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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

dating situation

186 replies

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 14:39

On Tue i went on the date with a guy. We sat on the date for three hrs.
Paid for everything during the date, I also offered to pay he didnt accept.
After three hrs asked if we could leave as it was getting late (11 pm) and i had late wake up. ( i think 3 hrs date is also too long, save something for next time if any).

He insisted to get me a cab home which i found very gentlemanly. The cab would be late to arrive but the bus stop was near the pub so i thanked him for that but it was 5 mins anyway to home. So he asked if i had a good night and i said i enjoyed a lot which was true.

He asked me if i want to go out again with him i said sure of course i would love to meet again and he said that i dont sound too confident about it. I said that i really had a great night and i made sure i wrote that on text too that i would love to meet again and i thanked him for the good time. He and i talked about places we could go next time. On text, he said he wished i went into the cab. I again thanked him but anyway the bus came there and then.

So he repeated on text he had a good night and speak soon with a kissing emoji.

The guy has a kid and is 37. The kid lives with his mum. He told me that he is single 8.months now and the last relationship was with his baby mama, but they are over two years now in reality.

I asked him if he is sure he is really over because at the end of the day he is tied with her for the kid and 8 months isnt really a long time anyway. He said he is really over and they talk strictly for the kid and if he wouldn't have to talk he wouldn't. I found that a bit exaggerated tbh. I told him the only reason i am asking is because this is online and a lot of people may lie about stuff. He said he wouldn't lie as he had this experience before being lied too from online so he wouldn't do it.

Just to note here he first started asking personal questions about my situation, dating history and stuff. I told him i had married at 25 for 2 years and then divorced. Im now 32. No kids.

He also told me his baby mama is not a good mum and selfish. I take this all with a pinch of salt tbh.

Another thing that striked me, is that this guy with another guy that had contacted me on the dating site, had extreme similarities. They told me the same things about their life, same area same situation they both told me they gonna move house, both kids the same age, also same chatlines. If this isnt a diabolical coincidence, i would think that these two are related somehow.

The other guy that I am talking about, asked to talk on the phone and he asked me out on the phone call where we said we can meet before i leave on holiday. After the call he never asked me out.

Now it is Thursday and he the guy i dated on Tue, didnt follow up for another date...

OP posts:
TheRoadBeneathMyFeet · 11/04/2019 16:27

So what do you want from this thread then?!?!

HamCheeseHamnCheese · 11/04/2019 16:27

Sharon, the wall and the wine

AnnieMay100 · 11/04/2019 16:32

I understand your op and I’d say be very careful even if he does get in touch again he sounds dodgy, if second man is also him he’s possibly very jealous/possessive not a good mix, id personally block and move on

DointItForTheKids · 11/04/2019 16:47

^^ Ham!!

TiredandDone2019 · 11/04/2019 16:59

Did you not recognise his voice?

Ok a few things.

Communicating with men with no pictures is a no. On a first date go for a coffee in the daytime. Don't tell them where you live.

If you really like him, get in touch. They always say give it 2-3 dates with someone (unless you absolutely cannot bear to).

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 17:16

Both profiles had pics. Different of course.

The call with the second man, happened before i met with this one on Tue.

This man had a different accent and tone of voice but said exactly the same stuff as this guy word for word. Thats why I am saying the two guys might be related.

Also the fact that he told me a friend of his called him to check about the date with me.. I dunno.

However as I said above he made a lot of effort during the date.

OP posts:
GottenGottenGotten · 11/04/2019 17:21

Do you think diabolical and extreme are synonyms, op?

Morgan12 · 11/04/2019 17:25

His baby mama

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 17:28

baby mama drama :-) :-)

OP posts:
MrsXYZ · 11/04/2019 17:41

What was the “gentlemanly move that was a facade?” What do you mean OP?

Are you saying that he is dodgy because you suspect he’s posing on the internet as two different people? You suspect this because of the thing another online person said and their tone being similar? Is this right?

Is the “other” guy still online?

Sorry I’m 43 and never did online dating and I don’t know how you cope with all this.

slashlover · 11/04/2019 17:43

Both profiles had pics. Different of course.

Have you done a reverse image search on them?

This man had a different accent and tone of voice but said exactly the same stuff as this guy word for word. Thats why I am saying the two guys might be related.

Do you mean friends? They could just be using the same site/tips about OD

Also the fact that he told me a friend of his called him to check about the date with me.. I dunno.

TBH, that's sensible for anyone meeting a stranger. Many, many OD articles/info etc. advise this. You could have been anyone.

DeadWife · 11/04/2019 17:46

I think the "gentlemanly" thing was offering to call a taxi but the bus came first .

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 18:08

Dunno guys i guess i will never learn the truth lol.

He doesnt seem to be contacting anyway.

Sighs.. online dating is tough

OP posts:
MrsXYZ · 11/04/2019 18:16

That is odd that two men said the same things word for word Confused

Anyway some men are very flaky. There are plenty more fish in the sea, as my mother used to say.

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 18:18

Thats what im saying lol. Others called me even paranoid for my suspicions.

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 11/04/2019 18:21

walk away before you get even more confused

MrsXYZ · 11/04/2019 18:22

Just be careful OP and take care of yourself.

outpinked · 11/04/2019 18:23

It shouldn’t be this complicated after one date and you shouldn’t be needing to overthink things quite so much.

Chrissi314 · 11/04/2019 18:26

But it is.

OP posts:
DointItForTheKids · 11/04/2019 18:54

I don't think you should be online dating or dating at all. You appear very overwhelmed by it, suspicious of it (and frankly I can't say I blame you), not equipped to deal with it in a philosophical hands-off way - you have a date, it either goes well or doesn't and you either want to see the person again or not (same for them) and they either contact you or you contact them or not. All this level of second-guessing, assessing, obsessing you're applying is absolutely insane for a first date.

I'm not sure (obviously) if you've been in difficult relationships before or if this is just you and your personality/thinking style, but you seem very all over the place and I raise this only because I think it makes you vulnerable because you're trying to apply so much meaning to stuff.

If at the end of the date you had I had thought, something fishy here, not sure I like this guy/trust him - that would be it. When he contacted me again (if he did) I'd say no thanks I don't think we're compatible. And mentally and emotionally would have applied just about zero emotional investment and mentally moved on on the very night the date took place, never mind obsessing over it for the next two days.

I think you need to take very great care of yourself going forward if you do continue OLD.

Chrissi314 · 12/04/2019 09:40

So he did text me yesterday. He was flirty. If he asks me out again, should i mention this situation??

He uploaded a picture on Whats app, where shows his son with a little girl. The girl looks very ,much like the daughter of the guy i spoke on the phone.

OP posts:
BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 12/04/2019 10:06

Why would two people be telling you the same things because they're related? None of this makes much sense.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 12/04/2019 10:34

Run away and don't look back

TheRoadBeneathMyFeet · 12/04/2019 10:45

Geez OP just ask him if it bugs you that much. So much angst so early on...

DointItForTheKids · 12/04/2019 12:44

I cannot take any more!!!!!

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