) biting . Breastfeed if you can but if after several weeks your nipples are producing more blood than milk, every second is agony and your baby's weight is dropping off the chart, please don't feel bad about bottle feeding. Honestly when they get to 18, who's going to care?

Not taking them to Jo Jingles or baby massage or preschool Mandarin classes. Or, come to that, baby swimming. Some babies hate it and there's no harm in waiting till 6 or 7 to learn to swim.

Reading levels competitiveness. As long as their reading is fit for purpose by secondary age it doesn't matter whether they were on free reading by six and a half or whether they were still plodding on level 9 in year 4.

All primary school top-table competitiveness. Kids need to be good enough to learn and access the teaching. They don't need to become obsessed with grades and stars and rewards.

Popularity. Parents don't need to be the most popular at the school gate and kids need to learn about healthy friendships, not being cool.

I spent months worrying that dd2 would never walk. Dd1 did it at 11 months and dd2 finally got there at 16 months. For some reason I thought that they should both walk at the same age

Embarrassingly I actually work in paediatric health and for years have spouted on to parents about how they should try not to worry and just 'enjoy' their lovely children etc. etc. I feel like can hear my own stupid, annoying voice saying this every time I worry myself sick over something over which I have very little control... I mean it's true of course, but now I say it with a bit more understanding of just how bloody difficult that is!

Breastfeding. Anxiety caused by NHS boorish and dictatorial Approach

Most.

The only one that really ensures is the anxiety about one of them dying.

Other than than the others are a waste of energy.

*endures

Breast feeding. Tummy time. Weaning. Potty training. All of it basically.

Practically all of them. And i’m sorry to have to tell you that the baby/child worries pale into insignificance compared to the worries when they are out in the world......

Absolutely none of them are worth worrying about, except my MIL’s paedophile partner (yes, he is actually a paedo). We have nothing to do with him and little to do with her. Otherwise, the rest of it was no big deal. It’s easier second time around!

With my first DC, I listen to people telling me that she should be potty trained by a certain point. That led to a lot of anxiety and wet floors.
With my following four children I allowed them to tell me when they were ready. I never used a potty and all were toilet ready by pre-school. Boys took longer than the girls but that was ok.

Speech/Schooling with my first, comparing reading levels, sats results etc. I was much more relaxed with the next four. They all developed at different points but have all done well overall and have their specialisms.

Weight, sleep patterns, sniffles, organic food, packaged food, developmental milestones, etc etc etc

By child 3 I barely even flickered.
Learning to truest yourself, your child and accepting her/him for the individual s/he is... Hard lesson to learn but it made life much more sensible

Just about everything to do with my precious first born DS, he lurches from one catastrophe to the next and the amount of emotional energy I’ve poured into his dramas is unreal.
He’s a strapping 13 yr old now, and still a drama llama. I’m still trying (and failing) to not get dragged into his emotional whirlpool. It’s exhausting. I wish he would just grunt and eat like a stereotypical teenage boy!!

All the first steps towards independence. First day of school, first cub scout camp, first time walking alone to school, first time home alone, first day of secondary school, first hike without adults, first time catching public transport alone. You feel anxious the day before, then afterwards they suddenly seem to have grown up overnight.

Second time around I’m less worried about feeding but dreading the mess and hassle of weaning. Am currently also in the thick of potty training, which is hell. I am also anxious that DD just gets plonked down all the time when I deal with DS if he’s there or run about doing a million chores if he’s not. Not enough books, not enough tummy time, not enough singing etc. Not helped by the fact that she’s way behind him developmentally. Then with him I worry that he’d be happier at home with me every day than going to nursery a lot of the time but then I’d have even less time with DD and she limits the activities I can do with DS, it’s loose loose. Parenting so far (and I think forever) is one long guilt trip.

All of the small shit.

When they die, you’ll realise how little it all mattered and just wish you’d hugged them more and held them close.

Golly. This has brought home how much I worried about DD that turned out to be a waste!
Would she ever smile?
Would she ever get teeth?
Do I take her to enough clubs?
Should I stop working full time?
Would she ever crawl?
Would she ever walk?
Would she ever talk?
Should I go back to working full time?
My current ones are around eating and the fact she still dribbles constantly despite being two.

Everything, pretty much. They're in their 30s now and I look back at the things that seemed to matter SO much 30 years ago, and wonder why I wasted so much time and energy over them.

Of course, now they're fully formed adults. I look back at things I DO wish I'd done differently. They of course, weren't the things I worried about back then!

Dds seemingly small appetite worried me sick - later learned she can't eat large amounts in one go due to disability but she learned to graze/have 5-6 smaller meals through the day, now there's no bloody feeding her! She's 18 still disabled and doesn't eat big meals in one go but all those small meals and snacks mount up! Her chubbier friends are envious as she can eat what she likes and is still a size 8 but that's again due to the disability as it means she has a higher metabolism too.

Potty training - took FOREVER because she HATED using the loo, of course it clicked at a certain point and she was fine, I had genuine concerns I'd be sending her to school in nappies at one point. I didn't have to.

"And i’m sorry to have to tell you that the baby/child worries pale into insignificance compared to the worries when they are out in the world......" Oh god don't say that! Dd on the verge and I'm dreading it!

How on earth my mother isn't a nervous wreck with me (always highly strung), brother (daredevil/adrenaline addict) and sis (nightmare in many ways but also a bit of a daredevil plus major speech impediment)

Bankofenglandfiver

God yes DrWhy literally everything you said! My daughter is three and I'm about 8 months into maternity leave with my little boy. No one prepared me for the guilt of siblings!

Most of it 🤷🏻‍♀️. Feeding/sleeping/routines/weaning/talking/potty training.... as every stage passes with my eldest I wonder why the hell I was so stressed about it! DC3 is 13 weeks and so far I’m a million times less stressed about everything with him. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve learned my lesson or just because with a 5 year old and 3 year old aswell as a baby I just haven’t got the time or energy to stress?!

I was soooo stressed about lack of tummy time and was obsessively doing that exercise with DS where they lie on their backs and you pull them up by their arms and their head is meant to come up and not lag behind. I had myself convinced that he was autistic because of this head lag 🙄 Now he's 2 and there are other things to be stressing about now!!