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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's not unreasonable

177 replies

PinkGlitter123 · 11/04/2019 19:07

To stop hugging your male friend goodbye once you have a partner? Just dont feel its appropriate but he called me out on it earlier and asked me if he had done something wrong

OP posts:
NobodysBlackerThanMe · 11/04/2019 20:55

It's too intimate for a married person to be doing it with someone of the opposite sex. In certain circumstances it would constitute sexual harassment. What's wrong with just a handshake or an air kiss?

Merryoldgoat · 11/04/2019 20:56

I hug all my male friends and my husband hugs his female friends.

I’ve literally never wondered if it might be odd until now.

GreytExpectations · 11/04/2019 20:57

@PinkGlitter123 YABVU and quite frankyly, ridiculous. Its a friendly hug. You should not stop hugging a friend once you have a partner unless for some weird reason it becomes sexual...im assuming you hugs dont contact groping or humping? 🤣 honestly how insecure must you be?

JustHereForThePooStoriesFella · 11/04/2019 20:57

Unless you hugged him with your legs, you’re fine.

Bankofenglandfiver · 11/04/2019 20:57

I went to my best friend’s one time and he hugged me all night as I cried.

I can never repay him for that.

And anyone who would try to change the relationship we have can fuck off, frankly.

RavenLG · 11/04/2019 20:58

But it is intimate so I assume you’ve stopped hugging your female friends too since it is so intimate?

IncrediblySadToo · 11/04/2019 21:01

FGS. Your FRIEND can’t have a hug anymore because you’ve got a boyfriend? How old are you?

I hope he drops you as a friend. He’s not there to be picked up and dropped depending on your latest boyfriend.

thefinn · 11/04/2019 21:07

Married for 11.5 yrs and still hug friends, male or female.

CostanzaG · 11/04/2019 21:08

It's too intimate for a married person to be doing it with someone of the opposite sex. In certain circumstances it would constitute sexual harassment.

What now? It's only sexual harassment because someone is married? I'm female and married ....i hug my lesbian friend. Is that inappropriate?

Consensual hugs are not sexual harassment....be that same sex or opposite sex hugs.

Mississippilessly · 11/04/2019 21:09

ahandshake

Lol. Are you JRM?

CostanzaG · 11/04/2019 21:10

What's wrong with just a handshake or an air kiss?

I don't want a handshake off my friends. I want a hug because i bloody love them!

BalloonDinosaur · 11/04/2019 21:12

YABU I always have hugged my male friends, and sometimes, colleagues 😱

GreytExpectations · 11/04/2019 21:20

OP, are you a teenager?

coral13 · 11/04/2019 21:22

I still hug my male friends and I'm married. I don't treat them any different to my female friends with things like that.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 11/04/2019 21:22

Maybe from now on you could just do side hugs like in 19 kids and counting. I think that family believe hugging makes the baby Jesus cry so best not do it

GMtoBe · 11/04/2019 21:37

I can't believe this is real. Some of the posters on here (I'm looking at you Nobodys) have the most unbelievable opinions.

EvaHarknessRose · 11/04/2019 21:48

I think it is your choice who and when you hug and rather proprietorial of your friend to be annoyed.

IncrediblySadToo · 11/04/2019 21:50

In certain circumstances it would constitute sexual harassment

Don’t be so ridiculous. .

iolaus · 11/04/2019 21:53

I think if you change it then it suggests that previously you were hoping for the friendship to move into something more previously and now your feelings have changed IMHO

IncrediblySadToo · 11/04/2019 21:56

My partner did find it uncomfortable when friend said he missed my hugs

Aww. Bless. Poor insecure little sausage.

Bin him, keep your FRIEND. If you haven’t lost him already.

saraclara · 11/04/2019 22:00

I hugged my male friends all my married life. If my husband had objected...well he probably wouldn't have made it as far as being my husband in the first place.

No wonder your friend was hurt and confused. It's just bizarre to treat him differently now. Does your partner expect you to stop hugging your male friends?

BackforGood · 11/04/2019 22:03

Apart from the fact your title / OP is very confusing so I can't work out if I need to say YABU or YANBU, this is a very, very weird thread.

Since when has a (presumably fully clothed) hug been sexual ? Confused.
I hosted a party recently, I reckon I hugged virtually 100 people, some twice (when they arrived and when they left) during the evening. Not sure what that makes me then ? Grin

BlackPrism · 11/04/2019 22:07

I would find it weird that you'd stopped. Was it sexual before you had a partner? If not why is it now?

Iamtheworst · 11/04/2019 22:10

I was in my 20’s before someone said smelling someone’s perfume/aftershave and complimenting it was a sexual thing.
I’ve always smelled people and I like perfumes. Same way I look at their clothes, weird to exclude one sense (2, I’ve never tasted my friends).
I mean I don’t nuzzel into their neck or bury my head in their hair but I do have a sniff. Which looks weird written down.
Can I continue to hug my gay friend?
Can I hug my cousin, they’re family but not that close?
What is the cut of age? I hug a teenage, should I stop at 18 or puberty?
How hard is it to tell what’s sexual and what’s not!
I always end up being accused of being a “cool wife” on these threads but honestly hugging embargo takes the biscuit.

BlackPrism · 11/04/2019 22:11

I mean Tbf I hug and kiss all my male friends and even kiss my female best mates on the mouth. With DP right there... shock horror.

I think any man who doesn't like you innocently hugging a male friend is bound to become controlling and accusatory and jealous. They see seduction, flirtation and sluttishness where it does not exist.