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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

dating situation

186 replies

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 14:39

On Tue i went on the date with a guy. We sat on the date for three hrs.
Paid for everything during the date, I also offered to pay he didnt accept.
After three hrs asked if we could leave as it was getting late (11 pm) and i had late wake up. ( i think 3 hrs date is also too long, save something for next time if any).

He insisted to get me a cab home which i found very gentlemanly. The cab would be late to arrive but the bus stop was near the pub so i thanked him for that but it was 5 mins anyway to home. So he asked if i had a good night and i said i enjoyed a lot which was true.

He asked me if i want to go out again with him i said sure of course i would love to meet again and he said that i dont sound too confident about it. I said that i really had a great night and i made sure i wrote that on text too that i would love to meet again and i thanked him for the good time. He and i talked about places we could go next time. On text, he said he wished i went into the cab. I again thanked him but anyway the bus came there and then.

So he repeated on text he had a good night and speak soon with a kissing emoji.

The guy has a kid and is 37. The kid lives with his mum. He told me that he is single 8.months now and the last relationship was with his baby mama, but they are over two years now in reality.

I asked him if he is sure he is really over because at the end of the day he is tied with her for the kid and 8 months isnt really a long time anyway. He said he is really over and they talk strictly for the kid and if he wouldn't have to talk he wouldn't. I found that a bit exaggerated tbh. I told him the only reason i am asking is because this is online and a lot of people may lie about stuff. He said he wouldn't lie as he had this experience before being lied too from online so he wouldn't do it.

Just to note here he first started asking personal questions about my situation, dating history and stuff. I told him i had married at 25 for 2 years and then divorced. Im now 32. No kids.

He also told me his baby mama is not a good mum and selfish. I take this all with a pinch of salt tbh.

Another thing that striked me, is that this guy with another guy that had contacted me on the dating site, had extreme similarities. They told me the same things about their life, same area same situation they both told me they gonna move house, both kids the same age, also same chatlines. If this isnt a diabolical coincidence, i would think that these two are related somehow.

The other guy that I am talking about, asked to talk on the phone and he asked me out on the phone call where we said we can meet before i leave on holiday. After the call he never asked me out.

Now it is Thursday and he the guy i dated on Tue, didnt follow up for another date...

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 13/04/2019 09:21

Sunglasses on a sunny day= acceptable. Sunglasses on indoors on an evening= total wally.
Not suspicious though! If there was some kind of conspiracy then he'd have just nicked someone else's photo or used one of his dog, not put on a pair of shades like the world's crappiest spy.

Chrissi314 · 13/04/2019 09:25

Ok well.. let me make this clear once and for all.

Two guys talked to me on the dating site.

Same age, same area, different pics both with kids.

Guy 1: exchanged msgs on the site, and then whats app. Good conversation on the phone, asked me out on the phone and i told him i am leaving on holiday on the 19 th so we should arrange something before then if he can. I sent him a text to say it was really nice to speak to him etc. Never contacted me again.

Guy 2: This one was not that forthcoming in texts as guy 1 but actually made effort to plan the date etc. During the texts and moreso the date, threw exactly the same lines and life story as Guy 1. On what's app, he has a pic where it shows his son, with a little girl that looks like the girl i saw in Guy 1 pics. Please note that they didnt just tell me similar things. They told me exactly the same things.

The men however have a bit different accent and tone of voice. So i dont think they are the same guy, but im thinking they may be related somehow.

I hope this makes it clearer

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 13/04/2019 09:33

Why/how would relatives use the same lines though? Saying things during dating isn't genetic.
I think you need to draw a line under all this.

Chrissi314 · 13/04/2019 09:36

The guys threw exactly the same lines to me. Im not saying they are necessarily relatives.

Anyway im not gonna explain anymore. I think ive made things clear enough. Whoever understood fine.

OP posts:
DointItForTheKids · 13/04/2019 09:57

Further explanation or not, why are you thinking of seeing him again then?! If you're that confused (still) by motive or worried about honesty, just don't see him again! Go about your weekend and don't spend another second's thought on it. Sorted.

MRex · 13/04/2019 10:01

When men ring alarm bells on a date, the best thing to do is not date them again.

He and his friend are playing a game with you @Chrissi314, and the outcome won't be nice. Walk away. Date somebody normal. And please don't use "baby mama", it's disrespectful to women.

Cashew19 · 13/04/2019 10:07

So when you keep saying you think they are related, what you mean is you think they are connected, not actual relatives. Is that right? As MRex says, trust your instincts. If something feels not quite right, stay away.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 13/04/2019 10:44

I've been asking her for pages about why she thinks people who are related would use the same lines. She won't answer.

PineapplePatty · 13/04/2019 11:15

whoever understood fine

Well, I think I speak for all of us when I say this...none of us. None of us know WTF you're on about.

It's quite fun to imagine two people having the same story though, none of my relatives have the same story as me.

😎

Chrissi314 · 13/04/2019 11:18

Then if you cant understand pls stop posting on this thread.

Thanks

OP posts:
BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 13/04/2019 11:23

Or you could explain things in a way which makes sense and answer people's questions.

DointItForTheKids · 13/04/2019 11:42

Pineapple! Grin

Patroclus · 13/04/2019 11:57

Depends where he puts the sunglasses.

SparklyMagpie · 13/04/2019 12:29

Just tell us what the bloody hell you're getting at and what the point of this thread is!!! 😂😂

Chrissi314 · 13/04/2019 12:33

Leave it . Apparently its quantum physics for yaGrin

OP posts:
PineapplePatty · 13/04/2019 12:36

😎😎

PinkBlueStripes · 13/04/2019 12:53

What were the lines they used?

Sunglasses - if that is the only picture, yes I find it a bit silly.

SparklyMagpie · 13/04/2019 13:04

I suppose I will leave it and thank myself I'm not in this wacky situation Grin

Chrissi314 · 13/04/2019 13:11

@PinkBlueStripes my question was general not about him specifically

OP posts:
TheRoadBeneathMyFeet · 13/04/2019 13:44

I think people understand what you are saying, just not quite what the point of it all is, especially as you don’t answer their questions or seem to actually do anything about your concern.

Chrissi314 · 13/04/2019 20:40

Ill keep u all updated!!GrinGrin

OP posts:
Chrissi314 · 15/04/2019 23:12

So he asked me out for Wednesday before i go on holiday.

Regardless of this mix up, as.we dont know yet if this was even the case that these guys were related really or not...

I do have my doubts here. He told me he was engaged but really the situation was over 2 yrs ago. Single for 8 months.

Now the problem for me here of course its not the kid. The problem is, the relationship with the mother. 8 months is not all that long to be single. He swore up and down he is over. Its just that... 1. I wouldn't want to be a rebound. 2. How over can this be if they are in contact so often even if it is only about the kid.

Still they talk to each other etc. I know every situation is different.

I like him so far and he contacts daily, but i want to be very careful because of the reasons listed above.

OP posts:
Chrissi314 · 15/04/2019 23:14

Also he said he was really over with her for two years but officially single 8 months.

I guess its difficult to trust when u have no reference for the other person at all

OP posts:
Bambamber · 15/04/2019 23:28

If you are already having doubts after 1 date, it's really not worth it.

Chrissi314 · 15/04/2019 23:46

I don't have doubts about him per se, more so about the situation

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