Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you what parenting anxieties really weren't worth worrying about...?

97 replies

hidinginthetoiletagain · 12/04/2019 17:03

I am currently in potty training Hell.... I spend an unreasonable amount of time discussing poo and pee and it seems to occupy a ridiculous amount of my time and energy... I am hoping that in 6 months I will wonder what on earth I was making such a fuss about....? I guess it'll either happen eventually (or it won't).

I used to worry about my daughter's weight, she was very sturdy and ate healthily but in large quantities... Everyone said she would beanpole at 3 and she has! The hours ~weeks~ I wasted worrying about that...

OP posts:
TickTockBaby · 12/04/2019 21:36

I was a terrible failure at BF and as a result my DD lost a lot of weight after. From that point on I was OBSESSED with her weight.

I pushed food on her and worried incessantly about what and how much she was eating.

She is now a healthy robust 3 yr old.

If I was to do it again, I'd say be calm, love them, make sure food and water are available to them, make sure there is gin in the cupboard!

crosser62 · 12/04/2019 21:44

With 10 years between mine I was a neurotic wreck with my 1st.

2nd time round not at all and life is SO much easier.

I think that because I do everything how and when I want to do it with everyone’s opinion going on one ear and rapidly out the other with no time or energy to give even one fuck about what any one else thinks, I am easy.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 12/04/2019 21:44

Totally agree with chopinin10minuets!!

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 12/04/2019 21:47

Chiararimini I really needed to read that about the handwriting! Thank you Smile

BertrandRussell · 12/04/2019 21:50

I have much older siblings. When my mum was about 85 she confided in me that she was worrying about my brother “because his memory certainly isn’t as good as it was- I do worry about Altzheimer’s”

Drogosnextwife · 12/04/2019 21:50

Apart from bad things happening to them or them being bullied, not much really. That makes me feel like a shit mum because maybe I don't worry enough about the small stuff 😞.

Echobelly · 12/04/2019 21:52

Any illnesses in babies if they don't have a temperature and are eating and weeing/pooing fine,

Siameasy · 12/04/2019 21:58

Everything at the time🙈
Felt guilty trying to get her to take a dummy when she was under the jaundice lamp
Felt smug later that she was a dummy rejector
Then felt cheated later that I’d spent so much time angsting over a dummy because she was waking up every 30 mins and why didn’t I force her to take one?! 😣🔫
She probably never was going to take a dummy as she is extremely stubborn and has always done the opposite to what I want her to do.

Asta19 · 12/04/2019 22:00

When my mum was about 85 she confided in me that she was worrying about my brother

I totally get that. I had both my kids by the time I was 21 so if I make it to my 80s they will be in their 60s, all being well. But I can certainly imagine I would be a lot more concerned for their health than mine!

MatchSetPoint · 12/04/2019 22:01

Talking, my eldest son didn’t talk much, he’s now five and doesn’t know how to be quiet or talk with an ‘inside voice’, he talks to himself on the toilet, he sings constantly and drives me mad with his questions.

SoyDora · 12/04/2019 22:03

Worrying about exact room temperature and sleeping suit/sleeping bag thickness.... just use your common sense! On my second now and threw away the room thermometer

I’m on baby number 3 and haven’t even given these things a thought Blush. Had a gro egg and everything with my first. This time round it hasn’t entered my consciousness. If he was too cold I’m sure he’d cry, if he was too hot I reckon I’d notice by touching him.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 12/04/2019 22:04

Reading these replies I can't help but think that whatever stage you are in, then the anxieties about previous stages blur into nothingness...

I mean I was fully obsessed with breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby massage, BLW etc and it was exhausting!

Now that's all past I am still exhausted but loving all the cuddles because I know that one day they won't get up in the morning and hop into my bed for a snuggle.

I worry about what they eat / don't eat. What makes them angry / happy/ sad / how much telly they watch/ how active they are/ what they hear in the news..,and trying to make sure they can always talk to me about everything.

I find it funny that friends with younger kids are still torturing themselves still breastfeeding way longer than I did, but I get it - they are just too exhausted to make a change.

I have a stroppy, clever, kind, loving, angry, happy, silly, funny pre-teen and a slightly younger little one who thinks he's about 25! Both are loving, clever and way too cheeky on occasion.

Sometimes I swear very loudly! But my goodness every stage so far has been amazing. Love them to pieces. And I can't see the worry, the love or the wonder of it all changing ever 😊

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 12/04/2019 22:06

Ha ha yes! at the room temperature & sleeping bag thickness 🙄🙄🙄🙄

dementedma · 12/04/2019 22:08

Fussy eating. Dd2 was a nightmare and had an embarrassingly restricted diet. Now 24, healthy gym bunny, loves all food and is an amazing and inventive cook. All that worry for nothing.

NewAccount270219 · 12/04/2019 22:13

Reading these replies I can't help but think that whatever stage you are in, then the anxieties about previous stages blur into nothingness...

You also know that it turned out ok, which you don't know about whatever you're worrying about right now, so inherently the latter seems worse

Bertrand I did think that about my mum's 'I'll stop when you're 50' - presumably being a parent to a 50 year old is potentially really quite worrying, depending on their health. My uncle had a heart attack that they initially thought he wouldn't survive when he was about 50 and I'm pretty sure that must have been the most worried my grandparents (both still alive then) had or would ever be.

WindsweptEgret · 13/04/2019 06:17

My great grandmother lost two of her sons to heart attacks in their 40s, I think I will still worry when mine is 50.

whiteroseredrose · 13/04/2019 07:03

I used to worry that DS would get married still using a dummy and DD still using a bottle!

Roomba · 13/04/2019 07:43

The fussy eating battles. The hours we spent trying to cajole DS1 into eating something that wasn't plain boiled pasta. My ex would keep him at the table for ages nagging him, then would get cross about it. So I'd row with him about it saying he'd just give DS a complex. The worry about vitamin deficiencies.

It's hilarious really, given that at 13 DS is almost 6ft tall, is often mistaken for being a sixth former, and never stops eating for England! That boy eats 5x what I eat, and will eat absolutely anything. Apart from beans. He never did get used to beans.

Roomba · 13/04/2019 07:50

Talking, my eldest son didn’t talk much, he’s now five and doesn’t know how to be quiet or talk with an ‘inside voice’, he talks to himself on the toilet, he sings constantly and drives me mad with his questions.

Yep, that was DS1 too. Barely uttered a word before 3 and not much after that for a while. Referrals to speech therapists and months of worry. By 5/6 he could talk 24/7 without pausing for breath (especially about Ben bloody 10 and the Forever Knights Grin). He'd sing himself to sleep, talk in his sleep, a teacher asked me if he ever shut up and everyone commented on his large vocabulary. At 13, he's entered the slightly grumpy, quieter stage. Luckily I have DS2, 6, who talks even more than DS1 did, to talk AT me all day instead Grin

Askingstupidquestions123 · 13/04/2019 08:06

Bonding/ attachment.

Some people will try to convince you that the mother/ child bond is the most fragile thing in the world and that it won't happen unless you follow, to the letter, the correct course of vaginal birth, immediate skin-to-skin, exclusive breastfeeding, constant presence, babywearing, bed-sharing, BLW, etc. I used to cry so hard after talking to smug local mummies who'd say that c-sections are really traumatic for babies but not to worry, DD would very likely get over the emotional trauma. Or when they looked appalled if I let slip something about DD's cot and said they'd never owned one, because mummy's arms are the natural place for a baby. All that crying was such a waste of energy. Three years on, there's absolutely no detectable difference between our kids when it comes to how happy, secure and bonded they are. We all made perfectly valid choices that worked for us, and that's great.

Jinglejanglefish · 13/04/2019 08:14

Askingstupidquestions123

Absolutely. NCT bloody went on and on about immediate skin to skin which we couldn't do because DD wasn't breathing then rushed off to neo natal. I am not worried about our bond one bit.

Askingstupidquestions123 · 13/04/2019 08:30

Jinglejanglefish - I'm sorry that you had such a terrifying time with your DD! And yes, it makes me furious. One of my close friends had PND (thankfully relatively mild), and one of the contributing factors was undoubtedly her fears that her relationship with her DS was ruined forever because he'd been rushed away for urgent treatment as a newborn. Yet there never was a little boy more in love with his mother.

aliceelizaloves · 13/04/2019 08:36

My two are only 1 and 3 and already so much. I also hated the idea of potty training but looking back it was very easy after the first few days and now so much easier and more pleasant than nappies. Also feeding to sleep. I was told by everyone not to do it but it just felt natural and was the only way to get my son to sleep gently. He weaned hjmself at 1.5 and now he is a great sleeper. Eating like you. My son refused to eat loads for ages but is now a very good eater, healthy and a good weight. Pushing. We went through hell for a few months at about 2.5 where my son hit or pushed every time we went to a playgroup.we had to stop going for a while. He is now a sweet and gentle boy most of the time.

Silversun83 · 13/04/2019 08:52

@drwhy - also ditto everything you've said!! DD is nearly 3 and takes up soooo much of my time and energy when she's here and when she's not, I spend more time doing housework. DS is now 13 months and only recently cruising (DD took first steps at 11 months and was walking confidently at 13). However, I will say that compared to DD, DS is sooooo chilled out and relaxed and is happy to occupy himself just exploring things so maybe it's good to sometimes let them be? I think I went overboard with DD and was intense making sure she was entertained/stimulated all the time and she is so high-maintemance now a lot of the time so maybe there is a link!

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 13/04/2019 09:02

A years worth of intrusive thoughts about how I might somehow get an urge to drop him off a balcony or over a bridge.
Gripping the buggy extra tight walking over any pavement over ground level. Hmm

Thanks for that-baby hormones!

Also, the amount of emotional energy spent on the possibility that "social services will take them away"
SS have been involved twice. Twice it was resolved by a quick chat and case closed.
Fucks sake, my brain!