To ask if you’d be offended if your teenagers gf spent ‘too much’ on your teens birthday

[SandraDea]

At my sisters earlier - it’s my nieces bf’s birthday tomorrow and my niece was wrapping presents (he’ll be 15).

My sister seems to have spent too much and my Bil commented that this is not appropriate as it’s probably more than what her bf’s parents could afford. My sister admitted she got carried away but thought it was ok.

She’s got the bf expensive jogging bottoms and a top (£70) plus a few bits and bobs and also a gift voucher for his favourite shop (£20) so in total has spent about £100.

Is my sister being totally unreasonable and probably going to cause offence to the bf’s family?

Why is your sister buying her daughters boyfriend gifts

Surely the daughter should buy any gifts out of allowance/pocket money etc?

The problems with going big on presents are

1. pressure to keep it up each time
2. pressure for bf to reciprocate
3. bad budgeting debt
4. unbalanced relationships
5. are gift given in joy or fear of being dumped?
6. bad for environment and waste
7. maybe upstaging others but not my first concern

Your sister bought the gifts?? Why? That’s weird , are they normally that generous
Hold back a few gifts for later

We bought our dds BF bike leathers for his birthday once and a laptop another time.
He has never worried about reciprocating nor have his parents. He and dd are now married..... I wouldn't worry.

Is it a birthday present or a dowry?

It's far too much and it's far too involved of your dsis.

I agree with your BiL. That's far too much to spend on a 15 year old boyfriend´s birthday. That's a present for a long term partner. Also, why is she buying him a present at all? She should give her daughter an amount (or let her use her pocket money) and let her choose the present. A present like this could make the recipient and also his parents really uncomfortable.

Just the £20 voucher is more than enough and much more appropriate! It probably won’t cause offence (unless you know they’re not that well off) but it is a bit bizarre.

My niece chose all the gifts, my sister just paid for them. My niece had saved some towards the total cost (£20 I think)

Yes it’s too much, no it’s not offensive just awkward.

It's very generous and probably unnecessary. I wouldn't say offensive though.

Agree with BIL. They’re 15 so almost definitely won’t be together forever. I would not waste this amount of cash on a boyfriend at that age, it’s just a waste. He won’t be able to reciprocate equally or even anywhere close and it may end up being a teensy bit awkward.

20 pounds sounds like about the right amount to me. If I were her, I´d take a lot of the stuff back.

Who are the presents from? Your sister or your niece?

I agree with BIL. The BF, and his family, will probably be embarrassed, and it also puts pressure on the BF to spend a similar amount on your DN when it is her birthday. One of the presents would be more than enough.

Are these presents from your DSIS or DN?

The point is that your niece should be saving/paying 100% of this. The £20 gift card and offer of a free Nando's would have been plenty. Why is your sister paying? Would your sister have paid £100 for niece's best friend too? Arguably the best friend should be prioritized over a boyfriend.

It's too much. My 17yo DSs GFs grandmother 😀 bought him lots of presents for Christmas, I found it very inappropriate. They had only been together for about six weeks at the time.

If my 15 year old dd wanted to invest £100 of her wages or savings into a transient relationship then that would be up to her although I’d advise against it 🤷🏼‍♀️.

If she expected me to spend that kind of my own money on her bf I would say “errrr... no way pet”. I would probably contribute £20 though and expect her to pay it back somehow. Hasn’t your dn got a job yet?

I know the family are on a low income so quite possibly more likely to be offended maybe?

She’s got the bf expensive jogging bottoms and a top (£70) plus a few bits and bobs and also a gift voucher for his favourite shop (£20) so in total has spent about £100.

That's way more than £100. I think he would probably love it but think his parents would feel rotten.

How long have they been together? DB and SIL have been together since their teens and DM was probably spending this much by a year or two into the relationship, same with DH when we were dating. Not other BFs though, guess she had an inkling he'd be around a while. Although those gifts were always from my parents, DB and I bought our own gifts for partners.
I've always been very spoilt by DHs parents (MIL) he's an only child and she says it's fun to have a female to buy for as her family is very male dominated. She has lovely taste.
Some of this is relevant to income too. Some families have £50 a week food budget in which case it would be in bad taste, if they are comfortable and £100 isn't much to them why not, it's no different to someone on the breadline spending ten or twenty pounds.

I know the family are on a low income so quite possibly more likely to be offended maybe?
This is relevant, not offended but definitely uncomfortable I'd imagine

Yes I think they will feel uncomfortable.

I think is going to make everyone uncomfortable, not least because it's odd as fuck. What is she thinking?

Is it not possible that she just loves him and wants to spoil him? I wouldn't read too much into it.