To ask you what parenting anxieties really weren't worth worrying about...?

[hidinginthetoiletagain]

I am currently in potty training Hell.... I spend an unreasonable amount of time discussing poo and pee and it seems to occupy a ridiculous amount of my time and energy... I am hoping that in 6 months I will wonder what on earth I was making such a fuss about....? I guess it'll either happen eventually (or it won't).

I used to worry about my daughter's weight, she was very sturdy and ate healthily but in large quantities... Everyone said she would beanpole at 3 and she has! The hours ~weeks~ I wasted worrying about that...

Oh juice me too! And worries that I would accidentally throw her down the stairs/out the window. Awful.

Mine was routines. When DD went to stay at my Mums for the first time I made her write down exactly what milk she drank, at what time, whether she had done a wee or poo and exactly what sleep she had. It is testament to my Mum that she didn't give me a really good shake, and instead just wrote me a nice diary.

Now DD is 13 there is a whole other world of actual worries!

So much. So, so much. Dd1 is 11.5 (in full flight preteen-ness) now and I can safely say the following did not matter.

Off the top of my head:

Breastfeeding. I “failed” at bf (according to my hospital notes when dd was discharged, having been re-admitted because I starved her). Yes, I was described as a failure one week into being a mother. That has affected my mental health quite horrifically. If I’d have just fed my baby in such a way that she thrived I might have not suffered. But no, at the time I was failing.

Of course now my 11.5 yo is bright, talented and above all healthy. I know someone whose eldest is 8 and STILL goes on that she gave her dd the best start in life and women that don’t bf ought to be ashamed.

The exact age at which I potty trained. It’s so insignificant now that I cannot remember. It was ‘later’ than some of my friends’ dc but I do remember it was done and dusted in a week (because of the ‘lateness’).

Bloody book bands. I stopped worrying about this a very long time ago. My dc can read, and have good comprehension skills. The Oxford Reading Tree does. Not. Matter.

Pretty much every aspect of the entirety of primary school, mostly due to other parents. I’m almost giddy with the thought that I’ve finally got one approaching the end. As a parent, I’ve hated almost every part of it. It got better when I went ft at work so don’t have to see other parents very often.

Every single thing! Particularly all the baby / toddler milestones.

Sleeping - would he ever sleep through - is it wrong to rock to sleep - should I do control crying, was it wrong to co-sleep etc

Speech and language - was he delayed, not pronouncing words correctly, and then when it came to school - difficulties with reading / phonics

Potty trying / bed wetting (I actually joined MN for advice when DS was 6 and still he'd wetting!)

Weaning /early feeding /toddler feeding - would he grow up only living off breadsticks, cheesy pasta and potato waffles..... then at age 11 was I wrong to give him so much treat food to keep his weight up as he enjoyed healthy food, fruit, veg but was so active ...

I think that most children 'get there in the end' and most worrying is unnecessary but we still do it.

DS now 17, enjoying working on apprenticeship scheme, good friends, his first girlfriend, learning to drive ... but there will still be things to worry around e.g. when he gets his first car, travels to gigs, holidays etc I've just had to accept that if he chooses to come home at 2 am after a night out it's not doing my health any good to wait up- but I still feel relief when I wake at the sound of him coming back.

Bottlefeeding.
All the concerns I had regarding development I was right to be concerned about. I heard a lot of they all get there in the end which wasn't true for my son. Action is better than just worrying though.

Sterilising bottles and dummies. I stressed and stressed over whether I was doing it right until I finally realised they're only sterilised there and then. As soon as they're exposed they're not sterile. Not worth the stress.

I used to repeat over and over again to myself that loads of people won't even bother sterilising and their babies will be just fine.

I still stress about making bottles when out and about and dd is 13wks old. We have relied on cartons this far

Yep my mother telling me that she still worries about me when I'm 46 and still worries about my brother and sister too doesn't exactly fill me with confidence

she too said the most worried about me she's ever been were just after I was born (I was early and very unwell) and when I was having dd (to be fair we both nearly died it was a very stressful time for all concerned and it was about a week till Drs felt able to declare us "out of the woods")

Dd has a disability that means pregnancy and childbirth will likely be high risk - yet she wants a big family! I'm stressed just thinking about that!

BertrandRussell your post at 2150 reminded me of seeing how much my grans worried about their kids even well into their 50's and 60's - it never ends!

Echobelly - my dd has always and still does spike a very high fever with the slightest bloody sniffle! We've had hospital admissions because of it and even then it's been a struggle to get it down but we're so used to it now we just go with it unless it goes above a certain temp as per advice we've had. She also always gets a viral rash which makes her very itchy and uncomfy - again freaked us out first few times now we just pile on calamine lotion and get on with things it's just a nuisance for dd.

Rarfy - I just didn't go out further than the village shop for the first year. My milk was unreliable (and my one milk-producing breast gave out for no obvious reason after five months) and I couldn't find any information on how long an empty bottle would stay reasonably sterile if I sterilised it immediately before leaving the house and put the top straight on. So I just didn't go anywhere for a year. With hindsight, I think I must have been nuts. Most of the mums round here have used at least some formula by the end of the first year, and they aren't tied to the house!

(I think there's a serious point about how hard it is to find information about sterilisation and safe bottle-feeding - there's so much emphasis on not promoting formula that you just don't get told this stuff, or at least you didn't a couple of years back when I had DD. But yeah, I still feel like a humpty).

Or even a "numpty"

My parents are late 80s and still worry endlessly about my siblings and I (all aged 55 +) about our careers, our own marriages & our own children ....it never stops

Think you have probably hit the nail on the head there.

I had a set of 6 bottles and a large microwave steriliser. The instructions for the steriliser say sterilise all bottles in steriliser. The minute the steriliser is opened to remove a bottle to use. Everything in the steriliser is no longer sterile. I just couldn't get my head round it.

I moved straight to mam bottles which can be self sterilised in the microwave but you take them out, take them apart, leave to air dry then reassemble. Again - they're no longer sterile.

With regards to feeding out of the house dd is formula fed as she was early, csection under GA and wouldn't latch. To make the formula safely it has to be added to water at 70°c. I know I can take a flask of hot water. I then need a flask of cooled boiled water to ensure the bottle is cool enough for dd and its all just such a faff.

Everyone at baby groups just takes a bottle of boiled water then adds the formula when feed is required and voila but because I 'know' that the water is supposed to be 70°c I can't bring myself to do it. All their babies are absolutely fine!!!

Can I, as a 71 year old grandmother, say that today's mothers seem to thrive on worrying! Nothing can be done without discussing, reading, asking AIBU etc., not surprised that so many claim anxiety, a word bandied about too easily.
I took the view, How hard can this be, look at some of the simpletons who do it. I never discussed things with anyone, I did what seemed right and we all survived!
Lighten up ladies

Sleeping... fretted about sleep for weeks and months...now 10 and 7, there’s no getting them out of bed

Breastfeeding. I was sure she’d be stupid because my milk dried up due to a shock at 2 months old. I spend so many hours crying that I was depriving my child of a future. She’s 11 and a Headgirl and has other many talents.
But for me was reading the story of the Homes under the Hammer presenter (Lucy Alexander?) that her daughter went to school one day, got ill and she’s now paralysed put things into perspective. It shook me to my core that I worry for insignificant things while others have some serious worries.

Anxiety, a word bandied about to easily??? Really you think worry is a generational thing. Christ!!

That's great you had no need to discuss anything ever but a bit ironic you are now on a discussion board though.

Lighten up ladies

.

If you didn’t worry about anything as a parent (rare I imagine, my extremely practical 85 year old grandmother who was head matron at a children’s hospital tells me she worried about plenty with regards to her children) then probably best to skip past a thread about parenting anxieties.

I can't relate to caring about nappy contents or when smiles will appear. However....

I wondered if Teen DS1 would ever get qualifications or a job... got good GCSEs & became financially independent at age 18.

DS2 was socially ostracised b/c parents deemed him horrible thug. A teacher said to my face that he was obviously an ill-disciplined brat due to bad parenting. I looked up lots TLA conditions, but nothing fit. Since then, DS's secondary school report has repeated comments on how polite & mature DS is. He's shown a huge responsible streak: WRT his early morning low paid job, he insists on doing it when his arm & finger were broken. Has a chorus of nice friends (with nice parents) who moan if he doesn't go round theirs. No more trouble at school (but I still suspect we'll find his TLA one day).

Teen DD has mental health issues going on. We're still working on that. You'd never believe if you met her. She comes across as the most fiercely confident person in the world. I don't know what's drama & what's actionable in her case. May be a stormy frothy sea with no real substance to it.

"I did what seemed right and we all survived"
Apart from the children who died of cot death, in road accidents w/out car seats, or got ill because of unsterilised bottles.
Things weren't all better in the "good old days".

Llijkk dealing with teen mental health problems is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to cope with.

Chiara: Unless it all blows over & was just exaggerated attn-seeking (not deliberate, but DD has form for enjoying a bit of hysterics)?

Pffft. Only time will tell. One day at a time.

Breastfeeding. I tortured myself over it for weeks.
Baby led weaning. DD much preferred a purée!
Sleep. I’m still pretty keen on routine and I do think it has helped DD in being a good sleeper, but in the early months I was obsessed. I had read that newborns should sleep for around 16 hours a day, but DD was always awake. I spent forever just trying to make her sleep, even though she was happy. I was terrified she would get ‘overtired’. She is just a child that sleeps well, but doesn’t really need much of it. Wish I had realised that back then!

Oh baby led weaning. DD defo would’ve preferred a purée. And despite BF and BLW she was so so fussy. It was peer pressure at nursery that made her stop being fussy. She eats everything there

The angst Inhad because dd wouldn’t drink out of a cup, only a bottle.

At almost 22 I’m happy to say she manages her gin from a glass just fine