Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

dating situation

186 replies

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 14:39

On Tue i went on the date with a guy. We sat on the date for three hrs.
Paid for everything during the date, I also offered to pay he didnt accept.
After three hrs asked if we could leave as it was getting late (11 pm) and i had late wake up. ( i think 3 hrs date is also too long, save something for next time if any).

He insisted to get me a cab home which i found very gentlemanly. The cab would be late to arrive but the bus stop was near the pub so i thanked him for that but it was 5 mins anyway to home. So he asked if i had a good night and i said i enjoyed a lot which was true.

He asked me if i want to go out again with him i said sure of course i would love to meet again and he said that i dont sound too confident about it. I said that i really had a great night and i made sure i wrote that on text too that i would love to meet again and i thanked him for the good time. He and i talked about places we could go next time. On text, he said he wished i went into the cab. I again thanked him but anyway the bus came there and then.

So he repeated on text he had a good night and speak soon with a kissing emoji.

The guy has a kid and is 37. The kid lives with his mum. He told me that he is single 8.months now and the last relationship was with his baby mama, but they are over two years now in reality.

I asked him if he is sure he is really over because at the end of the day he is tied with her for the kid and 8 months isnt really a long time anyway. He said he is really over and they talk strictly for the kid and if he wouldn't have to talk he wouldn't. I found that a bit exaggerated tbh. I told him the only reason i am asking is because this is online and a lot of people may lie about stuff. He said he wouldn't lie as he had this experience before being lied too from online so he wouldn't do it.

Just to note here he first started asking personal questions about my situation, dating history and stuff. I told him i had married at 25 for 2 years and then divorced. Im now 32. No kids.

He also told me his baby mama is not a good mum and selfish. I take this all with a pinch of salt tbh.

Another thing that striked me, is that this guy with another guy that had contacted me on the dating site, had extreme similarities. They told me the same things about their life, same area same situation they both told me they gonna move house, both kids the same age, also same chatlines. If this isnt a diabolical coincidence, i would think that these two are related somehow.

The other guy that I am talking about, asked to talk on the phone and he asked me out on the phone call where we said we can meet before i leave on holiday. After the call he never asked me out.

Now it is Thursday and he the guy i dated on Tue, didnt follow up for another date...

OP posts:
WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 16/04/2019 00:08

This is one of those threads where you scroll straight to the end to see the latest update

Still hasn't helped

mokapot · 16/04/2019 02:47

So I think I got this... the two guys are brothers? Twins ? And they want a 3some?

Chrissi314 · 16/04/2019 12:20

no threesome aint on the table yet

OP posts:
pudding21 · 16/04/2019 12:45

OP: you are overinvesting WAAAAAAY too much after one date.

Whatever the situation, if its one guy, or the same guy, or relations or friends, its got you off balance for a reason.

I have three theories:

  • they are indeed related (unlikely)
  • He thought he'd blown it after chatting with you so re-inveted himself as someone else (unlikely) hence the similarities
  • Or he is who he says he is and you have overthought everything and creating weird shit in your head.

Go for the date if you will, but try let things flow naturally if you want to date this guy (all in the meantime watching if he really is who he says he is). But not driving yourself crazy about it. There are so many people in the world, if one isn't making you feel good about yourself and making you feel a bit bat shit , move onto the next.

Sagradafamiliar · 16/04/2019 15:36

I really do think you should step away if you're the type to be insecure over the child's mother. You're going to end up trying to put a spanner in the works of their co-parenting relationship.

Chrissi314 · 16/04/2019 16:01

ill go on the date see what happens

OP posts:
PrincessDanae · 16/04/2019 16:15

There are dating services that will send emails and texts to potential dates on dating sites. So that could explain the similarities, if they had the same person doing their responses for them.

But the whole 'being over for 2 years, but having an 8 month old child' doesn't ring true. Was it an on again off again type of relationship then? Or had he checked out of the relationship himself, without being honest to his girlfriend?

Chrissi314 · 16/04/2019 16:33

He said specifically : He was engaged for 6 years with her. The kid is 5 yrs old. He is single 8 months now. However he told me that he is actually over with her 2 years now in reality.

Dunno how is that possible.

Whether he checked out and she doesnt know, I cant know.

I asked him to tell me what is going on and he told me the kid lives with his mum but he talks to his son daily as he has a phone.

He told me he bought a flat and waiting to move in, but temporarily lives at his mum's.

So I made it clear from the get go that i dont want lies and he said he doesnt want lies either as he was the one that started asking personal questions about my dating history etc.

I just hope i aint mugged off.

Needles to say as well, if i dont see his house first i aint involved further, i had my fur burned in a previous relationship where the guy told me he was 2 yrs single when in fact he was married all along.

Thankfully, i found out soon

OP posts:
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 16/04/2019 21:55

I really dislike the disparaging way you refer to his child

'the kid'

You sound very immature, and from the way you've posted it doesn't seem likely that you will be able to cope with a relationship where there are children involved.

There are plenty of single child free men out there.

Chrissi314 · 16/04/2019 22:14

Err he has a kid so how am i supposed to referring to him?
Lol.
My issue is NOT his son please re read what i wrote.

OP posts:
winepls · 16/04/2019 23:43

OP you really shouldn't date anyone with a kid. At all. And especially not an ex.

Samind · 16/04/2019 23:54

Your posts are sounding like a live thought blog. As in posters are giving you responses or asking questions and you're continually putting the same type posts out.

Go on another date if you wish to do so. I don't think it is going to work out well if you believe these two are related or one may be testing you. I think the situation is making you paranoid so I don't see why you'd actively pursue it.

I'd also be wary of any man that starts slagging off his ex and mother of his child on a first date type situation. But good luck!

SillyMoomin · 17/04/2019 06:38

I want to know if you speak in RL in the same disjointed almost staccato type way as you type

It’s very jarring to read

MummyMCM · 17/04/2019 06:59

Lol is anyone else really weirdly invested in this?!

My confusion lies with OPs use of the word “related” - I fear she doesn’t actually mean “related” in the traditional sense of the word but is having a hard time understanding why that must be confusing for readers, as none of us are actually sure what she means when she says the two men may be “related”.

I’m also confused as to why it would matter if they did know each other considering she only spoke to guy #1 briefly on the phone one time and that was it. Anyone else....?

hooligancats · 17/04/2019 07:05

Are you very young OP?

Be very wary of any man who lives with his mother.

Please stop referring to “baby mama” and “the kid”. It’s quite unpleasant.

Just keep your eyes open. Good luck with it all.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 17/04/2019 07:49

Totally agree with PP, I think the OP has just decided to redefine the word "related" without telling anyone.

Your use of "the kid" grates on me as well. Sounds disdainful.

You shouldn't get involved with this man as you're clearly going to be resentful about his relationship with his child's mother. This will probably end up causing problems for them, making their relationship difficult and strained. Leave well alone.

You could have made this all much easier for everyone by making your posts a bit more coherent.

TooBusyHavingFun · 17/04/2019 08:04

I think another date may not happen because he is picking up on how weird you can be.

Chrissi314 · 17/04/2019 09:53

We are meeting today and no sorry, i dont think I am weird.

Related may mean: Acquaitances, friends, relatives. People that already know each other.

Of course I do not have any issue with him having a kid or being engaged before. None of that.

However, because I have been burned before as I mentioned above, despite I like him, i would like to be very careful.

He told me temporarily he stays with his mother till he moves in to the newly bought house.

If I dont see his house of course and his surroundings first, I am not gonna get involved.

Dunno what is hard to understand from this, I met him online and i have no reference for him, so naturally i am gonna be more cautious.

As for their relationship, yes 8 months is not a very long time. I dont know what he means by that they have ended in reality two years ago.

I know they probably are speaking for the boy's sake, but when you have continuous contact with the ex, even if it is for good reason, I am not so sure if it helps shaking off the feelings.

I am not sure who understands where I am coming from, I personally have tried to explain the best I could.

I hope we have a good time today :-)

OP posts:
Chrissi314 · 17/04/2019 10:02

I am trying to answer altogether to the questions asked above already

OP posts:
Samind · 17/04/2019 10:14

Is this a real post!?

KC225 · 17/04/2019 16:48

Good luck with your date tonight OP? Keep us updated.

mokapot · 17/04/2019 17:09
Confused
mokapot · 17/04/2019 17:09

Still Confused

Chrissi314 · 17/04/2019 18:52

Well the guy cancelled on me as he said he got stuck on a job tonight and said to take me out after i come back from holiday .

In that case Next!

OP posts:
MRex · 17/04/2019 20:27

Being busy at work was the killer blow, not the fake profile and oddly controlling attitude about a taxi! I'm fine with "we're all different" usually, but I worry about your boundaries @Chrissi314. Please seek opinions from your friends before you get in too deep with anybody else, and ask questions here when you aren't sure about people's motives too.