To think it's not unreasonable

[PinkGlitter123]

To stop hugging your male friend goodbye once you have a partner? Just dont feel its appropriate but he called me out on it earlier and asked me if he had done something wrong

I mean lots of hugs and texting daily. It's disrespectful to the partner.

No it isn't ....if it is just friendship then what is the issue?

I know I wouldn't be happy if my partner was texting another woman friend multiple times a day.

I know I wouldn't be happy if my partner was texting another woman friend multiple times a day

Even if they were just a friend? What about a male friend?

That would be different, I don't know why but it would be.
I don't think many women here would be happy with their partners in touch so often with another woman even if its clearly just friendship.

Why can't a friend text you? I have male friend who I spend time with alone, we text a lot and, shock horror, hug and kiss (on the cheek) I get on brilliantly with his wife. We were friends before they met but nothing changed when he met his wife.

So many insecure people ruining good friendships over innocent, normal behaviour!

pink lots of us really don't mind because we trust our partners. I would hate to feel like i had to change my behaviour around my friends just because i was in a relationship.

I didn't say not text at all. I meant being in touch daily offering emotional support and hugs

DH and I have 'couple' friends that we both greet with hug/ kiss. Does this make us swingers?

I didn't say not text at all. I meant being in touch daily offering emotional support and hugs

That's within the realms of normal friendship imo

Behaviours do have to change when you meet someone though

Who told you that?

Most of us stop sexual contact with others if we have a partner. We don't stop hugging our friends!!!

Are you 12?

Behaviours do have to change when you meet someone though.

Er, no they don't - well, unless you include being on a dating site I suppose - but normal relationships with friends don't.

I mean lots of hugs and texting daily. It's disrespectful to the partner.

Eh ? Disrespectful in what way ?

I know I wouldn't be happy if my partner was texting another woman friend multiple times a day.

So it is actually you with trust issues and some sort of distorted way of looking at friendships, not your partner. Is this you projecting on to him ?

I don't think many women here would be happy with their partners in touch so often with another woman even if its clearly just friendship.

Whyever not ?
You seem to be suggesting that 2 people can't be friends, if they happen to be a different sex from each other. If - as you say - you are friends with this chap and support each other with daily texts, then I don't get why that is an issue. Would you try to stop your partner being friends with any friends of his, because you had started a relationship ?

This all sounds very ridiculous

1. You are allowed to text a male FRIEND daily if you used to before, with no flirting.

1. You are allowed to hug a male friend if you used to before. Unless his penis falls into your vagina, it is acceptable

Your turning into a bad friend to someone who you know is going through a shit time. You're going to lose friends if you're not careful.

You. Are. Doing. Nothing. Wrong

Both friend and I were in bad places when we used to hug. Now I have a partner I just wondered if it was thought of as not being unreasonable to stop the hugs.

So basically you hugged him when you needed them/for your own benefit but now that you have a boyfriend to hug you you don't need your friend for hugs anymoreI feel sorry for your friend.

I think sometimes on MN, people confuse aquaintances with friends and this is sometimes the issue on these threads.

For instance, many of us will come into contact with other men on a regular basis - eg if you’re in a running club or something like that. But, to me, these are not “friends”, in the sense that I would go out for coffee with them alone or be texting just for the sake of chat. The latter would be wholly inappropriate.

Who are all these married women with the so-called “male friends”, who they go out for a drink with one-on-one and maintain regular texting? I literally know nobody who does this and I never have.

How, if you have kids, do you even find time to go out with your DH on a date, let alone drinks or whatever with your “male friend?”

I don’t believe male and female friendships are ever purely platonic. This has never been my life experience. Of course I wouldn’t go out with another man alone. Why wouid I do that? It would be very disrespectful to DH and giving off the wrong idea. I socialise with other men all the time, but, like most people, they are friends’ DHs and we socialise in groups. Imagine if I started texting on of their DHs, I’m sure that would go down well.

safiya
I have a male friend who I meet one on one for a drink and who I text fairly regularly. Its100% platonic....we've been friends since school! DH has a female friend who he worked with for years....again purely platonic.

We also have a child and have regular 'date' nights and weekends away. We also both spend time alone with our friends. That's completely normal!!
.

Who are all these married women with the so-called “male friends”, who they go out for a drink with one-on-one and maintain regular texting? I literally know nobody who does this and I never have.

How, if you have kids, do you even find time to go out with your DH on a date, let alone drinks or whatever with your “male friend?”

It's exactly the same as my female friends, just male. How can it be different finding time with kids to go out for a drink with your female friend and not with a male one? It's exactly the same. Are you saying that people with kids never find time to meet up with friends ever?

I don’t believe male and female friendships are ever purely platonic.

Tbh that's your problem if it's impossible for you to have regular conversations with a man without wanting to shag him.

You can be genuine friends with someone of the opposite sex - and that includes texting and hugging. Those things can be completely platonic.

I have at least eight friends I text really regularly. Four male, four female. I am really huggy with them all, male and female, gay and straight. I am 100% committed to my marriage and would never cheat. DH has absolutely no problem with my interactions with people on any level. We both have completely open social media and email accounts - if he wants to, he can look at any message I send, any time.

@safiya5 said "I think sometimes on MN, people confuse aquaintances with friends and this is sometimes the issue on these threads."

I absolutely agree with this. I would go one step further and say that many people on Mumsnet don't have ANY friends, only acquaintances.

I really do think that it's a very small percentage of women who would truly be happy with their man texting a friend daily and hugging them a lot.
I have not been a bad friend. As I said, I am still here for him and he knows he can always get in touch if he needs me.

It's intimate as a friend, not at all sexual. I find it really strange that you would stop doing this. Would you stop hugging female friends? What is the difference unless you think there is a sexual or romantic element between you? Very strange to stop it because you have a partner.

Well I have about 5 female friends from uni and we meet up regularly. Then there are loads of mums from the schools oo local area that I’ve got to know over the years. But I’ve never gone out with a man individually, unless it was a date. DH wouldn’t be happy about that at all. Not because he doesn’t trust me, it’s not that, but it’s just odd. Where would you go and what for? Having said that, I don’t have that much in common with most men anyway, so I don’t feel as if I’m missing out. I can relax much more with women because with men it always gets complicated, no matter how much you try and convince yourself otherwise.

You and your BF sound well suited.

just wondered how old you are OP, is this your first serious relationship?

@safiya5 I find your post so sad. As I said I have a close male friend whose wife has no issue with our friendship, I now class her as a friend too. I've had boyfriends who haven't liked male friend and once I'd realised that the relationships were over. I find those threatened by people of the opposite sex being friends pathetic actually. It makes me quite angry when my friendship, and how we feel about each other, is questioned. It IS platonic. It's MY friendship so I know that. Don't tell me that it can't possibly be.

I don’t believe male and female friendships are ever purely platonic. This has never been my life experience. Of course I wouldn’t go out with another man alone. Why wouid I do that? It would be very disrespectful to DH and giving off the wrong idea

It isn't my life experience to go to private school, but that doesn't mean I don't believe some people do.
It isn't my life experience to cycle to work, but it doesn't mean I don't believe some people do.
It isn't my life experience to roam around shopping centres "for fun" week in, week out, but it doesn't mean I don't believe some people do.

Personally, I don't have any male friends that I text daily - but then I don't have any female friends that I text daily. The issue here is that the OP does, or did, and thinks it is a 'thing' that you change your relationship with a friend, because you have a new boyfriend. I have some friends who are male, and my relationship with them didn't change because dh and I got together all those years ago, nor when they met their partners after that.

I don’t believe male and female friendships are ever purely platonic

Well, that's up to you. Your loss.

My best friend is male, I'm female, I hug him, talk to him about emotional things, text him daily talk to him often. Last time he stayed at our house I went to make tea in the morning and came back and he was in my bed (in my spot with MY dressing gown on!) with my DH, it's ok he was just messing about. How old are you and how long have you been with your boyfriend OP?