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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not unreasonable

177 replies

PinkGlitter123 · 11/04/2019 19:07

To stop hugging your male friend goodbye once you have a partner? Just dont feel its appropriate but he called me out on it earlier and asked me if he had done something wrong

OP posts:
Jebuschristchocolatebar · 11/04/2019 19:08

I hug my male friends and I’m still married after 10 years.

Nicknacky · 11/04/2019 19:08

Err I hug male friends and I’m married. Why is it inappropriate?

aibutohavethisusername · 11/04/2019 19:09

It’s a hug UBVU.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 11/04/2019 19:09

I hug people if I love them no matter their gender. Hugs aren't inappropriate unless you're lunging groin-first (and fair play if that's how you hug).

JamPasty · 11/04/2019 19:09

I can't see why having a partner would stop you hugging someone hello or goodbye?

gamerwidow · 11/04/2019 19:11

It’s weird to stop hugging people just because you’ve got a partner. If the contact wasn’t sexual before then it doesn’t need to stop when you’re in a relationship.
Was you and this friend more than just friends in the past? I can’t understand why you’d do this otherwise.

HBStowe · 11/04/2019 19:12

YABU. I hug my friends, male and female. I’m bisexual so I always find the mad, heteronormative, stupid rules straight people make about their opposite-sex friends a bit absurd anyway.

GMtoBe · 11/04/2019 19:13

I've been with my husband for 6 years, married for 3, we have a daughter and I still hug my male friends (and kiss them on the cheek when we say hello and goodbye)! YABVU

Butchyrestingface · 11/04/2019 19:14

Just dont feel its appropriate

Why not?

DantesInferno · 11/04/2019 19:15

Do you have quickie sex with them when you hug? No? Then it's fine

(Your thread title on the other hand.... )

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 11/04/2019 19:16

I hug and cheek-kiss my male friends in the same way that I do my female friends. We're not snogging with tongues, ffs...

TitusP · 11/04/2019 19:17

I hug my male friends goodbye and my DH's male friends who he knew before he met me but I've now known them a decade. By not hugging him you are almost inferring there is/was something between you.

AllStar14 · 11/04/2019 19:17

Of course YABU, your poor friend! Why on earth did it even cross your mind that you should stop hugging him just because you have a partner? It's not inappropriate, it's a fucking hug between friends!

Shoxfordian · 11/04/2019 19:17

I hug male friends and I'm married
Yab weird

Original poster
PinkGlitter123 · 11/04/2019 19:19

Bit surprised by these answers. There was nothing between us, I just felt I shouldn't hug him when I got with someone. I think because he was/is going through a hard time, he took it personally

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 11/04/2019 19:22

Because it’s not normal to stop doing a perfectly natural thing with a friend,

GMtoBe · 11/04/2019 19:23

He took it personally because it was unnecessary and for all the reasons PPs have given. Not because he's had a hard time.

Bluntness100 · 11/04/2019 19:25

How odd is this, it's like something from some weird strict religion.

Op, if the hugging was innocent why stop? Unless you were secretly coping a feel?

iklboo · 11/04/2019 19:26

I hug all my - and our - male friends AND kiss them on the cheek. There was nothing going on before I got married so why should it change now?

CostanzaG · 11/04/2019 19:27

I'm married and hug and kiss my male friends. My DH hugs and kisses female friends.
What's the issue? 🤷

runsmidgeOMG · 11/04/2019 19:30

A hug and kiss on the cheek is a perfectly normal way to greet someone you know well ! Heck ! I set a friend up with one of my best friends and still hug him 🤷‍♀️

Also don't move to Europe, it's all about the double cheek kisses over there ! I love it !

SrSteveOskowski · 11/04/2019 19:35

I'm not surprised he took it personally. That's just weird. I have one close male friend that I always hug and vice versa, usually a kiss on the cheek too. I have a DH, he has a DW and to the best of my knowledge neither of them have a problem with it.

Why would you suddenly stop hugging a male friends just because you suddenly have a partner? If you're expecting your partner to do the same with any of his female friends then I think you might be in for a rude awakening.

HBStowe · 11/04/2019 19:41

op do you really see a hug as a sexual act?

Ohyesiam · 11/04/2019 19:46

You are confusing a hug with something sexual

feelingsinister · 11/04/2019 19:48

I hug all my friends, male and female. If you have a partner who is bothered by that I'd be worried about him being controlling and whether there's any trust in the relationship.