To think it's not unreasonable

[PinkGlitter123]

To stop hugging your male friend goodbye once you have a partner? Just dont feel its appropriate but he called me out on it earlier and asked me if he had done something wrong

Well I accept what you’re saying AllStar, but I’ve never had a make friendship that hasn’t become awkward at some point. If there was a man texting me or wanting to meet up on the grounds of “oh we’re just friends... we go back don’t you know...yadda yadda”, DH would tell him to b***er off. Similarly, if some woman was floating round DH and going on about “friendship”, I’d think she was demented. I literally can’t imagine anyone I know carrying on like this.

Carrying on? Demented for wanting friends? OK then.

If I was your friend I would feel very hurt and used if you changed your behaviour because you were now in a relationship. I would also worry that you might be in a controlling/abusive relationship and would probably mention the lack of hugs as a way to test the water and see your reaction.

That's just strange safiya.
In what way is maintaining friendships, odd ?

DH and I both hug my friends (men and women), there’s nothing in it, just a friendly way to say hello/goodbye. DH’s friends don’t hug! DH also hugs my mum and I hug his Dad, is that weird?! Am I being intimate with his dad?? Coz that would be grim (he’s lovely but ergh!).

Pink well you aren't there for him are you? He can't text you daily. So if he texts you today casually, but then tomorrow something happens, has he reached his quota for the week?
Really weird to change your behaviour, if it was innocent, just because you're seeing someone

safiya does that mean I shouldn't be friends with my male friend anymore? The one I've known since I was 11....just because we're both married?

Utterly bonkers.

Well Constanza, I can only speak for myself, obviously. But if I was in a situation where I’d had a male friend since the age of 11, I wouldn’t be all dramatic and lose contact with him, no. But I’d just meet him with his wife and with DH. I’m sure his wife wouldn’t want me hanging about banging on about “all our yesterdays” or whatever. Or asking him out alone. It’s irritating. So we’d just go out as couples and continue that way. This is what the vast majority of people would do imo. Friendships do have to adapt as life changes.

The only “other men” that I text reasonably regularly would be my Pilates teacher to change a session; my therapist to confirm I’d paid him; various teachers if the DC; the guy who runs the running club and that it. I don’t have general text chat with male “friends”, no.

safiya that's bloody ridiculous. No friendships don't have to change. Sometimes we socialise with our partners sometimes we meet up alone ....I don't need to be chaperoned by my husband.

My best friend is a man. I love him to bits. He was there before the current boyfriend and if it goes tits up he’ll be there after too.

It would be most odd and disrespectful to change that just because I have a boyfriend.

In fact safiya my friend and his wife are away this weekend and I'm babysitting their kids.
Keeping him in my life means our kids are firm friends and it's enhanced our lives all round.

But I’d just meet him with his wife and with DH.

So your friendship would be dependent on both of you being in a relationship?

Magenta - well I wouldn’t meet him alone, no. That would feel wrong to me and disrespectful. But we could meet in a group.

I think it is very strange to change the dynamics just because you are in a relationship. Very strange to think a lady in a relationship can't have male friends. I have lots they are now also friends with my husband. He goes out with them independently now but so do I. For a drink dinner catch up, sometimes with them and partners, sometimes just us. Sometimes with both sets of kids. We also holiday as 2 families from time to time. The kids are all friends as well as all adults. We are now just a group of 4 friends why is out gender important?

It's not disrespectful. It's suffocating and controlling.

Safiya5 I have been friends with a man for 20 years, we met in college and just hit it off in a platonic way. He is now also friends with my dh, he is married and we do things as a group but we also do things ourselves. He was around the other night so I met him for a beer in our local and my dh was at home with our kids not giving two fucks about any of it. I would be horrified if my dh told me who i could or couldn’t hang out with. He met his female friend for coffee the other day and I didn’t bat an eyelid. It was coffee- not full penetration

Is this in case your friends penis accidentally slips inside?! Otherwise you sound bonkers.

I’ve stayed at my friend’s overnight many times.

And his penis has never come anywhere near my vag.

I slept in one of his spare rooms. It’s actually called “Bank’s Room”. 🤷‍♀️

I hear what you’re saying, but I just can’t imagine this and I don’t know any friends who would do this either. I can’t see DH babysitting to let me meet a man in pub!

even more shocking I sometimes go away for work with a man who is not my husband and we stay in hotels and eat our dinner together and guess what, I have managed to control myself.

YABU.

If a friend is close enough to hug before a relationship, they are close enough to hug after a relationship. Only someone insecure in their relationship would think otherwise.

DH babysitting
🙄

but I’ve never had a make friendship that hasn’t become awkward at some point.

Have you considered the possibility that it's just you who can't have a non awkward friendship with a man, as opposed to all women everywhere not being able to have platonic male friends