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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

dating situation

186 replies

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 14:39

On Tue i went on the date with a guy. We sat on the date for three hrs.
Paid for everything during the date, I also offered to pay he didnt accept.
After three hrs asked if we could leave as it was getting late (11 pm) and i had late wake up. ( i think 3 hrs date is also too long, save something for next time if any).

He insisted to get me a cab home which i found very gentlemanly. The cab would be late to arrive but the bus stop was near the pub so i thanked him for that but it was 5 mins anyway to home. So he asked if i had a good night and i said i enjoyed a lot which was true.

He asked me if i want to go out again with him i said sure of course i would love to meet again and he said that i dont sound too confident about it. I said that i really had a great night and i made sure i wrote that on text too that i would love to meet again and i thanked him for the good time. He and i talked about places we could go next time. On text, he said he wished i went into the cab. I again thanked him but anyway the bus came there and then.

So he repeated on text he had a good night and speak soon with a kissing emoji.

The guy has a kid and is 37. The kid lives with his mum. He told me that he is single 8.months now and the last relationship was with his baby mama, but they are over two years now in reality.

I asked him if he is sure he is really over because at the end of the day he is tied with her for the kid and 8 months isnt really a long time anyway. He said he is really over and they talk strictly for the kid and if he wouldn't have to talk he wouldn't. I found that a bit exaggerated tbh. I told him the only reason i am asking is because this is online and a lot of people may lie about stuff. He said he wouldn't lie as he had this experience before being lied too from online so he wouldn't do it.

Just to note here he first started asking personal questions about my situation, dating history and stuff. I told him i had married at 25 for 2 years and then divorced. Im now 32. No kids.

He also told me his baby mama is not a good mum and selfish. I take this all with a pinch of salt tbh.

Another thing that striked me, is that this guy with another guy that had contacted me on the dating site, had extreme similarities. They told me the same things about their life, same area same situation they both told me they gonna move house, both kids the same age, also same chatlines. If this isnt a diabolical coincidence, i would think that these two are related somehow.

The other guy that I am talking about, asked to talk on the phone and he asked me out on the phone call where we said we can meet before i leave on holiday. After the call he never asked me out.

Now it is Thursday and he the guy i dated on Tue, didnt follow up for another date...

OP posts:
DointItForTheKids · 11/04/2019 15:17

Holy Jeez OP, you've had ONE date!!!!!! Get a grip!

It's been 48 hours? Perhaps he's busy for goodness sakes.

I would be more concerned about the negative comments about his child's mother - could be true, or he could be a twat and have been a twat to her and that's why they broke up, or he's still with her and that's who the call was from during the evening when you were on the date.

But whatever the case, chill the hell out - I cannot for the life of me understand why some women behave like this, it's literally crackers. It either will or won't go somewhere and may or may not turn into a relationship - all this angst 48 hours in sounds incredibly excessive and totally unnecessary, as well as garbled and focusing on some really strange points.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 11/04/2019 15:19

Why would you think they were related? Confused

He hasn't contacted you 48 hours after your date - therefore he needs to fuck off

LumpyPillow · 11/04/2019 15:20

Look, this is too complicated already for it to be something thats a good idea.

Man with kid who says mum is a bad mum, true or lie, do you want to get your peaceful, single, childless self involved with that? I wouldn't. Nor would i pursue someone who after id told him id had a great time, questioning me saying i wasnt being enthusiastic enough.

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 15:22

Well they told me exactly the same things.

Ye, I dont think he will ask for a second date either .

OP posts:
PineapplePatty · 11/04/2019 15:27

You think it's the same bloke?

More importantly did he say baby mama? If so never speak to him again. He's a fool.

rudewordsaretheshit · 11/04/2019 15:30

He doesn't sound like he's worth the effort. Delete his number and get back on the dating horse.

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 15:31

No he didnt say baby mama. Not the same, but somehow related.

I cant explain it otherwise

OP posts:
Alienspaceship · 11/04/2019 15:33

I’m really confused. What is a ‘diabolical coincidence’? Is it a good thing or a bad thing?

SillyMoomin · 11/04/2019 15:34

Your posts are just getting more confusing and nonsensical OP

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 15:34

That the two guys told me exactly the same things.

Unless its an extreme coincidence, I would say they are related somehow.

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 11/04/2019 15:39

Why do you call his ex 'baby mama'? Would you like to be called that? She is an individual who probably believed herself to be in a relationship with this man. The phrase relegates her to one dimension.
I think you need to look at your vocabulary on other women.

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 15:42

I dont know what you dont understand exactly.

This guy that i went on a date, told me exactly the same lines as the guy that contacted me online few days ago prior to meeting him and spoke on the phone.

He behaved very gentlemanly on the date which i liked, but i dont know whether to believe that he is really unattached from his ex as he says and why he thought i was not confident when i said I want to see him again.

Anyway I guess its not worth it. He doesnt seem to contact anyway.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 11/04/2019 15:44

Baby mama? Come on, you’re not 17. She’s an ex, the mother of his child.

Walk away from this one. Sometimes, the ex really is selfish and a bad mother. Not usually, I think - usually that’s bullshit from the man. BUT even when she is - walk away from any man who can’t set aside bitching about her for ONE first date. He’s just a dick for that. And all these men with an ex who is such a bad mother? Funny how it’s always that bad mother who is stepping up and caring for HIS child, isn’t it? Hmm

Every online date I had that mentioned a child living with their mother, I asked why it wasn’t 50/50. The guy who stared blankly at me? No second date. The one who because he was military and often on tour - happy to date again. The one that said it was closer to school and honestly, the bond was closer with mum... could have been a bullshitter, but got a second date with a mental note to check how often he saw his kid.

No way would I date a man who slagged off his ex on the first date when he didn’t even care for his own bloody child!

Don’t give any of the rest of it headspace - he’s a loser.

And btw - nobody has the right to “insist” on paying for you. Don’t passively put up with that shit. If you want to share the cost - do it. A man who won’t “let” you, isn’t a gentleman - he’s a man who doesn’t give a shit about what makes you comfortable. I’ve no problem with a man offering, and you can accept if you want. But please don’t see “insisting” as a good thing. It isn’t, he’s rude.

NEXT!

SillyMoomin · 11/04/2019 15:45

It’s 3 different issues!

  1. you don’t know if the guy wants to see you again

  2. he may or may not be pretending to be another person

  3. he may or may not be over his ex partner, the mother of his child

  • how on earth do you expect strangers on the internet to be able to answer these questions for you?!!
Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 15:45

ok well i dont know the woman sorry.

OP posts:
AguerosAngel · 11/04/2019 15:47

Jeez, man! It’s been one date! Chill out!

I’d be running for the hills if I was him, you’re investing far too much time and energy into something that doesn’t sound like it’s going to go anywhere anyway!

SrSteveOskowski · 11/04/2019 15:49

YABU for using the phrase 'baby mama' Hmm

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 15:50

no you are right, i dont think he will contact again anyway.

OP posts:
DeadWife · 11/04/2019 15:51

Never mind "baby mamas". I need to know why the coincidence is diabolical 😈.

Seriously though OP you seem very over invested for one date; it's only been two days since. Keep your options open. I'm sure you can meet someone who hasn't very recently left a relationship and their child. Why focus your energies on this one?

B3ck89 · 11/04/2019 15:53

I just find it hard to believe you are in your 30s and saying baby mama Hmm cringe

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 15:54

Well he told me he talks with the child every day and meets him every week.

Tbh i dont believe he is over her at all. First of all he meets her very often if the child lives with her and if she is taking care of the kid no way she is a 'bad mum'.

I wont bother. Maybe that gentlemanly move was a facade

OP posts:
TheRoadBeneathMyFeet · 11/04/2019 16:08

The problem is that none of us will have the answer to your question, OP. We weren't on a date with him, you were. So you are best placed to get a feeling of whether he was ready for a new relationship. If you want another date, ask for it. Your reaction will give you the answer you need.

As for the second guy - if he told you the exact same things then how can he be 'related' to the other guy? Surely they would either have to be the same person or it's a coincidence.

Your post is just bizarre.

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 16:11

I will repeat for the hunderdth time that i would not initiate contact with him as i have already expressed interest to meet up again.

Yes we are saying the same thing. Either an extreme coincidence or the same person/related like a friend etc.

OP posts:
DointItForTheKids · 11/04/2019 16:21

Dear lord

DontCallMeShitley · 11/04/2019 16:22

Two men say exactly the same things to you. Either him with a different accent or someone he knows and has given the script to. He is either very messed up or is testing you and it looks as if you (luckily) didn't pass the test. He is a wrong 'un. Let it go.

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