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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you what parenting anxieties really weren't worth worrying about...?

97 replies

hidinginthetoiletagain · 12/04/2019 17:03

I am currently in potty training Hell.... I spend an unreasonable amount of time discussing poo and pee and it seems to occupy a ridiculous amount of my time and energy... I am hoping that in 6 months I will wonder what on earth I was making such a fuss about....? I guess it'll either happen eventually (or it won't).

I used to worry about my daughter's weight, she was very sturdy and ate healthily but in large quantities... Everyone said she would beanpole at 3 and she has! The hours ~weeks~ I wasted worrying about that...

OP posts:
HomeEdRocks18 · 12/04/2019 19:51

Bed sharing is taboo. Most parents that I know do or have shared their bed with their children. Why shouldn't we. It calms the child and is nice and cuddly for both.
My daughter is 6 and still occasionally shares our bed.

Ohhellothereladyface · 12/04/2019 19:51

Was DD getting enough tummy time?
Was DD going out and about enough?
Was DD going to crawl? (Yes at 12months)
Was DD going to walk? (Yes at about 15 months)
Currently - Will DD ever be weaned off the boob?
Will DD ever eat what I put in front of her?
Will DD ever sleep through the night?

GinZing · 12/04/2019 19:51

So true. Each stage is quickly forgotten as they move on to the next.

DD is 10 and I can barely remember all my worries from when she was little but I know I spent plenty of time being anxious. Those first few years are the worst and then they start to feel a bit more robust.

I’m dreading teenage years!

managedmis · 12/04/2019 19:53

Dummy use - dd didn't even entertain the idea of one
DS was a poor eater - now he's a machine
Language acquisition : not a problem thankfully

GinZing · 12/04/2019 19:53

Any high temperatures or illnesses were the worst for me. And still is to be honest.

dayswithaY · 12/04/2019 20:01

When your children get older you will wonder why you worried about babies doing anything. Babies are easy, toddlers are more challenging but still ok. Teenagers are the true test - they are the ones who will keep you up all night, send you mad, cause stress. I think there's a conspiracy of silence about this because if new parents were told it gets harder not easier they would abandon their babies and run for the hills. It's the loss of control that's so hard. At least with a baby you know where they are and what they're doing.

Original poster
hidinginthetoiletagain · 12/04/2019 20:13

dayswithaY my hands are over my ears and I'm shouting 'lalalalalalacan'thearyou'

OP posts:
GinZing · 12/04/2019 20:24

dayswithaY my hands are over my ears and I'm shouting 'lalalalalalacan'thearyou'

Grin
dayswithaY · 12/04/2019 20:31

Sorry but I wish someone had told me "Don't worry it only gets worse!" Snuggle your lovely baby now because in a few years time they will be a hormonal hateful bag of rage. Anyone who says their teenager is lovely is just a big fat liar, sorree!

NewAccount270219 · 12/04/2019 20:34

I think there's a conspiracy of silence about this because if new parents were told it gets harder not easier they would abandon their babies and run for the hills.

People told me this all the time - no conspiracy of silence here! It really depressed me when people said that having a newborn was 'the best bit' because I didn't really enjoy it at all - I found DS hard work and very boring for the first few months. Who knows how toddlerdom and beyond will go but so far it has been 100% wrong - everyone told me how easy it is when they 'just stay still' and how much harder work it is when they're mobile but DS became half the work overnight when he could crawl and cruise because he's no longer miserable about being stuck in one place.

The one I regret already is worrying about tummy time. I worried ridiculously about it because I couldn't bear to make him do it when he hated it so much - now he won't lie on his back and it all feels like a big fuss about nothing!

Jinglejanglefish · 12/04/2019 20:43

Feeding to sleep. It works and we'll change it when we need to, she won't be doing it in 5 years time

cushellekoala · 12/04/2019 20:45

My kids are 8 and 12. I am mostly enjoying this age in between the almost constant bickering because i still know where they are, they can get on (in extreme circumstances) they are reasonably independent, we've past the waking in the night, destroy everything in sight stage....someone else told me these are the goldilocks years....before impending teenage-dom!!

Asta19 · 12/04/2019 20:46

I had kids many years ago when things like “tummy time” and “skin to skin” and so on didn’t exist! I had to actually look up these terms when I saw them on MN as I didn’t know what they were! FWIW my kids have grown up fine, they were also formula fed and slept in a separate room from 3 months onward. They didn’t attend any “baby classes” nor was their weaning “baby led” (they were actually both weaned around 10 weeks and again, all fine).

I’m glad the internet wasn’t around when I had babies, I can imagine it’s very anxiety inducing. I just went on mostly my instincts and that was enough back then.

I’d say peak worry time for me was the transition from teen to adult. That time where they are still a child in some ways but an adult in others. It can be hard to know how much to step in and how much to just leave them to it. But yes, the things you worry about now will be meaningless in a year or twos time!

SlimGin · 12/04/2019 20:52

Ah but @Asta19 I'm so thankful for the internet for the small questions so I don't need to call my mum! But yes the relentless influx of advice because of the internet could make mums more inclined to feel guilty for not doing things a certain way.

When I was overdue with DD I started getting very anxious about changing her nappy. I'd never changed a nappy before and I thought the midwives would judge me if I did it wrong! Also when she was very wriggly at night I thought she must have worms (thanks to the mumsnet worms threads).

WindsweptEgret · 12/04/2019 20:59

I have a 12 year old and have entered the not knowing where they are stage. I focus on the fact that DS is getting out of the house and organising his own activities with friends in the holidays and tell myself he'll be fine.

BertrandRussell · 12/04/2019 21:10

My dd is 23...... I worried about her more when she was 20 and 21 than any other time in her life. Sorry, everyone!

ThePlaceToVent · 12/04/2019 21:14

BertrandRussell

I nod sagely - DD 20 and DS 22 share a flat my anxiety about what they get up to is high Grin

nowifi · 12/04/2019 21:16

I think I don't worry enough to be honest! It's worrying how much I don't worry if that makes sense. Probably why my 3 year old still sleeps with us and pretty much rules the roost!

NewAccount270219 · 12/04/2019 21:20

I just texted my mum to ask and she said:

'i have worried about you every day of your life. Thought it was getting better when you were 30 but then you got pregnant and it was the most worried I've ever been about you! And now I worry about [DS] too! I hope I will stop worrying when you're 50!'

Cheering stuff, there...

YeOldeNameChange · 12/04/2019 21:22

NC as embarrassing

I got sucked in by the whole attachment parenting thing. I think I was probably trying not to be like my parents who were quite cold. Plus I was a perfectionist who would feel like a failure for not using the sling enough (because some of these AP “mamas” brag about how they don’t own a buggy. If you’re vulnerable as I was at the time and hugely sleep deprived as BFing all frigging night you take this all to heart)
I ended up with PND (anxiety) and I’m pretty sure I actually had a breakdown. I was obsessed with everything being perfect and this was fuelled by Social Media especially Instagram. I would feel like a failure for not using cloth wipes for instance as there is a huge competitiveness in these groups around being “eco”.
I’m happy to say now I don’t care about anything other than my DC’s health, safety and happiness. None of that stuff matters. At my worst I was too scared to do anything as I had become so anxious I doubted my own sanity.

ChiaraRimini · 12/04/2019 21:24

Handwriting
My Ds got all A*s/As at GCSE although he still can't do joined up writing.
His 8 year old sister has better handwriting...

Annietheacrobat · 12/04/2019 21:25

Sleep

With first baby I read so much about routines, Gina Ford etc. Was convinced I would never sleep again. Wasted so much time reading this crap when in fact she was already a pretty good sleeper.

With second baby just went with the flow. Fed to sleep.

ChiaraRimini · 12/04/2019 21:26

dayswithay-teens are hard but they do grow out of it (eventually). Mine are lovely now.

Ribbonsonabox · 12/04/2019 21:27

Worrying about exact room temperature and sleeping suit/sleeping bag thickness.... just use your common sense! On my second now and threw away the room thermometer. As long as their chest doesnt feel too hot or they are crying because they are cold.. then they are fine!!

Trying to have a strict bedtime before 6 months is pointless. I think it's good to have some kind of routine with a story and a song etc but it doesnt really matter what time you are doing that at that young... I now know you just go on your baby and look out for signals they are actually tired rather than driving yourself insane trying to get them to sleep at 7pm sharp every single night.

Potty training... it really IS true that they just get it one day. If you try and push it on them early because of pressure from everyone you are just letting yourself into a living nightmare. I was SO stressed about my first not being potty trained at 3. I cried myself to sleep about it thinking I was a terrible mother. I tried all sorts of systems and read books...
I gave up for a while.
Then he just decided to stop wearing nappies and has been dry ever since.

Ncouttaembarrassment · 12/04/2019 21:28

See my user name.

D.C. has a stinking cold.

Me

Have you taken paracetamol. Take brufen alternately and get a decongestant. Vicks.

D.C. has headache.

Did you sleep properly last night? Drink more water.

D.C. falls and hurts wrist.

Did you go and get it x rayed? Let me strap it up.

D.C.

Mum.

I’m a doctor.

😳